my savior | jegulus

one

regulus was 12 when he first realized he hated james potter.

james potter, who made regulus want to roll his eyes every time he saw the boy. james potter, who always said hi to regulus with a soft smile on his face no matter how mean regulus was in return. james potter, who made regulus' cheeks heat up anytime regulus noticed those hazel eyes on him for longer than necessary.

james potter, who stole sirius black right from under regulus' nose. james potter, sirius' brother.

regulus can still remember the night sirius left. it was well into the night, probably closer to morning. regulus hadn't gotten a blink of sleep, not unusual. always listening for the sounds of his family. prepared for whatever could enter his room unannounced with harmful intent. he would not let his guard down. it was survival.

but that night, his guard had faltered. sirius entered his room, bag slung over his shoulder, shrunken trunk at his side. sirius' grey eyes met that of regulus' while silently closing the door behind him. regulus shot up in bed.

"sirius?" he whispered.

"i'm leaving."

"i don't understand" he felt his face twist into confusion, his brother standing at the entrance with a solemn look on his face.

"you can come with. james said you're more than welcome. euphemia could bake you those cinnamon cookies i know you like, we could have a chance at a real family reggie. come with me" sirius pleaded, eyes so big and hopeful.

"we have a family. maman would find us if we left. she would be very angry." regulus was terrified. leaving? that was insanity. no matter where they would go, walburga would always have her claws so deep into him, she would find him. and they would be punished. but if just sirius went, then maybe she wouldn't be so mad, maybe regulus could stop her from looking for him.

"i can't, sirius. i can't go with you."

"i- i don't understand." his words were thrown back at him.

"if this is about james, i know you don't know him well but i promise you'll learn to like him. he could be like a big brother to you too reggie, cmon."

james. of course this all led back to james. james who would take sirius in. james who would give sirius a real family. james who would become sirius brother. james who would replace regulus.

"i can't sirius." he said firmly and rolled over in his bed. he heard a faint sniffle and the sound of his door shutting. he didn't see sirius again until the train station.

regulus saw the four of them, james and sirius escorted by euphemia and fleamont. all so happy, so much like a family. sirius deserved it, of course he did. but why couldn't regulus have been enough? why was james the only brother in his life now?

sirius avoided regulus like the plague. anytime the brothers made eye contact in the hallways or on the pitch for a beat too long, james would gently nudge sirius and then they were gone.

maybe it was unfair to cast his hatred towards james. after all, james provided sirius with something regulus never could. james potter was sunshine in human form. he was sweet, kind and gentle. not only to sirius but also to regulus.

regulus had been walking from class to the library when he spotted him. james potter, leaning against the window frame looking out toward the pitch.

please don't see me, please don't see me.

no luck, james turned his head and immediately started approaching.

"regulus! hi, regulus!"

with a soft sigh, regulus turned to look at the brown haired boy.

"potter." he greeted.

"hi! oh yeah, already said that. um, well." there was a brief moment of silence where the two just looked at each other. "how are you?"

"how am i? why is that any of your concern, potter?" regulus responded, his guards going up immediately.

"oh you know, just since sirius left. it's been great to have him. it would be nice to have you too." the boy smiled.

"oh yes, sirius left. thank you for reminding me. he has the perfect family now, doesn't he? he doesn't need me, i'm just fine where i am, thank you." and regulus turned on his heel, heading straight for the slytherin dormitories, plans of studying abandoned.

james has sirius. all the time. he's heard the two refer to each other as brothers multiple times. it must be some sick joke for james to ask him how he's doing after he stole his brother from him.
it must be some sick joke from the universe to feel the heat on his cheeks thinking that maybe james does just care.

so regulus was 12 when he decided he hated james potter.