Pause

Chapter 11

I entered the cabin of Dr Jyothi after my Ma just exited it. Dr Jyothi was smiling at me. "Hello Shiyuli," She greeted me. I sat down in front of her. "How are you?" She asked, "According to your mother, you seem a lot better. She told me you started some YouTube channel or something."

"I did not start it," I said. "I just joined with someone who already had a channel."

"Still, that is good." Dr Jyothi said. "How are you finding it."

"It's okay," I said. "It's just watching movies. And reacting to them. I have not started editing the videos even. Akshay does that, I mean the person I am doing YouTube with."

"Hm... Isn't this Akshay the guy who saved you when you..."

"Yes," I said.

"You became friends?"

"Yes," I said. "He is a good guy."

"I am glad you found a new friend," She smiled. "Are you in contact with any of your old friends?"

"Not really," I said.

"Why?" She asked.

I went silent.

"It's okay. You can take your time to answer." She said.

"Hm... My friends don't know that Rishab and I broke up."

"You didn't tell them?"

"No. I didn't know how to." I said.

"And why is that?" She asked.

"Hm... I don't know. It was really difficult to tell even my family. But family is okay. All my friends have always seen me with Rishab. Most of my friends are our common friends from college days. And we have hung out with each other's friends so often that they are our friends too. I don't know how they will react to our breakup."

"Did none of them try to contact you after the breakup?"

"My best friend from college, Amita, tried to call me a few times. I did not pick up." I said. "That time I was in no state to talk to her."

"Hm..." She said. "Do you think Rishab told anyone about your breakup?"

I had never thought about that. But he probably did not. Because if he did, many more of our friends would have called me. "I think not," I said. "But eventually one of us has to tell them." I feel kind of scared about that.

"How about you call one of your friends today, maybe this Amita, and tell her about your breakup?" She asked.

"Pardon?" I asked.

"Just, I feel you have not fully accepted the breakup. Is that a reason you are hesitating to tell your friends about it?"

"No. But... will telling my friends help?"

"I am not telling you to call everyone at once and tell them. Just small steps. One by one. Tell the friend you are closest to." She suggested. "I feel it is important for you to get their support and love."

I nodded.

"So... tell me more about your YouTube thing." She said. "How did that end up happening?"

So I briefly told her about how I ended up agreeing to be in the reaction videos with Akshay.

"And is that helping you? Watching movies?" She asked. "I mean, is it fun, or distracting or give you happiness."

"If we watch a happy movie, it is fun." I said, "Horror movies are fun too. But..." my voice trailed off, remembering one particular incident that happened two days back. Dr Jyothi waited for me to speak. "Hm... if I watch something triggering, I do get uneasy or overly emotional."