Our Struggles | A Jeongcheol story

Seungcheol

Sitting in my room after the date, I was a storm of conflicting emotions. Jeonghan's laugh, the way he looked at me with those bright, sincere eyes—it all replayed in my mind like a never-ending reel. I'd gone into this mission with a clear objective: use Jeonghan to get to his dangerous father. But now, my feelings were starting to muddle everything up.

I ran a hand through my hair, feeling the weight of these emotions crush me. This was supposed to be a professional operation. I was meant to remain detached, to use Jeonghan to further our mission. But every moment spent with him made it harder to stick to that plan. Was I really getting drawn in by him? It felt absurd. I had never been one to mix business with pleasure.

No, I couldn't let this happen. I had a job to do. I needed to stay focused, but every time I thought about Jeonghan, my resolve seemed to melt away. I told myself it was just a temporary distraction, that I could compartmentalize these feelings and keep the mission on track.

I sighed deeply, leaning back in my chair. Why was this so complicated? Jeonghan was just another part of the mission. Or he was supposed to be. But my heart seemed to think otherwise, insisting that there was something real between us. And it was this dissonance that was eating me alive.

An old memory flashed through my mind—him. The only other person who had ever made me feel like this. It was different with him. That had been love, pure and simple, and it ended in devastation. I couldn't let that happen again. I couldn't afford to let my heart get in the way of this mission. Not when so much was at stake.

The weight of my thoughts was broken by a soft knock on the door. It creaked open, and Seokmin peeked his head in, his expression a mix of curiosity and concern.

"Hey, Cheol," he said, stepping inside. "You look like you've got a million thoughts racing through your head. Everything okay?"

I forced a smile, desperately trying to shake off my confusion. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking about some stuff."

Seokmin's eyes narrowed, clearly not convinced. "Come on, Cheol. You've been acting off since you got back from your date. What's really going on?"

I plastered on a grin, trying to steer the conversation away from my turmoil. "Nah, really. I'm just tired. It was a long day."

Seokmin's frown deepened. "You know you can talk to me, right? What's bothering you?"

"No, seriously, Seokmin," I said, my voice rising slightly in desperation. "There's nothing to worry about. I'm just—just a bit worn out."

His gaze remained steady, filled with concern. "Cheol, I know you're trying to brush this off, but you can't keep hiding your feelings. Is this about Jeonghan?"

The mention of Jeonghan made my heart race. "No, it's nothing to do with him," I insisted, though my voice faltered. "The date went well. He's great. Everything's just peachy."

Seokmin's eyebrows shot up. "Everything's just peachy? You're really not good at this whole 'pretending everything's fine' thing."

I shook my head vigorously. "No, I swear. Everything's fine. I'm just... processing. I'm not letting anything interfere with the mission."

Seokmin gave me a sympathetic look. "Cheol, it's okay to have feelings. You're human, after all. Maybe this mission is bringing you closer to something real. Maybe it's not just about the job anymore."

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I can't let this happen. It's too risky. If his father finds out, it could be catastrophic. I have to stay focused. I can't let these feelings interfere."

Seokmin looked at me with a mixture of frustration and understanding. "Cheol, you're not a robot. It's okay to be conflicted. But don't let your feelings make you lose sight of who you are or what you're doing."

As Seokmin left the room, I was left alone with my racing thoughts. The internal conflict was overwhelming. How could I possibly reconcile my growing feelings for Jeonghan with my duty to the mission? It felt like trying to juggle fireballs—every time I thought I had a handle on one, another one threatened to burn me.

I knew I had to stay on course. The mission was the priority. But every time I closed my eyes, Jeonghan's face appeared—his smile, his laughter, the way he looked at me. I was caught in a storm of confusion and self-doubt.

Was this real? Was I really starting to fall for Jeonghan? Or was this just another way of my mind trying to cope with the stress of the mission? I couldn't tell anymore. All I knew was that the line between my professional duties and personal feelings was becoming increasingly blurred.

As I lay in bed, trying to find some semblance of peace, I felt a deep, unsettling fear. Fear that despite my best efforts, I was already being pulled into something I couldn't control. And that fear was as paralyzing as it was confusing.

Everything was supposed to be peachy, just as I kept telling myself. But deep down, I knew that the façade was slipping. And with it, so was my ability to keep my emotions in check.

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Nct dream is wrecking my world. Should I write a Nomin fic? Or even Markhyuk. Bro Jungwoo is so beautiful, I dont know how to explain it. and yes i know Jungwoo is in Nct 127

-published 22/08/2024-