Affliction (Remastered)

Navigating Grief

Grief causes the kind of tiredness that sleep can't fix your eyes rest but your heart does not                                                        My father's booming voice reverberated through the walls, jolting me awake. The clock on my nightstand read 7:20 am. I had no desire to be up this early or at all.                                                                             "$2,000 for just cremation! That is fucking ridiculous! Your out of your fucking mind if you think I'm going to pay that! Oh yeah right, my wife just died and you people are trying to take me for every penny I have! Fuck off, I'll find someone else!" He bellowed into the phone, his voice carrying down the hallway into my room.                                                 I groaned, pulling my blanket over my head in a desperate attempt to muffle the noise. Realizing it was hopeless, I let out a resigned sigh, tossed off the covers, and sat up. My room was dimly lit by the early morning light filtering through my curtains, I glanced at the clock again, silently cursing its early hour. Stumbling out of bed, I open my door just enough to peek down the hall. My father stood in the kitchen, phone in hand, pacing back and forth. His expression was a mix of frustration and anger. I silently shut my door and sit on my bed. I pick up my phone to see multiple missed calls and texts from my friends. I pull up Cody's texts.                                                                            Cody: Hey Jen, I'm really worried about you please call me                                                                              I stared at my phone for a long moment before I finally gathered the courage to dial his number. The phone rang once, twice, three times. Just as I feared It might go to voicemail. I hear Cody's familiar voice.                                                             "Hello? Jenny? I've been so worried about you." Cody answers with a saddened tone.                                                                                                                             ".I'm so sorry for not calling or texting these last couple of weeks, the days have all been blurring together and I did not realize how long it's been," I respond apologetically.                                             "Don't apologize, I understand Jen but right now I don't think you should be shutting people out. You need support right now." Cody assures.                          "I know, I can barely get out of bed let alone socialize," I explain.                                                     "How about this, I'll come over and give you some company. How does that sound?" Cody suggests.                                     "I don't know, my father is in a bit of a pissy mood today. I don't know how he would feel about me having company." I counter.                                            "Jen, I'm pretty sure I can handle your father. I'll be there within the hour." He confidently responded. Hanging up the phone before I got the chance to say anything else that could persuade him.                                    Cody's P.O.V                                                                         I approach Jens door. I raise my hand to knock. The door swung open, revealing Jens father, a tall man with a stern expression.                                                     "Who are you, and what the hell do you want?" He demanded, his voice sharp and unwelcoming.                                         "Uh, Hi Sir. I'm Cody, Jen's friend. I'm here to see if I can visit with her." I explain with little confidence.                                     Jen's father stared at me for a moment, his eyes narrowing. Without another word, he slammed the door in my face. I stood there, stunned, the sound of the door echoing in my ears. Given recent circumstances and what Jen told me, I should have seen that coming. Determined not to give up, I decided to find another way to see Jen. Even at the expense of possibly being pumled by her father. I walk around the side of the house, scanning for any windows that might belong to her room. Towards the back of the house I see a window cracked open with checkered curtains. Dead give away. I approach the window and double tap on the glass. A few seconds later Jen came up to the window, a confused look on her face that quickly changed to a small smile.                                   "I heard my dad slam the door in your face, I thought that would scare you away" She chuckles.                                        "Of course not, I said I was going to see you so here I am." I chuckle in return.                                                 "Well don't just stand there, get in here." She giggles opening the window up more for me to climb in.                 I not so gracefully stumble in through her window.                         "You have to be quiet, if my father knows you're here he will kill me." Jen spoke in a hushed tone.                         "No worries Jen." I assure, I sit on her bed gesturing her to join me. As I settled into Jens room, I noticed the melancholy in her eyes that even her smile couldn't hide. She sits beside me. Rubbing her hands together anxiously while staring at the ground.                            "So what's going on in your head? Speak to me Jen." I plead.                                                                      "I don't even know where to start." Jen whispers.         "Well I have all day." I assure taking her hand in mine.                                                                                    "The day we found out my mom passed away my father went cold, I mean he's always been cold but this is different. He won't even tell me how she died nor would the officer that came by that evening. I heard him on the phone not long before you got here screaming at someone about the price of cremation. I mean cremation? What if I want her to have a proper burial, a proper funeral? At least something tangible." She rapidly responds attempting to hold back tears.                                                                      I grip her hand tighter in mine. She takes a deep breath and continues. I listen Intently my eyes never leaving hers.                                      "Cody, I've been really struggling, since mom died, it feels like there's a huge empty hole inside of me. She was my best friend, my rock and now she's just... gone. I wake up every morning hoping it's just a nightmare but it never is. Dad's been so angry and distant. He doesn't even talk about her. It's like hes trying to pretend she never existed" Her voice shaking                                                                                "I'm so sorry I can't imagine how hard this must be. it's ok to feel this way. Losing someone you love changes everything. You don't have to forget her. She will always be a part of you, in your memories, in your heart. It's ok to grieve, to remember her, to miss her."I respond in an attempt to comfort her.                         Jen squeezes my hand back. Her tears flowed freely.    Honestly I don't even know what to say or do. Grief is unique to each individual. I embrace her in a hug. While running my fingers through her hair. She leans into me, accepting my embrace. Letting her tears flow. We stayed like this for a while. It didn't bother me, it felt comforting. I could Hold her forever.                                                                             Jens POV                                                                               I clung to Cody feeling the warmth of his support "Thank you Cody I just needed to talk about her. It hurts so much but talking to you makes it more bearable.                                                                         Cody held me tighter whispering "I'm here for you Jen always we will get through this together." He assures.                                                                                 "So much for Hannah's amazing summer activities." I joke to break the sad tension in the air.                     "Ah, She will live me and Chris have been holding down the fort on your behalf but I swear if I have to analyze one more rose bush I might lose it." Cody laughs heartily.                                                                   "Jenny get your ass in here!" my dad yells from the living room.                                                               "I geuss thats my que to go, remeber Jen were here for you text, call, even come hang out with us we're all here for you."Cody reminds me again while getting up from my bed.                                                     I get up as well and embrace him in a short lived hug.                                                                                        "Now leave before I get bitched at even more." I giggle while shoving him towards the window.                He climbs out the window and looks back at me.        "Keep your head up Jen and don't go MIA again, Promise?"                                                                              "I promise now leave" I reply while shutting the window with a smile. Returning back to reality, I head to the living room to see what my father needs from me. I walk into the living room to find my father sitting in his chair, a beer in hand.                      "Jen, we need to talk about how we're going to take care of your mom. I didn't want to drag you into this, but she's your mother, whether I like it or not. So, sit down, and let's talk." He sighs deeply, takes a sip of his beer, and looks away for a moment before meeting my gaze.                                                                 "I know this isn't easy for you, Jen but we have to figure this out together. I can't do this alone." He adds.                                                                                       I hesitate, caught off guard by the gentleness in my father's voice. I had expected anger or frustration, not this quiet vulnerability.                                             "I...I don't even know we're to start," my mind racing as I search for the right words.                                          I never anticipated such a response from my father, given his history of anger and violence. Could my mother's death have softened him somehow? Or is this change in him only temporary? Temporary is all I've ever known, so it's what I expect. Everything in my life has been fleeting, and maybe it's just wishful thinking, but did it really take my mom's death for my father to change?