Hateful obsession

Chapter 1

Charlotte
"Hi, I'm your past."

Perfect life. Yes, this is what your perfect life looks like, girl. You sit on the floor next to the washing machine and fold dirty laundry while your husband is at work.

On the one hand, it's great that he works and I spend his money. But it's also...boring. Especially when before I put that damn ring on my finger, my life was different. I was different.

"And where did the old you go, hmm?" Another piece of fabric went inside.
"Your dangerous side?" Now the hand twitched even stronger.

"Your freedom? Danger? Lust?" I practically screamed into the void. "When do you get fucked and not make love?" I loaded the rest of the laundry so quickly that I just buried my face in my lap, starting to breathe quickly as the memories penetrated inside me.

"Tell me, do you like this? Right? How hard am I going into you, krasavica?" I cursed myself for such thoughts, trying to get them out of my head.

The problem is that I couldn't.
I really tried. Honestly. But his shadow always loomed over me like a damn ghost. I ran away physically but not mentally. I pretend to be a good girl when I dream of being bad again. And that's not right. Firstly because I wanted it. Calm. Impeccability. Security. But actually it's still not what I wanted.

I wanted this then. From him. With him. Next to him. And I'm a terrible person. John clearly doesn't deserve someone like me. On the other hand, I love him. But I'm not in love. And the person with whom I was once in love is now in my nightmares, and my only desire. The reason why I want to kill him. I need to remind myself of this more and more often, because hatred attracts me even more to him.

I heard the impatient doorbell ringing for the fifth time. Leah. I quickly turned on the sterile machine and tiredly tried to open the door to the tsunami in the sight of my friend who had just collapsed on me.

"Hey, I'm ready to dress you up for tonight, baby!" She immediately slipped inside giving me a kiss on the cheek. "I think you should wear a red one with a cutout near the hip, or a black short one? I don't know. But I know that you definitely need to let your hair down and curl it and of course focus on your eyes and then..."

"God, where is my life going?" I muttered, closing the door and following her into the living room where she had already managed to jump onto the sofa with her legs dangling.

I leaned my elbows against the wall as she continued to talk.
"Shut up!" I raised my hands, attracting her big eyes to me. "What are you even talking about?"
"Um...about dinner with John and his partners?" Leah said uncertainly.
"Exactly." I exhaled tiredly and hit my head against the cold wall.

I don't even like restaurants. Hate them. But like a good wife, I should always be close to my husband because it is right. That's what John thought, and that's what I should think too. After all, now I had to be good too. Correct. And of course obedient. But my brain was not like that and took me back to the past. Again.

"You don't want me to go with you? Say it!"
"I want to, but I know that you don't like crowded places, so I'll decide everything myself and come back to you."
"You've become so cute, I don't have even a few reasons to hate you anymore."
"I think my tongue is to blame."
"I think you're right."

"Hey, the earth is calling Charlotte!" I suddenly opened my eyes, pushing away from the wall, realizing that Leah's voice had just pulled me out of my memories. It's been 10 months since I was able to force myself to move on with my life. Without that life. Where there is everything I wanted. And where is he? But today was a slightly special day that made me plunge into the past as if it were yesterday. "Sorry, what did you say?"
"I asked - red is more revealing than black. So which one?"
Be normal. Answer black, answer black...
"Red."