The Untouchable

Chapter 73

Author's comments.

In the 1950s, Harvard biology professor Kurt Richter conducted a series of experiments to uncover the biological mechanism that drives us toward our goals. I'll tell you about this experiment, which is still used by pharmaceutical companies today in the development and search for new antidepressants.

Rats were placed in glass jars filled with water, where they frantically tried to escape. After about 15 minutes, they gave up and became motionless, floating indifferently on the surface. In a variation, a new batch of rats was removed from the water after 14 minutes - just before they would have given up - and allowed to rest. When these rats were reintroduced to the water, they struggled for an additional 6 minutes, fueled by the memory of their previous escape. This memory released a crucial biochemical element that provided hope.

Next, the rats were injected with various pharmaceutical substances that could potentially be used in new antidepressants. If these substances extended the rats' struggle to around 20 minutes, the pharmaceutical company knew they had found a promising new antidepressant.

The experiment highlights a familiar feeling that helps us navigate life's dead ends: hope. Hope can be the worst feeling in the world when life's obstacles seem insurmountable. Today's chapter is dedicated to this powerful yet complex emotion.

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"Danny!" Alexander shook him harder, pulling him out of his sticky slumber. Daniel opened his eyes indifferently and rubbed his face, stirring up the stale odor of his unwashed body. Alexander flared his nostrils, grimaced, and brushed the messy hair away from Daniel's forehead. "Danny, this can't go on. You've even stopped drinking!"

"Get away from me," Daniel weakly pushed him away, sweating from the effort. Even the slightest movement was difficult; he had weakened over several days of hunger strike.

"I won't let go. You want me to put you in the hospital to get away from me? No way. I'll organize the hospital at home." Alexander slipped his hands under him, pulled him off the bed, and carried him. "First, we'll wash up, then you'll drink some broth and come to your senses..."

"What's all this for?" Daniel folded his arms over his head, making it harder for Alexander to carry him.

"Because I'm not going to let you die before my eyes," Alexander sat him down on a cool onyx chair, pulled off his sweaty, stinky T-shirt, dipped his hand in the bath water to check the temperature, then made Daniel rise and stripped off his pants and underwear. He helped him into the tub and began to wash his hair, irritating him with his stuttering, nervous recitation.

It's sad to look at you, my love,

And it's so painful to remember!

It seems, the only thing we have

Is tint of willow in September...

The poems brought a gloating satisfaction - Alexander only quoted Esenin when he was truly stressed. This meant Daniel could still influence him.

"I shouldn't have let you sour; I hoped you'd come to your senses, but you..." Alexander's voice cracked as he choked on his words, sobbing without tears. "Why are you torturing yourself, Danny?"

"For you, actually," Daniel replied grimly. "I'm not doing badly, really. I just can't live like this anymore."

Alexander settled on the floor, resting his forehead against his hand. Daniel stretched out his arm, trying to stand - the hot water made him feverish and dizzy. Alexander snapped out of it, grabbed a sponge, and began scrubbing vigorously. Thick, lush foam curled up from the dead skin, turning the water cloudy with brown scum clinging to the edges of the bathtub. The nausea intensified with each sudden movement, and the rough sponge burned his skin. Daniel breathed harder, struggling to control the nausea, and bent over in a fruitless gagging fit. Alexander shrieked fearfully, dropped the sponge, and yanked him out of the tub. Daniel caught a glimpse of his amusing reflection in the mirror, foam in his disheveled hair, red-streaked skin, greenish face, and laughed bitterly, coughing up bile.