Its You Or Nothing at all [Boy x Boy]

Chapter 3

(back to Ethan's pov) 

It was a Monday morning and my exam was next month. I still have 15 more days to study but still I am nervous. I know I've been giving attempts for the LAST five years but still.. this will be my last one. I have promised Ryle that I'll not try again if I failed this time too. Do I have to give up on my dream? The answer to this question is blurred... for now, as we don't know what the future holds. 

On top of that, my parents sends me money every month.. i feel so goddamn useless. I started feeling ashamed of myself that I AM not the one sending them money, not buying them gifts from my salary. It breaks my heart thinking I am not enough. I'm not capable of doing anything. If failure had a face, it would be me.

Anyways, I snapped out of my depressing thoughts as I did my usual morning routine and grabbed my bag as I exited my apartment. I thought of going back to the same cafe of that day when Ryle left. Well he called me yesterday to check up on me and told me about how his work days has started and he'll be getting busier day by day. I don't blame him for it, in fact I am happy for him. He asked me about my preparation for my last attempt and like this we talked for 2 hours and then slept. I'll be lying if I said I'm not feeling lonely. I mean, Ryle is my ONLY best friend and now he went away too, not mentally but physically? Yes. 

I'm glad he still calls me whenever he has time but sometimes he call me at work time too and I often get angry at him for risking it all to just talk to me. He told me its allowed to talk to your friends or anyone but only at break time and there he calls me when he's working. So yeah I get angry of course. I don't him to lose his job because of me. 

With these thoughts in my mind I entered the cafe. It wasn't far from my apartment so yeah I was kinda lucky. Without looking at anyone I directly made my way towards the empty booth near the window. As I sat down a sigh of relief escaped my lips. The atmosphere here was comforting as always. I took out my stuffs which were laptop, my register and pen as I started studying for the exam and waited for my order which I placed. 

Soon the order was placed too as I payed for it and kept studying while sipping on my iced americano. The ice helped me calm down the negative thoughts which were always roaming in my head. As I was studying and was too focused to even notice the surroundings, when a familiar voice called out for me.

"....Hi Ethan" 

As soon as I looked up I froze. It was that guy from the airport but I didn't knew his name... I forgot to ask we can say. He was wearing black shirt paired with black pants and I couldn't help but notice how handsome he is. The incident at the airport is still fresh in my mind and I noticed how my heart started racing at his voice.. it was deep yet attractive. But why is here? Is he here for me or did he came with someone else?

I pushed those thoughts aside for now as I replied back with a polite smile.

"...Hi"

"Uh I'm not disturbing you. Am I?" He asked as he glanced down at the laptop and register on my table.

"No no please sit" I requested as he settled down across me. Damn he WAS handsome. "uh.. what's your name though?" I asked as he looked at me for a second and then smiled at me making me completely melt.

"Its Atlas"

"Atlas... i see" I smiled at him as he smiled back. "Well what brings you here though?" 

"uh.. I was here with my friend a- and couldn't help myself to just come and have a small talk" He explained as I nodded at his words. He wanted to talk to me? This is the first time someone has actually approached me.

"I see so.. what you wanted to talk about?" 

He took a deep breath and looked straight in my eyes. "Are you okay?" He asked as his question caught me off guard. Why was he asking this? Do I look like I'm not okay?

I looked at him "Yeah I'm fine of course, why do you ask?" 

"No its just, uh- you looked kinda sad at the airport and you look stressed too" He said as he glanced down at my laptop and register again. 

I smiled before answering. "I am fine Atlas, its just I am preparing for USMLE (The United States Medical Licensing Examination) and about the airport, I was sad because my only friend Ryle has shifted to Britain for his job there" I explained and noticed how his eyes widened in surprise. Cute.

"Wait. You want to become a doctor?" He asked as I nodded "Damn, best of luck for that! Hope you'll pass the exam" I can't tell him about my attempts for the last 5 years, can I? He'll also think of me as a loser.  "and about your friend, I understand how lonely one can feel sometimes but if you ever want to talk I am here okay?" He said as I just smiled and nodded. 

"what do you do though? I mean.. for a living?" I asked as I noticed how he has that disbelief look on his face. 

"You don't know who i am?" He said as I shook my head as no.

"Do you read novels?" He asked again as I nodded this time and he sighed in relief. "Okay and have you heard about the book 'War of hearts'?" He asked and that's when it kicked me in as my eyes widened in surprise. 

"W- wait. So you are Atlas Williams?" I asked as he nodded. Holy shit! So was I talking to THE Atlas Williams all this time? The famous writer here in USA! I feel so embarrassed for not recognising him. 

"What? Surprised?" He asked with a chuckle. 

"Y- yeah I mean- I'm so sorry I didn't recognise you. Its just I don't stay much active on social media and-" 

"Its okay Ethan. Don't worry" He said with a smile. Ah that smile!

And like this we talked for some more time before he left. I didn't wanted him to leave...internally, but he mentioned his friend who must be waiting and I also had to study so I let him go. I don't know why but whenever he's around I feel.. happy. I feel like every stress of my life has just vanished and its replaced by comfort. Wait am I falling for him? No I can't. Who would want to be with a loser like me and besides he must be straight. There would be so many girls even boys lined up to be in a relationship with him.

I am nothing special...right?