Embracing You (VERHAN)

Not One Time Thing ?

I sat beside choel and woozi talking seriously about something. Mingyu and Wonwoo were not there. And Vernon too. Chan and dk were laughing about something while jun and hao were talking animatedly in chinese. Kwan, hoshi and joshua engrossed in their phones. 

My eyes were fixed at the door as dk kept annoying me, waiting for him. He entered a minute later wearing a white tee with blue pants. His hair a bit disheaveled but absolutely stunning. He looked like a sculpture carved out. 

He looked at me straight in my eyes as he sensed my presence. For a second, I could not breathe. I forgot where we were. I felt I could look in his eyes forever. I wanted to break the contact as my heart was racing fast. But somehow my eyes denied to avert the gaze. 

He broke the contact some seconds later which felt like eternity and he sat on the chair in my front. I looked away too scared to look at him. "Hyung, everybody is here" Dino said that brought everyone to attention. 

"Do you feel better now Jeonghan-ah ?" Coups asked me worriedly. I didn't want to bring any attention to me but Coups crashed my plan. "Yeah, I am much better now" I answered shortly. I didn't want to drag this topic much..

"Okay then, let's hear out Woozi then. In my opinion, lyrics are really good. I am in for this" Coups told everyone confidently. Woozi then told us about the song he was working on with Bumzu hyung's help. 

Lyrics were actually really good. The ones you can't stop yourself dance to. And the meaning was so beautiful. When I heard them, only one person came to my mind. But why him ? 

It was a fleeting emotion. A one time feeling. Then why ? I looked at him sitting in front of me, only to find his eyes locked at me. My heart skipped a beat. He turned away as soon as our eyes met but that was enough for my mind to go blank. 

Our session wrapped and we went for practice. I didn't dare look at him again. Or I was going to ruin the practice. There were many songs we needed to practice. We started with the first song, Clap. It was one of my favourite songs and I loved everything about this song. 

We started off perfectly. But as soon as Vernon's part came, my eyes kept following him instead of focusing on dance steps. I tried so hard to not mess it up. With each song, it was getting worse. 

We did a couple of songs as all of them were me trying no. of ways I could mess it all. I was on the edge torn between the correct choreo or stealing glances at him. Hoshi would kill me if I got the steps wrong.

But to my relief, I did not. We all sat on the floor, in different corners catching our breaths after the practice. I sat with my fellow 95z. I was glad they were not like other couples in group. Their flirting was not too cringe and they still felt like my friends when we all were together. 

I saw Vernon sitting with Seungkwan and Jun in another corner, his head resting on Seungkwan's shoulder and Jun on his other side busy with his phone. I felt something in my heart. It was well known in the group that Vernon was closest to Seungkwan but why did it make me a bit restless. 

"Yaah, stop staring. You are gonna burn them with your stare" I wheeled around to find Coups giving me a questioning look. "What do you mean ?" I asked him embarassed. "Well you are staring at Seungkwan and Vernon. What is it ? What did kwan do this time ?" He asked as he knew how easily kwan could annoy me. 

"Nothing. It's nothing" I tried to ignore it. "Well, what about our songs ? How is it going ?" Joshua asked Coups as comeback was already planned 3months later. "Don't ask me. We haven't been able to do anything. The management is stressing me out" Coups answered worriedly. 

"So what now ?" I asked trying to be present in the conversation as my eyes kept going back to Vernon's laughing face at something Seungkwan told him. "Well, we are gonna try again today. Manager told me a while ago that we are shooting for Gose the day after tomorrow. So, I hope we come up with something till then" Coups told us. 

"Don't worry choel, we will get it done. We all have faced far worse situations" Joshua comforted his boyfriend. "I know, but except for woozi, all the members feel stuck. Even Vernon, who always comes to me with lyrics hasn't made any progress". 

My stomach did a back flip at his mention. He can't focus ? But why ? We all know very well that Vernon is really involved in song writing and that's why Woozi is quite fond of him. Does he feel the same as me ? He couldn't be right ? I reasones to myself.

Chances of him liking me back just like that, after one night were pretty bleak. WAIT LIKE WHAT ? DO I LIKE HIM ? ISN'T IT A ONE TIME ATTRACTION OR SOMETHING ? 

Coups ordered lunch for all of us as it was already quite late. We settled ourselves, Vernon in my front this time too. I was going mad now. How was I supposed to keep myself calm when I had to meet him almost everyday. 

Thankfully he was busy talking with Seungkwan and Dino about something which meant our eyes didn't meet. It was a good thing or bad, it was still to be decided. It seemed like Kwan was bugging Vernon about something as they both kept talking in whispers. 

My food didn't taste good as usual, I don't know why. Anyways we completed our practice, much to my relief. We all headed to our unit studios as we had to work on our unit songs. I was glad I could catch a breath. But when I reached the studio, my heart longed for something. 

Woozi recommended we work on a song based on longing love for someone. Joshua and Dk instantly agreed, grinning ears to ears as they thought of their boyfriends. I felt irritated. Anyways we wrapped with agreeing to come up with something until next sunday. 

Coups texted me telling the other members had already left which meant I could not see him for last time. What ? I reached home tired, mentally more exhausted. I was lying in my bed, having had dinner and washed up, staring at the ceiling. 

A notification popped on my phone making me groan. I thought it would be Coups or our manager telling me about schedule or something. But to my surprise and joy maybe, it was Vernon. 

I sat up straight with a lightening speed. I felt nervous. There was nothing to be nervous about. But then, it was unusual of Vernon to message me outside group chat. I opened the message and found my heart skipping a beat. 

"Hyung, how are you ?" A smile crept on my lips as I read the message. Wait, why didn't he ask me when we were together at the practice room. Did he not want to ask in front of others ? But why ? 

And how do I reply ? I am fine ? or I am not ? First one is true and second one will make him care for me. I giggled to myself at the thought. What ? Yoon Jeonghan, get a grip on yourself. I decided on the first one. 

His reply came in an instant, making me jump. 

"Okay hyung, rest well" that's it. My smile dropped as I reread the message. Why was I expecting something else ? I flipped my phone on the bed. I pouted as my body slumped into my sheets, a sigh leaving my lips. 

It had been a week since that night and I couldn't see any difference in his behaviour towards me. I should have been happy as it didn't affect our dynamics as being the members of the same group. But it did make me sad. I was looking forward to more. 

I wanted to talk to him more. I wanted to look at him without fearing of anyone noticing. I wanted to hold his hand and kiss him as my heart allowed. Well, I can hold his hand as a friends but that was not what my heart felt at the moment.