Team orders- autistic Oscar Piastri, ADHD Lando Norris

9: opening up

Oscar's POV:

Mum called again, her face lighting up the screen. I couldn't speak to her, not like this, I really couldn't but I did. I pressed the green button and switched it to loudspeaker.

"Oscar? Oscar!" She sounded so panicked, it made me cry harder. "Oh Oscar, please, what's wrong. You did so well!"

"I don't know!"

"Take some deep breaths, I'm here, we'll sort it out."

"I just," I struggled to get the air between crying, "I just messed it all up!"

"No you didn't, you did nothing wrong Oscar. McLaren messed it up, not you okay?"

"But Lando matters more."

"Lando matters as much as you matter."

"But-"

"I'm not talking about points or drivers championship or bloody Max Verstappen, Oscar. You and Lando are both human beings, neither of you matter any more than the other."

"Still." My voice was quiet and wobbly and I hated that I was letting things show.

"Look, you know racing better than I do, you always will. But right now you're upset for more than just the fact you took 7 fucking points from your teammate, come on."

"I just, I don't know what I did wrong."

"Nothing, next question." Mum was good at doing this with me, immediately settling worries in seconds and pushing the conversation until everything had been resolved.

"I just, it's just everything."

"Is there too much going on?"

"Yea." I said, wondering how exactly she'd hit the nail on the head without even being here.

"That's okay, things get overwhelming sometimes, that's all. It's been a long weekend, an exciting one at that. Just give yourself some time Oscar."

"But I don't have time and everyone else manages it-"

"You seriously think that everyone else deals with it all totally fine. You don't need me to tell you that's wrong."

"I guess."

"Well I know and you trust me, do you think that will be enough?"

"Yea," I said quietly, "but uh, I just, I'm not normal Mum." I whinced at the way I said it so bluntly.

"You're you, I don't want anyone else as my son."

"But I have tantrums like some kind of toddler when it gets too much and I can't show what I'm feeling in a normal way that doesn't freak everyone out and it's too much."

"You're you Oscar. There will always be parts you don't like as much as others. But I love you for you, so does everyone else. You don't need to be any different to who you are now."

"But what if who I am now isn't who I really am?"

"How do you mean?"

"What if I keep pushing down everything I really am to make space for what I'm supposed to do?"

"The right people know that stuff deep inside of you, whether or not you like that. And we think it's okay Oscar, maybe it's time you did too?"

I fell silent. Maybe it was. But that sounded fucking petrifying and like so much effort. Would it even make my life better?

"Oscar?"

"Mhm."

"Why don't you get some sleep?"

"Sleep sounds nice."

"Okay kiddo, love y'a, call if you need anything. I'm here for you okay?"

"Thanks Mum. Love you too."

"Night Osc." I whispered a night in reply but the phone call had ended. Mum was gone. No hair ruffled, worries just about settled. It didn't occur to me until I woke up in the morning that I'd gone to bed without eating.

Lando's POV:

I picked at dinner that evening, mostly pushing it around my plate, not feeling hungry and stuck in my head, thinking about too many things. Max stayed calm the whole time, speaking slowly and softly, but not in a patronising way. We played some video games for a bit after eating. I was glad for the distraction, but the issue with a brain that works better doing 2 things at once was that it wondered. And as we played, I mulled over earlier and how stupid I must have looked. How embarrassed Max must be to be my friend and roommate.

Going to bed that night was difficult and I was up and down all evening, tossing, turning, going to the toilet. Oscar probably went straight to sleep. He was a champion in the making, no time for worrying, not part of his brain that wasn't dedicated to racing 24/7. Why did my brain go so quickly, skip and jump over things, make unnecessary detours and take the scenic route when least helpful.

When I did finally fall asleep, it felt like my alarm woke me up minutes later. Running on just a couple hours sleep, I got ready for the day and headed to the MTC. Jon was there as I walked in, so I headed in the direction of the gym.

"You got an appointment first."

"I do?" I said, confused, getting my phone out to check.

"The, uh sports psych," he said in a whisper as staff some walked past us. We politely smiled at both of them before I turned to him with a frown.

"I didn't realise we were starting so quickly."

"Zak and Andrea think it's for the best."

"Okay, well uh where is it?"

"I'll walk you to it."

"You don't need to, you can just tell me where it is."

"No honestly, it's no issue, I'll walk over with you."

"Jon?"

"Lando?"

"I'm fine and I'm an adult?"

"Zak asked me to stay for the first part to just talk through with you and the sports psych what you should look to work on."

"Guess they don't trust me to do it myself huh?"

"They just want it to work."

"Bet they wouldn't do it for Oscar," I complained, following after Jon as he began to walk.

"They would if they were concerned, which they are anyway."

"Why would they be concerned about him?"

"He's called in sick."

"Oh." I felt weird. I had been the one throwing up in the toilets on Sunday night and now Oscar was the sick one of the two of us. Oscar hadn't been drinking either and he seemed fine yesterday, his normal communicative, calm self. I wondered what had gone wrong. Jon had to remind me 3 times that meant I was going to be doing our simulator day today instead, rather than training. I wasn't really thinking about that though.

A/n Hey! Definitely not been focusing on these parts of the story so I don't have to think about how I'm supposed to write Monza, but I hope you enjoyed!