Team orders- autistic Oscar Piastri, ADHD Lando Norris

4: self-hate

Oscar's POV:

"Hey Oscar, you in here?" Fuck, it was Kim. I couldn't ignore him and felt like if anyone could get me out of here discreetly, maybe it would be him.

"Yea sorry, just not feeling well."

"That makes both of you," he laughed, I didn't understand the joke and ignored it, "you want to go to the hotel?"

"Everyone's still celebrating."

"Doesn't mean you have to stay."

"Really?"

"I'm sure, plus we got an early start and I know you're exhausted from earlier." I sighed, wiped as many signs of crying from my face and unlocked the cubicle door.

"Thanks, I don't know what's wrong. I just feel weird."

"Probably exhaustion, you going to be alright getting back to the hotel?" My awkward pause and pained face probably said too much. That's why it's just easier to not show anything. If you don't show anything, you can't show anything wrong either. "Why don't we head back together? I'm tired too and it's probably just easier."

"Thanks," I mumbled, scratching the back of my neck and trying to not let my face betray me this time.

Kim came all the way up to my room with me and asked if I needed anything else. "No, sorry I'm okay, I mean, I will be once I've slept." He nodded and left me to it. Why was I so shit at being a normal fucking person!

Lando's POV:

I felt better now I was in bed. I mean, I'd messed up. Drinking during the season was never a good idea, no matter how much there was to celebrate. Why couldn't I make sensible decisions. Like proper adult decisions that didn't fuck up the rest of my life. 

Oscar probably hated me. I'd messed up today for no reason. I shouldn't have argued. There was no point, it was for the better of the team. I didn't matter, the team did. If I'd just let him have the place earlier things wouldn't be this awkward right now. But I was just trying to prove I could be ruthless. I do have what it takes to win a driver's championship. I can do it. Now I have the car, I know I can do it.

I didn't sleep well, my brain running too fast, too much of that boiling energy that felt like it was burning me alive. Maybe I just needed to shadow box a wardrobe again or something. God, I'm so weird.

In the morning, I got my stuff together, tried to avoid as much of the team as possible on the way to the airport and was secretly quite glad I wasn't getting the plane back with the team today. On the private plane, no one mentioned me and Oscar. They talked about the race, but from the midfield, fights I hadn't seen and that. Maybe they did it on purpose, I didn't care to think about it.

After the flight, it didn't matter what I did, I felt sick the whole way to the McLaren Technical Centre. This wasn't just a hangover and I broke my phone case because I fiddled with it too much, ripping a crack in the silicone. Maybe if I asked nicely, someone would get me a new one today.

A/n Hey! Thanks for reading, hope everyone is still enjoying this story. I know this chapter is short but more coming soon!