The Silent observer

-20-

If I am reading this and it turns out that... Elis is actually just a hurt little girl who's gone throught a lot of shit then I am definetly the asshole here.

I wasn't sure if I should continue reading it but after all... I Alredy have it now and...

.... What am I saying.. this is all just a bad excuse but this book was screaming at me to read another few pages and I'm sure that I'd get to know Elis a lot better as well. Not like that would be a good reason to read her secret diary but you know.

I carefully turned to the next page

                               #2

I followed my dad into the office.

He was just calling someone as I snug into his room and hid behind a desk of his. I felt like a Secret agent in those series mom always let me watch when I Alredy finsihed my homework and wasn't comptely late for bed.

I tried to listen to what they were talking about but it was just some gibberish and I couldn't make out a single thing.

Did he use some secret words?
Or what was this supposed to mean?

I don't quiet remeber either, what he had said exactly but I tried to keep it in mind the best I could so I wouldn't write down anything wrong in here.
This Diary... I'm not sure why I'm doing it but maybe it'll be useful someday and... Also all the girls in my age have a diary.. Guess it's just like a thing yk..

I'm not sure either if anyone is ever gonna read this and found out about what I found out. Because I hope that this won't shock you too much as it did with me..

---------

Dad was a drug addict?
Like.. The ones in the movies?

A thousend thoughts were in my head.
But what if he dies? That's so dangerous?

Is it my fault?
...

I followed my dad on a Saturday night when he was off work and he called mom.. To tell her that he was doing
Overtime on work?
Liar.

He met up with a women and she handed him a white kind of mini bag..

Also...
They kissed?

I don't understand this.
Why would dad kiss another women?
He loves mom, doesn't he?

I mean this is all such nonsense I don't know why he would do that..

-------

I snug back in at home and after dad came home "from work" mom was sitting in the living room, on the couch and waiting for him to talk.

She knew that he lied but he didn't know where exactly he had been and I guess, that that's what my mom wanted to know.

She wasn't controlling or anything, not at all. But she didn't trust my dad and that's also exactly what she told him.

"I can't trust you Rinold.."
...

"After how often you have lied to me"

She kept on going about that and my dad started yelling and getting angry at her like I have never seen it before.
I had no idea what was wrong with dad and if it was that stuff that he took but it made me angry.

The way he treated mom wasn't okay.
...

My mother tried to talk to him softly and over weeks and months it's been getting worse and worse.
My mom has been trying really hard and was nice to him but he's only gotten more harsh and rude to her.

One time he also hit her...

I hoped that it was an exception but little did I know this was gonna be an all day thing now.

I began stalking my dad. Actually stalking.

He was out with other women..
He kissed them and.. I think also more but I'm not sure.

He sometimes, well often, drive away with them and only came back home a few hours or even days later.

I tried to just ignore this all and focus on myself.
Kinda stupid to say because this wasn't as easy as I thought I'd be.

School was boring and I didn't care about my assignments.. The only real interesting thing was still the smoker gang.

They left me hanging the last time after I told them I didn't have anything for them and I did realise that they only used me for the stuff..
Sometime I thought that I'd just accept it and move on but I didn't let that slide.

I let all that shit happen to me, I wanted to be confident and do something for once.

So i kind of ditched Kristy a few times to spend time with the cool kids after school.
She didn't really mind and I had a good feeling..

But they were talking bad about Kristy.
That she was a freak and wierd and that she was unnormal and couldn't just act like everyone else.

At first I kinda didn't say anything, I even laughed with them a bit when I realized that being confident as I wanted wasn't supposed to be laughing with those girls but standing up for my friend.

"You're right.. S-she isn't normal because she's fucking special and not boring like you guys. Fuck you all."

.. Damn that felt good.....

The only time I've ever actually said something I wanted even tho I almost shit my pants and was shaking.

And the looks that they gave me after I said that we're really just priceless.
Well.. No more free cigarettes for ya'll.

I told Kristy about it later as we went out the school and headed our way to the bus. We completely laughed it off and Kristy even thanked me for being so nice. I didn't really expect that because for me that was a Matter of course but she still was very happy about the fact that I finally ditched those ugly fugly smokers as she called them.

Everything was so nice and calm..

Until I came home.