The Silent observer

-10-

I layed in my bed and stared holes into the ceiling.

I thought about the things I had found in Elis's room and what they meant.

I felt uneasy thinking about it.

I decided to take some distance from Elis until I had a better feeling.

Subconsciously I did know that this wouldn't change the situation, but it felt like the best situation for now and I felt safe with it, more or less.

My mother had gotten  a call from the school yesterday, asking where I was.

It's stupid that she didn't even know this herself.

sucks when you don't take care of your children, I thought.

I jumped out of bed and waddled to the bathroom.

I knew exactly who I'd visit now.

I threw on some clothes, anything I found, really.

I put my hair in a high ponytail in front of the mirror, which I always had to do because otherwise I looked like a weirdly pretty scarecrow.

I was just about to rush out the door when I heard a small, quiet sob. Crying.

I stopped in my tracks immediately, slowly turned around and looked over at the glass door and saw a silhouette sitting there.

I padded quietly to the door and knocked softly.

The gorging stopped.
It was quiet.

I opened the door, there was a clanking noise from the dirt that was under the glass door.

I slowly pushed it open with a clink.

I saw my mother sitting on the ground with her hands buried in her face.

"....."

"Mum..?"

No answer..

"I'm sorry."

came from her in a shaky voice.

I wondered what exact thing she was sorry for.
But asking that wouldn't make things better anything, so I sat down next to her.

But there was smth that I definitely wanted to ask.
Not quiet thinking bout it much I asked

"Where is dad?"

"... Away.."

"he's.. Away.."

My heart sank for a moment, but I realized that she just meant that he drove away or smth

He often did that but he always comes back after some.. Time
I didn't want to ask myself how long it'll be this time. It could be 10 minutes but also a few days.

My family was completely fucked up, I'll be honest. But we still somehow stick together, like now.

There were also really good times.
It was not so rarely actually. I enjoy it when we are a completely normal family, sitting together at the dinner table and all that. As if nothing ever happened.

But then, a week later, everything collapses again, just like always.

Over and over again
It's only a matter of time before it happens again.

-/--(? €-"<<¦¦----_€#) - -" :- //-(-->-%--}

It's like my heart is on a roller coaster but I never know when it will arrive and whether it will even still be beating when it arrives.