Team orders- autistic Oscar Piastri, ADHD Lando Norris

5: how I look when I fall

Oscar's POV:

I was shaky from the moment I woke up but I buried it deep down inside myself and remained cool, calm and collected. It was at a very early age I discovered that being independent and not showing anyone their impact on you was a much easier way to navigate life. If they didn't see a reaction or anything weird, most people stopped bothering you. Things did affect me, deep down but having to work out appropriate reactions to things was difficult and I found it easier to react minimally than either deal with the consequences of acting abnormally or try to react normally and still do it wrong. I did try and react if I thought no reaction would be worse but yea, I'm pretty rubbish at it all things considered.

Making the effort to say all the right things was exhausting but once all the meetings were over, I could go back to my flat, be around absolutely no one and just take a breath. Then things would be okay again.

"Morning Oscar. Lando is running a little late again, do you want to go in and get started?" I nodded, smiling politely and heading in to the meeting room. Everyone looked very serious but upon realising I was there, began smiling and cheering. I was almost glad Lando was not here to see this, I wouldn't have known whether I was able to smile in front of him or not. But in front of this group, I knew that if I hadn't smiled, it would have been weird, so I did. And I took every handshake, slap on the back and half hug. My body felt tingly, a feeling that was just to the side of the floaty one and indicated that if I didn't get some breathing space soon, everything would fall.

It had happened rarely. Very rarely. I had done a very good job to avoid it so far. As a kid, it happened more. But screaming and crying and hitting anyone who reached out: that was normal for toddlers and little kids. The older I got, the weirder it got. So I worked out how to avoid it, not how to deal with it. If it happens now, if everything does fall, I look the spitting image of a toddler. But it doesn't happen: I do everything to make sure it doesn't happen.

Lando's POV:

The energy is so much and it's hurting and I don't know what to do about it. I know I'm nervous, anxiety has been part of my life for years and I'd been working on it, but today it felt all consuming. All consuming in a way that it hadn't for ages. I got out of the car and headed inside. I couldn't run away this time.

I had a habit of that: running away I mean. Getting myself out of situations I simply can't cope with. I don't know what happens when I lose control like that, all I know is that I run off before anyone else can work it out before me. I go and find somewhere small or dark or just less than everywhere else. It was weird and I knew it, but I managed to find excuses and ways of getting out of it becoming an issue. I mean, it was definitely still an issue but just for me, not so much for anyone else.

But I wouldn't run away this time. I'd smile and shake hands. I'd walk into the meeting, explain my actions calmly, ask the team where we went wrong, get them to explain to me why they had done what they'd done. Because as messages from some friends reminded me this morning (I'd not looked on social media yet) the team also had responsibility in this situation.

Oscar was already there. I said good morning to everyone, including him and went to sit down in my normal seat, directly opposite my teammate. I would stay calm. He looked calm. He was always so fucking calm. He couldn't feel anything! I wished my emotions were more like his. I wondered why everything sat so close to the surface with me, it was just too close all the time. Like now.

A/n Hey! Thanks for all the support on this story so far!