Our Struggles | A Jeongcheol story

Jeonghan

The days following my last visit to Seungcheol's restaurant had left me in a whirl of confusion. His behavior was perplexing, to say the least. One moment, he was his usual charming self, and the next, he seemed distant and detached. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had done something to upset him, though I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it could be. Every interaction seemed to carry an undercurrent of tension that I couldn't quite decipher.

Sitting in the living room, I found myself fidgeting with the hem of my sweater. I couldn't help but replay our recent conversations in my mind, trying to pinpoint where things might have gone wrong. His aloofness was gnawing at me, like an itch I couldn't scratch. Each time I'd seen him, there was an underlying unease that left me questioning whether I had inadvertently crossed a line.

"Hey, Josh," I called out to my brother, who was lounging on the sofa with a book. "Can we talk?"

Joshua looked up from his reading, his calm eyes meeting mine. "Sure, Jeonghan. What's up?"

I took a seat beside him, my anxiety palpable. "It's about Seungcheol. I've been feeling like something's off lately. He's been acting so strangely around me. I don't know if I've done something wrong, but he seems distant, and it's really bothering me."

Joshua closed his book and set it aside, giving me his full attention. "What makes you think you've done something wrong?"

I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. "It's just a feeling I have. He used to be so warm and attentive, but now he's so distant. I've tried to reach out, but it feels like he's shutting me out. I can't help but think that maybe I said or did something to upset him."

Joshua's brow furrowed slightly as he considered my words. "Have you talked to him about how you're feeling?"

I shook my head. "Not directly. I didn't want to come off as pushy or make things worse. But I don't know what else to do. I just wish I understood why he's acting this way."

Joshua placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Sometimes people have their own battles that they're dealing with, and it's not always about us. Seungcheol might be going through something that he's not ready to share yet. It doesn't necessarily mean you've done anything wrong."

"But why would he act so cold?" I asked, my voice tinged with frustration. "I thought we had something good. I really like him, and I don't want to mess things up."

Joshua smiled softly, his eyes full of understanding. "Relationships can be complicated, and people sometimes pull away when they're unsure of their own feelings. It doesn't mean you're at fault. If you're really concerned, maybe it's worth having a heart-to-heart with him. Express how you're feeling and give him the chance to explain."

I nodded slowly, taking in his advice. "You're right. I guess I need to talk to him directly and see if there's something going on that he's not sharing."

Joshua gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze. "Exactly. And remember, no matter what happens, it's important to be open and honest. If he's important to you, then it's worth having that conversation."

"Thanks, Josh," I said, feeling a bit more at ease. "I really appreciate your advice."

Before I left him to his book, I had a sudden thought. I glanced over at Joshua, who was now flipping through his book absentmindedly. "Hey, Josh, if you don't mind me asking, is there anyone you have a crush on right now?"

Joshua's eyes widened in surprise, and he nearly dropped his book. "W-What? A crush?"

I raised an eyebrow, a small smile tugging at my lips. "Yeah, you know, someone you like."

Joshua's cheeks turned a light shade of pink, and he shifted awkwardly in his seat. "Uh, well... it's not really... I mean, not that I—"

He cleared his throat, visibly flustered. "I mean, there might be someone I find interesting, but it's nothing serious. Just... someone I see occasionally."

I chuckled softly at his reaction. "Come on, Josh. It's okay. You don't have to be all secretive about it."

Joshua rubbed the back of his neck, trying to regain his composure. "Well, it's just... I haven't really talked to them much. It's complicated."

I could see the embarrassment on his face and couldn't help but tease him a little. "Oh, so you're telling me there's someone who's caught your eye but you're keeping it all hush-hush?"

Joshua sighed, trying to play it cool but failing miserably. "Yeah, something like that. It's just... not easy for me to talk about. I'm not exactly the best at expressing my feelings."

I patted him on the back reassuringly. "Fair enough. Just remember that it's okay to be open about your feelings too."

Joshua nodded, looking slightly relieved. "Thanks, Jeonghan. I'll keep that in mind."

As I left him to his thoughts, I felt a bit lighter. Joshua's reaction had been amusing, and it reminded me that we all have our own struggles with feelings and relationships. It gave me a little more confidence to approach my situation with Seungcheol. I just hoped that my next conversation with him would help bridge the gap between us and restore the warmth that had seemed to fade away.

The thought of having a heart-to-heart with Seungcheol was both daunting and reassuring. I knew that it would be a difficult conversation, but I was ready to face it. After all, clarity was worth the discomfort. As I prepared myself for the upcoming discussion, I hoped that it would help clear the air and restore the connection we had. Whatever happened next, I knew I had to be honest and open with him, just as Joshua had encouraged me to be.

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im ever so terrible at this

-published 26/08/2024-