Uncontrollable Feeling

Chapter 43

Kristal Anderson

What had my life come to.

I felt like an intruder in my own body, in my own mind, in my house. The house that watched me grow suddenly felt so foreign, so cold, the four walls of my room that once brought me so much comfort now served as nothing more than a reminder of my current situation.

Everything felt so confusing, so disorienting, it felt like a blindfold had been lifted from my eyes and I was now seeing the real world for the first time.

I no longer felt safe in my own home, I no longer felt safe with what I thought was my guardian angel.

She's just trying to protect you

A voice inside me tried to reason and maybe it was right, maybe I was overreacting, maybe this is what any mother figure would do to protect her child. Those were both very viable options and under any other circumstance they would have been enough to calm my nerves, to put me on my best behavior, to make me do everything in my power to lessen her worries.

But not this time. This time that uneasiness was stronger than my will to obey, stronger than every other emotion. Before another thought I was out of my bedroom, strutting towards the stairs but I stopped myself going over my initial plan once again.

Something told me that if I just went up to her and confronted her about taking my things she still wouldn't let up, I had to be smarter now.

If I wanted my phone back, I would have to get it myself.

From my spot in the middle of the stairs I could hear the sound of dishes cluttering which confirmed that she was downstairs, giving me the perfect opportunity to look for it myself. With that in mind, I walked back up the stairs and down the long hallway making sure to keep my steps as light as possible.

When I reached the door to her room I feel a tightness in my chest, doing this part a turning point in my relationship with Aunt Jenna, I was doing something that I would never even think of doing in the past. I was about to invade the privacy of the woman I once trusted with my whole heart, and I knew that after this I would never be able to look at her the same.

My sweaty hand grew shaky as I reached for the handle, when my hand finly wrapped around the cold hand I had to shut my eyes and breathe deeply in an attempt to calm myself. But the opposite happened, instead of me regaining control of my breathing, memories from my childhood played right before my eyes.

In this very home, aunt Jenna getting the first laugh out of me after that tragic night, her comforting me on the days where the grief hit me out of nowhere. Her face flashed before my very eyes and I was reminded of all that she had done for me, all she sacrificed, she put a roof over my head, food on the table, paid for my education at a time where I was all alone, I had lost everything.

How could I be so ungrateful.

What the fuck was I doing?

I stripped my hand from the door handle feeling ashamed of myself for ever even thinking about doing that, for being so ungrateful, so selfish. I turned and paced back to my bedroom door a lump already crawling it's way up my throat.

But before I could reach my bedroom door her words from last night echoed in my ears, then uncle Greg's.

This was a new side of her, this was not the Aunt Jenna from my childhood memories.

And maybe it was time that I changed too.

I was back at her door before I had the chance to overthink it, I turned the handle and walked in shutting the door lightly behind me. I stood with my back against the door and looked around the room.