Hello everyone, it has been a long time since I last updated. I did everything I said I shouldn't do; I stressed myself out, and fell into depression. I cut myself believing I deserved it, and I wantED to end my life. So I took a break from everything, that was my first mistake. This led up to losing who I was and losing those who believe in me. So I embarked on a journey that helped me discover who I am and what I want to be. I started with my looks; I knew that having dull brown hair was not something that showed who I am, so I dyed it pink. I decided that I didn't care what people would say about me and what society thinks of me and that I didn't want to fit the frame of perfection. I became true to myself, in this period of time I felt like the most liberated feeling ever. A sence of freedom that I had never felt filled my heart, that pumped that feeling to the rest of my body. That, in some sense was my second mistake. I wasn't strong enough and the people's words seem to cut through the wall that I had built. So it crumbled down and left me broken, but I was a people's pleaser so I could not show the weakness that was buried in me, for it would have been a disappointment to them. So I found a common ground between what I want to be and what people want of me. My hair become a natural vibrant color (a dark purple) and my marks seem to have increased...
The real question though, is weather I am happy or not...
Some time has passed since I felt the claws of depression and I feel that I can't bare another attack from it, but then again I survived myself the first time, so maybe I can survive it again. I noticed at the time of my depression most people did not notice me breaking down, even my own mother did not notice a difference. This inspired me to write this chapter. I think we should always treat people with kindness for we don't know what they are going through, because in the end there will always be that inevitable death at the end of our road. Treat the people you love as if this would be there last day on earth, that way you will appreciate everything around you. This method helped me remove what ever darkness was left in me, for I realized there where many people out there with much more problems then myself.
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What makes you lose faith in humanity?
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Journey in My Mind
RandomI have a lot on my mind about diffrent topics. Read my rants about anything to everything, and take the chance to tavel in the large, creative and random mind of Taimaa Barakat.
