The Lost Selection

IV.

The hot, pipping hot water hit her body in a way Corlina didn't know she needed. The hot bath had been Grace's idea, but Corlina could barely walk walk out of the safe room when Grace and the head of the guard opened the room, just an hour after the rebel attack was over. The guards, maids and footmen still hard at work to clean everything so that the Palace didn't look a mess on the Queen's wedding day. Corlina didn't even look around as she was guided back to her bedroom, where her maids were already waiting for her. She had never felt so much shame in her life.

When the door of the safe room opened Corlina hadn't had time to put her dress back on, since Julien seemed uninterested in helping her after his duties had been fulfilled and their marriage, in a terrible way, was now consummated. Grace quickly buttoned a few of the lower buttons and accompanied her Queen back to her chambers. Corlina could feel the tears that had threatened to spill during the consummation of her marriage now rolling down her cheeks as kept her head low, her hands holding tight to her mother's tiara and the bodice of her dress, her shoes long left behind. She didn't care to learn about the rebel attack, she didn't know if they had had any casualties or if anyone was in the hospital wing, she was heartbroken, and tired, and couldn't deal with more tragedy in her life.

Like Julien had promised he had initially been gentle, he had taken it easy, after it all it was her first time. But after a few minutes... After a few minutes Corlina understood why men were called feral when it came to their intimate affairs; Julien seemed like another person, another man, someone Corlina did not recognise as he continued their intimate affair, he clearly in a more enjoyable position than the young Queen. When he was over Corlina felt like she was finally able to breathe deeply for the first time, as he sat down at the end of the bed and put his clothes back on. Corlina on the other hand was frozen in place, laying in bed, looking at the bed above her, covering herself, feeling too exposed in front of Julien and feeling a different type of pain, one she had never experienced before.

For the first time since becoming Queen she couldn't walk out of her room, she couldn't face anyone, not even the guards that were stationed outside her door, she barely could face her maids and dismissed them for most of the day unless she truly needed them. Corlina focused her attention on the paperwork she still needed to read on for the appointments for generals and new governors.

She was able to ignore the presence of her new husband for nearly a week, when she was called to the first Advisory Board meeting with the new Prime Minister, the Prince Consort and Grace, who for now were the only advisors she had appointed.

Her maids had insisted on her wearing light colours, after all she was supposed to be on her honeymoon, and Corlina was so tired she just agreed, wearing a creme gown, with a shoulder to shoulder sleeves that made her look more like a new bride than she had looked on her own wedding day. The tiara was far smaller than the one she wore for her wedding, but she still didn't feel conformable wearing it, it was like there was too many memories attached to a simple headpiece.

Corlina felt almost nauseous as she walked down the stairs and walked through the glass ceiling corridor that lead her to the Advisory Board chambers. She had had a few meetings at the chambers since becoming Queen, back when she was ten, since it was once the seat of Parliament. Now it was simply her Advisory Board, with a high and golden throne where she stood front and centre, the attention of the whole room.

The guards opened the doors and Corlina walked up the steps that led her to her throne, still as golden as she remembered it; the last time she had been in these chambers was for the announcement of her majority, on the morning of her Coronation and coming of age. And before that when she was ten, when her parents passed away. Still, her birthday now seemed to have been light years away, and Corlina felt the weight of the Crown heavy on her shoulders, something she didn't feel when she was here many weeks ago for her coming of age.