Ramblings of a Nascent Doctor (and her journey through Internship Year)

TW (The RGKAR incident - a rant)

I'm numb at this point to the way doctors are treated in this country. I was confused, angry, helpless but now I have a lot to say. Most importantly because the way this has played out mirrors the unfortunate events and their disappointing mismanagement in every government medical college - even my own:

I don't remember a year that I didn't march or protest as a medical student. Assault and violence against junior doctors, low stipends, pathetic working conditions - the list is endless. I do know that all this marching with candles and shouting slogans won't matter in the end. It's just a few days of us screaming into a void before the higher-ups cover it up or bully us to go back to duty. Nothing comes out of our protests, except for a false sense of control and safety. A false sense of hope that government colleges care about the well-being and safety of their interns/residents. I truly hope it's different this time.

As an intern, it was very obvious I was replaceable and unimportant but somehow suddenly vital when it was 'chores' that no self-respecting doctor wanted to do. But of course, we were at the lowest rung of the ladder and we were bullied into doing it. Hence, I was expected to walk across the loneliest lanes in the hospital at 3 am to get lab reports or interact with aggressive, drunk men that decided to crash their vehicles and show up at midnight to get stitched up. Once I was even asked by a resident to drive a patient's attender to a pharmacy outside at 2 am to buy a drug our hospital didn't have - they didn't care about if I got assaulted or murdered on my scooter. So yes, it isn't surprising that the safety of doctors, especially female is the least of their priorities.

To the non-medical grads wondering why she slept in the seminar hall on duty days: the duty doctors' rooms in government colleges are pathetic. There are barely any beds available so you often don't get place to sleep if you are too late (which you always are when you are on duty). They're often infested with rats and attached to bathrooms that are somehow always blocked and overflowing. Which forces you to either find the courage to drive back to the hostel at 3 am or find a random corner in a hospital to sleep in and pray sleep doesn't elude you for the 4 measly hours you are allowed to take a break, on a ~ 36 hr shift. Seminar halls, benches, tables - I've even slept in an ICU bed right next to a patient who was septic and in a coma because I had nowhere else to go. Let's not get into the psychological effects this can have on a 23 yo.

Every year (sometimes even multiple times a year) due to the unfortunate location of our hostel, we'd have break-ins by creepy men. Some of them even went into rooms and inappropriately touched the girls. The solution was always the same - it was our fault, of course. Curfews were placed, all the girls where shamed for their clothes, their social life and even using delivery apps; a meeting was held where the people in charge would claim they'd done everything they could but somehow it would never be a step in the right direction. Why not increase security at the hospital and hold guards accountable for sleeping/ getting drunk on duty? Why not ensure hostels are built closer to campus to make sure we can go back to our rooms easily? Why not just build more DDRs?

It isn't surprising even, that the investigation was tampered immensely. All higher-ups have ins with powerful people. They can always make something disappear. I truly hope this time it's different.

Before I end this rant - an open call to all those who aren't a part of the medical community: friends that hit me up after ages just because they don't want to cough up money in a clinic or relatives with a myriad of random symptoms that will never take my advice anyway - why aren't you angry? Why don't you care that a doctor was s*xually assaulted at her place of work? Why is it only us that are fighting? Whether it's stipend hikes or work conditions or assualts - the general public never cares.

In fact, I'm sure there's a good number of people who believe we 'deserve' it for apparently 'scamming them' with research-backed tests and therapies. Before I joined MBBS, everybody told me I was making a mistake and my talents would be wasted on a journey like this, especially in this country. After just a few years of dealing with a broken system, laymen who know practically nothing about medicine and sometimes even senior doctors themselves who only want to transfer their own horrible experiences - I finally understand why.