Our Struggles | A Jeongcheol story

Jeonghan

The kitchen was unusually quiet as I prepared dinner, my mind occupied with the weight of Joshua's recent behavior. Seungkwan had taken him out for a quick walk earlier, hoping that some fresh air might lift his spirits. It had been a few days since Joshua's fainting spell, and while he had agreed to take a break from studying, the strain on him was still evident.

As I stirred a pot of stew and sliced vegetables with a touch more force than necessary, my gaze drifted to the empty seats at the table. Joshua had always been the first to eagerly tuck into a meal, but lately, his appetite seemed to have dwindled. It was unsettling, to say the least.

The other day, I had gone to the effort of making his favorite dish—a rich stew with fresh bread. When I'd offered him a generous helping, he had barely touched it, opting instead to push the plate away after only a few bites. I had initially thought it was just stress, but now I couldn't ignore the troubling pattern. His reluctance to eat was becoming increasingly pronounced, and it was starting to make me fear for his well-being.

Tonight, I hoped to coax him into eating something more substantial. I had prepared his favorite dessert—chocolate soufflé—hoping the sweet indulgence might tempt him to eat more. The rich, comforting dish was meant to offer both comfort and encouragement, a small gesture to help him find solace in food.

When Seungkwan and Joshua returned, I greeted them with a warm smile, trying to mask my concern. "Hey, I made your favorite dessert, Josh. I hope you'll enjoy it."

Joshua offered a weary smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. His attempt at cheerfulness was a stark contrast to the exhaustion and stress evident in his demeanor. He took his seat, but there was a palpable tension in the air, and it seemed that he was struggling to muster enthusiasm.

As we ate, I did my best to engage Joshua in light conversation, hoping to distract him from his worries and encourage him to eat. Seungkwan, always the lively presence, cracked jokes and shared amusing stories, but Joshua's responses were subdued, his laughter faint and forced. His lack of appetite was even more noticeable when he declined the dessert, a gesture that felt like a punch to the gut.

After dinner, I decided to address my concerns directly. "Josh, can we talk for a minute? I'm worried about you."

Joshua looked up, his expression a mix of surprise and apprehension. He forced a smile, but it never quite reached his eyes. "What about?"

"You've been eating less lately, and it's concerning. I know you're under a lot of stress, but it's important to take care of yourself," I said gently. "Ignoring your health isn't going to help. If you need support, we're here for you."

His smile faltered, and he looked away, his shoulders tense. "I'm fine, Jeonghan. I'm just busy with exams. I don't need anyone to worry about me."

The defensiveness in his voice was unmistakable, and it only deepened my worry. "I understand that you're under a lot of pressure, but pushing away help isn't going to make things easier. If there's something you need to talk about, or if you're struggling with something, we're here for you."

Joshua's eyes met mine for a moment, and I could see the conflict within them. He offered a strained smile before looking down at his hands. "I know you mean well, but I just need to get through this. I'll be okay."

The conversation ended on an uneasy note, leaving me with a heavy heart. Joshua's reluctance to open up was disheartening, and I felt a deep sense of helplessness. I wanted to reach out and offer my support, but it was clear that he wasn't ready to accept it.

As Seungkwan and I cleared the table, I couldn't shake the feeling of dread. Joshua's unwillingness to eat and his tendency to bottle up his emotions suggested that he might be developing an unhealthy relationship with food, and I couldn't ignore the possibility of an eating disorder.

Seungkwan's worried glances mirrored my own concern. "Hyung, do you think Joshua's okay? He barely touched his food tonight."

"I'm worried too," I admitted. "He's been refusing meals and seems to be pushing everyone away. I don't know what to do."

Seungkwan sighed, clearly troubled. "We need to find a way to help him. Maybe if we can get him to talk about what's really going on, he'll feel less isolated."

As I lay in bed that night, I couldn't stop thinking about Joshua. My mind raced with thoughts of how to support him and how to address his apparent issues with food. It was clear that he was struggling, and I was determined to do everything in my power to help him through this difficult time.

Seungkwan's constant worry only reinforced the need for action. Together, we would have to find a way to support Joshua, even if he wasn't ready to accept it yet. The road ahead was uncertain, but I was committed to being there for my brother, no matter how challenging it might be.

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Published 27/09/2024