Wowzie! I felt like making yall suffer!
Remember this is an AU, if something doesn't make sense or isn't cannon, ITS MADE UP.
TW: angst, self esteem issues, self hatred, self harm, meltdown oh and fluff :3
-third person pov-
Kou walked in his room, and sat down beside his bed. Tears streaming down his eyes. He was sad and he didn't know why. He wasn't having a hard day, nothing bad had in the past happened that would spark these feelings. He felt so out of touch.
He knew he had people to trust and talk to but he felt that opening up to them would make them see him as a lesser person. He knew better than to bring this up. He knew that if he brought anything even closely related, he would be made fun of.
He knew that only one person would even begin to relate with him. Still, reflecting on his situation he was skeptical to call him. He hated feeling like this he hated feeling weak. He wanted to be the one people would rely on, not the one relying on others.
Kou checked the time "6:27 pm" he put his phone back down. "Pathetic" he muttered to himself. This wasn't the first time this happened, in fact it was happening ever so often. Regardless of how many people told him they loved him, he felt unloved.
The tears kept coming and he soon started feeling hot in the head. He felt as if his eyes were bulging out. He was laughing so hard earlier. Why could he not do it now? He tried to not think but the negative thoughts just kept hitting him.
"Why can't you be like your brother?" "Why are you not normal?" "Why do you stand out" "why do you get to fit in" "you're so lucky!" "You're such a disappointment" "why can't you do this" "why can't you do that" "why are you so stressed? It's not like you're doing anything important or hard?"
His breathing quickened. It was like he was on autopilot, his hand moving on its own. He reached for the blade once more, something he swore he wouldn't do. His neck and wrist being the main targets. He knew this would upset many, but he didn't care. At that moment he wanted to disappear. He didn't want to exist. He wanted to get rid of these feelings but since he couldn't, he'd rather get rid of himself.
He sliced. Again and again, until he finally felt that burn he knew all too well. "Why is no one here for me when I need them.." He said looking down his tears pouring out. "I'm so stupid. Why did I do this" he sets the blade down and his himself in the head with his own hand. "Why did I do it! I'm such an idiot!" He hits himself harder with each hit. And then calms down.
He felt his wrist and neck hurt like hell. He knew it was too late to take back. He walked towards his bed. Pondering a single question. "How do I know if they really like me?" He said knowing just how selfish he sounded in the moment. He knew he was a bad person for this but he just wanted to feel valued.
So many people can make Kou feel special but his best friends Nene, Amane, and boyfriend Mitsuba, were special. They made him feel like he was the best person in the world. He knew damn well that Mitsuba was there for him but he didn't want to bother him. He stands back up and looks at himself.
"How can I fix this up?" He smiles. "I'll just say I got hurt training today! I'm sure they'll believe it!" The guilt hits. "Fuck... I'm a bad person for this.." he sighs, he knew lying was wrong but, the only other choice felt like a last resort. He grabbed his blanket and sighed. "I'm so fucked up" he muttered to himself as he relaxed in the comfort of his own blanket.
He dialed mitsuba. "Hey mitsuba, how ya doing? I just wanted to call since it's been a while!" Kou said hoping that he'd be able to enjoy his time with one of the people he cherished. "Lame earring missed me? Awe poor little baby~" he teased. "Yeah so what if I did?" He said hoping Mitsuba would get the hint.
"Oh yeah your tone says it all!~" mitsuba giggled. Kou sighed, he knew it wasn't mitsuba's fault but he did piss Kou off really bad. "I swear I'm so going to punch you.." "I'd like to see you try." Mitsuba scoffed. "I hate you so much." Kou said attempting to match the energy.
Mitsuba hung up. "Not cool dude" he texted kou. "Well aware" Kou responded, no other words besides that were sent. He sighed, he knew he messed up. He decided noto call nene. "Can you call?" Kou asked nene through text. "No, I'm going to go take a nap." She responded immediately and put do not disturb on.
That hurt, but alas it is what it is. Just before he texted Hanako, he remembered that Tsuchigamori had taken away the burner phone nene lended him since all Hanako wanted to do was scroll through twitter. So he would only be able to talk to him during school days.
He sighed not knowing what to do. He thought to contact yokoo abd Satou but remembered that they were still on that beach trip they were talking about all of last week. He looked at his celling and wondered who would care if he were to leave forever.
Suddenly he heard the door bell ring. He quickly fixed himself up and answered the door. "Hello?" He opened the door to see mitsuba holding a bag. "I was hoping you'd be home" he smiled genuinely. It made his heart melt.
"I-... come in?" He said still having trouble processing what was going on. The two walked up to Kou's room. Mitsuba sat on Kou's bed and placed the bag next to him. "So you gonna tell me what's wrong?" Mitsuba asked kou. "Well... I dunno what you-" "you know damn well what I mean." Mitsuba said with a flat out tone.
Kou looked at Mitsuba and cried. Mitsuba noticed this and hugged kou. "I don't know why I feel like this but I do and I cant stop I really really wanna stop." He said crying and panting between words. Mitsuba stoked his head, eventually noticing his scars.
"Kou.. did you... you know?.." Mitsuba said as kou adverted his gaze. His body became heavy and his lugs felt too big for his chest. Tears began to form in his eyes but they still didn't quite come out, for in that moment he felt like a disappointment. "I'm sorry I wish I was a better person for you, I'm trying so hard but it's almost like nothing is working..." he admitted.
Without saying a word Mitsuba let go of Kou and pulled a few things out the bag. Some snacks and strings?.. wtf Mitsu you want him to han-
Mitsuba looked at Kou with the strings. "I've got an eye for color matching! These two colors are you eye color and hair color! Almost identical!" Mitsuba said smiling. Even though he had clearly felt horrible being with mitsuba basically took all of what he felt and replaced it.
"What's the string for?" He asked in a dull yet soft voice. "I was thinking we should make bracelets! I recently learned how." Mitsuba said as he tools out two colors that were almost the same as his eyes and hair. Kou smile widened.
After a while (yes I how to make bracelets, but I don't know how to explain, for this assume they made a 2 string candy stripe bracelets, don't know what it is? Google exists for a reason sweetie.)
Once the two had finished making their bracelets they traded their bracelets. "I didn't take you for the corny type Mitsuba" kou said with a chuckle. "Well.. uhhh.." Mitsuba looked to the side clearly embarrassed. "There's a lot of side you haven't seen of me."
"Well I'd like to meet them all." Kou gave mitsuba a little kiss one the cheek. Mitsuba really was a good boyfriend. Kou knew it, even though hearing this would only feed Mitsuba's enormous ego, he said it.
"You're the best mitsuba, I mean I."
"I know"
Kou smirked and pulled him into a kiss.
(A/n: Then they exploded cause I hate gay people, I want them to burn.)
Word count: 1450
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Mitsuba x Kou oneshots☆ꨄ
Fanfic(Skip to chapter 8 children. cuz I write good :D) Im most of these they all are alive. I post like two or three story's in four days at most! One is my least. Not all of this is how it happened in the manga and or anime, but there will be some refer...
