Darkness. Again. Suddenly a flash filled my surroundings. A bedroom. I was in a bedroom. A girls bedroom. She was laying down sound asleep. I was confused. But then right then, the door flies open and causes the little girl to jump. It was a man. An older man. Probably forty five. He had a scruff beard and wreaked of the sweet bitter alcoholic drink held in his hand. He was drunk. Barely standing he began to speak to the frightened little girl. "Hey Abb, Abbi, Abbi- what the hells your name??" "Abigail...daddy my names Abigail.."
"SHUT UP" he growled.
"Daddy are you okay? Are you sick?" The man slowly smiled and nodded
"I'm fine, are you? Honey I Want you to come to my room....come with your little dress on."
"Daddy I wanna go to sleep..I'm tired."
"Oh no you're not!" The man ,as quick as the flash from before, jumped on top of the little girl. He wrestled her down and she screamed. She kicked and screamed and cried for help but no one came. Not a single person. The poisonous stench from her father made her gasp for fresh air all while she was trying to sit up, to get him off of her. "STOP FIGHTING IT AB. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT" he hissed.
She screamed and howled for help again. She prayed over and over in her head as she kicked and pulled and punched. All of her strength and attention was on getting her father off of her but of course, he was too strong. Too big to push,too wide to crawl under. Eventually the father found a way to pin her down with no hope. He took the little girls princess robe off her end table and wrapped her arms together and to her bed frame. He tied her feet with sheets. She gave up trying. The kicking and screaming was exhausting and her body needed to breath. As he tied her up tighter and tighter she began to cry softly only her shoulders gave away the fact that she was crying. She figured if she fell asleep she wouldn't remember and she could save herself from the pain. Yet she couldn't sleep now. She was wide awake from fear. Her father took the girls body in his hand and he searched her. Made love to her all while she sobbed and prayed to go to sleep. When he was done he knew she would tell.
"Please, please daddy leave me alone. Please. Please. Please" she whispered to him. "Please." He stood back and looked over her from the bed. He pulled out a kitchen blade and started to cry.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know it isn't right. I'm a horrible father." He sobbed heavily while she sobbed and begged for mercy. Why wouldn't he let her go? Why?? She looked up at him sad and as she went to speak, the knife forced its way down into her body. She jerked upwards. And everything around me went black. Faded. As if nothing happened.
••••••••••••••••••••
I woke up to a start. Scared out of my mind. I fixed my damp hair, rubbed my eyes and looked behind me. sweat. sweat all over my pillow. Was it real? Was i really there? Was it a dream? Was it a sign?... I didn't know. That's what scared me the most. I had no idea. Could it have been a spirit calling for my help and instead of helping I sat there in horror and just watched? Or was it just a spirit telling me their story. The confusion was a normal thing for me. Everything that happens to me has thousands of possibilities as to WHY it happens to me. Don't ask me why. I don't know. I never know. For sure anyways.
DO NOT READ
dear journal,
today was weird. all day i have been thinking about that dream. about abi. about her screams and how no one came to help. how desperate and afraid she was. she had no one. was I supposed to help? where were the rest of her family? was it just her? so many questions but NO answers.....her story has been in my head all day. i barely listened to marykay bc why should i have to learn about slavery?...i have better things on my mind..more important things on my mind. honestly this journal is freaking retarded. who tf cares how my day was or how im feeling?? no one cares to ask..so im just sapposed to WRITE it as if that makes me feel any less lonely..ya right
