California love

i look at u and i see nothing

I walk out of the examination hall
"How was it?" Mom is the first to ask
"Aced it" I shout and they all hug me I rember just the before yesterday when nothing was working out I didn't even want to go to Stanford we all though mom was still dying and.. now mom is cancer free and I'm going to fucking stanford!! I've never been more excited I hug laurel and steven and mom as they all congratulated me I couldn't wait to tell belly it's too bad her and jere were still cleaning up after the rager we threw..

"Dude why are you shaking?" Steven asked I looked down to see my legs wobbling.. I imeaditly stopped them and shook my head
"Is somthing worng" mom asked and I sighed "I'm thinking of how to apologize to belly I really shut her out because of the whole u know.. she didn't deserve taht she was just trying to be there for me and I was so cold to her" I say and my mom smiles
"Hey belly understands she would never be upset with you for somthing like that" laurel says and I feel my heart beat calm..

We finally pull up through the driveway and enter through the back door since it was closer to where we parked the car.. I walk in to see jere and belly on the pool deck. Kissing.
There kissing eachother belly is kissing my brother and jeremiah is kissing my girlfriend... my heart drops its shattered I feel it practically Break and then my blood boil and then my chest hurt from the betrayal tehnall three at once and then nothing at all.. I see everyone stand behind me there all gasping... I clear my throat they imeaditly pull apart... "fuck" Jeremiah says..
And belly just stands there. "No no.. plz continue clearly I'm the one interrupting" insay walking past then inside the house.. mom sets dinner I'm not going tonlet them get me i decide If I have to be petty to get through this then so be it... the dinner us set and no one's eating there all looking at me.. I start eating.. "are you guys not hungry?" I ask around the table and no one says anything they just watch me gulf my food down.. "so..." i say looking at belly and Jeremiah "how long has this been going on?" I ask "a week?" I guess "all summer?" I huess again "No." Jeremiah says I nod "oh so this was your first kiss" I say sarcastically excited "no no nooo" I correct myself
"Because last summer I rmeber it was a few times and few usually means wht 3 4?" I keep guessing they don't tell me anything
"Discretion.. hmm that looks good on you jere cuz that's a new thing that's a very new thing" I say my expression still showing sarcasm "cuz normally you can't shut the fuck up about people you hook up with cuz last time I rember it was seven and that's not even including belly" I chuckle.. I look at belly blood boiling "jeres sweatshirt looks really go on you bells. I was gonna get you a stanford one cuz you know.. but finch is fun!" I say again.. shoving more food in my mouth.. "Conrad can we talk in private please" belly asks "no thanks I'm good." I say

She looks down... "im really sorry you had to see that just give me a chance to explain" she says again "explain what taht you wanna be with Jeremiah now?" I ask still showing no emotion in my tone. She looks away blinking she disent give me an answers I finsh my plate "woof.. the steak was delicious mom" I say getting and putting my plate in the sink washing my hands and walking away.. I walk up to my room and close the door and let my knees give in.. I lean against him and pull my head back. I hear the others talk outside first voice I hear is steven
"Why the fuck would you do that the entire car ride.. all he talked about is how much he cares about you and how closed off he's been and how bad he feels about it!" I hear him yell "I don't know it's all happening so fast" I hear belly scream she's crying "I don't know how it happend fuck I didn't want it to be this way!" Hermiah says next I want to kill him! "I'm really disappointed in you belly!" Laurel says "look your both my sons so I have to look at this both ways" I finally hear moms voice i wanna hear what she says about all of this.. "as your mom I'm happy you found love jere but as conrads mom the my bot didn't deserve that!" Moms tone is harsher then it's always been.. I shigh..finally shutting then all out I put my head on my knees and can't help but let the tears fall down my eyes... I wiped them away and start packing I leave for stanford tomorrow afternoon new start and I'm not going into it all messed up because of belly and jere... atkeast I didn't show them how heartbroken I actually was.. I thank my brains autopilot mode for that.. but now that's its settling in I don't know what to say..

The next afternoon mom and steven and come to drop me of at the airport... and I still act like nothing ever happend but I don't look at belly or Jeremiah but I'm tying my shoes and look up to see Belly staring right at me and I don't see my girlfriend and I don't see my bestfriend or the love of my life I don't see the girl who I though was pretty and cute and sweet. I see nothing.

At the airport mom comes with me till checking before decideing I can leave.
"Your gonna be okay right" mom says I nod. Giving her a kiss on the cheek before walking away.. I sit on the flight ready to start over.. no belly, no jere, no anything! Just me and California.