Our Struggles | A Jeongcheol story

Seungcheol

The restaurant was unusually quiet, with only a few patrons scattered about. The lull gave me a moment to catch up on some paperwork and clear a few tables. Mingyu was stationed at the counter, but his usual charm was replaced by a distant, anxious demeanor. His phone seemed to be his main focus, and he was scrolling through it with an intensity that was hard to ignore.

I walked over and sat down next to him, trying to keep my voice as casual as possible. "Hey, Mingyu. Still keeping tabs on Wonwoo?"

Mingyu's eyes darted up from his phone, and he quickly shoved it into his pocket. His attempt at a nonchalant smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "Oh, hey, Cheol. Yeah, just—uh—checking some stuff."

I leaned in slightly, trying to gauge his mood. "You know, I've been noticing that you seem pretty anxious lately. You've been really focused on Wonwoo, and it's starting to feel like it's more than just a crush."

Mingyu's fingers twisted nervously around the edge of his apron, a clear sign of his discomfort. "I don't know what you mean," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "It's just... I feel like I need to know everything about him. It helps me manage... stuff."

"Look, Mingyu," I said gently, "I understand that social anxiety can make it hard to interact with people, but obsessing over Wonwoo's every move isn't healthy. It's like you're trying to find control in something you can't actually control. It's affecting you, and I'm worried."

Mingyu's eyes flickered with a mix of embarrassment and anxiety. "It's not that easy to stop," he said, avoiding eye contact. "I get nervous talking to people, and this... following Wonwoo's updates, it's like a way to stay connected without actually having to interact. I'm not good with... with direct contact."

"I get it, Cheol," Mingyu said, his voice almost pleading. "But talking to Wonwoo directly feels overwhelming. What if he doesn't like me, or what if I mess it up? I'd rather just keep things at a distance."

"Mingyu," I said softly, "it's okay to be nervous. But hiding behind social media isn't a solution. It's important to face these feelings, even if it's uncomfortable. Talking to a therapist could help you manage your anxiety and give you tools to cope. It's not a sign of weakness—it's a way to take care of yourself."

Mingyu's face fell, and he stared down at his hands. "I don't know if I can talk to someone. It feels like admitting I can't handle things on my own. And talking to Wonwoo... it just feels so... scary."

"I understand," I said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's a big step, and it's okay to be hesitant. But sometimes, taking that step is what makes things better. It's not about handling everything on your own; it's about finding support and learning how to manage things in a healthier way."

Mingyu nodded slowly, his anxiety palpable. "I guess I've been so wrapped up in this that I didn't realize how much it was affecting me. I'll think about seeing a therapist. And maybe... maybe I'll try to talk to Wonwoo. Just... maybe not right away."

"That sounds like a good plan," I said encouragingly. "Taking things one step at a time is perfectly fine. It's about making progress, not perfection."

Mingyu gave a small, grateful smile. "Thanks, Cheol. I appreciate you talking to me about this."

"No problem," I said, giving him a reassuring pat on the back. "We're family, and we look out for each other. Just remember, you don't have to face everything alone."

As we went back to our tasks, I noticed a slight change in Mingyu. His usual anxious energy had settled into a more manageable level. He headed toward the kitchen, a place where he seemed to find a bit of solace. The rhythm of chopping vegetables and stirring pots appeared to help ground him, offering a momentary escape from his swirling thoughts.

Mingyu didn't interact with the customers much during the remainder of the shift. Instead, he focused on preparing dishes with a calm intensity that was almost meditative. The kitchen became his sanctuary, a place where he could channel his anxiety into something productive. It was clear that cooking provided him with a sense of control and comfort.

As the day drew to a close, I could see that Mingyu was more at ease, his previous tension replaced by a quiet focus on his work. The kitchen seemed to offer him a reprieve from the anxieties that had been weighing on him, and for now, that was a small victory.

As we locked up the restaurant for the night, I felt a sense of relief knowing that Mingyu was finding some peace, even if just for a little while. It was a start.

___

A fly just attacked me, now i cant sleep with the lights off.

-published 19/08/2024-