Tear In My Heart: Ashton Irwin AU

1.2 He won't even be there.

I didn't know what I really expected to find when I woke up. Sure, having the feeling of safety in Ashton's arms would have been great, but if Luke or anyone in my family caught him, we would be toast.

I sighed heavily as I say up in my bed, flicking on the television. I grabbed my phone, preparing myself for the bright screen before I texted my mum and asked her to bring me some cookies with milk.

Really, the only physical movement I was allowed to do was shower, and even that was scarily difficult sometimes.

She brought up my plate, but she lingered in my room just looking at me.

"What?" I questioned hesitantly.

She diverted her gaze away from me. "Nothing, honey." Tears were welling up in her eyes as she walked to my door.

"Obviously, something is bothering you, what's up?" I persisted.

My mother turned back towards me and flopped onto my bed lazily. "It's just that you are all growing up so fast and soon I'll be all alone here. "

"No, you won't. What about Dad? We will visit and everything." I promised her reassuringly.

She shook her head, "everything is very overwhelming for me right now, Hannah please understand that. You are about to go under the knife for a critical surgery. Your brother is flying around the country, and your brother is prepping for a new born child."

I nodded. Honestly, I never even thought about how my mum felt about everything.

I guess I always just assumed that mothers jobs were to be strong and to fix things for her children.

As weird as that seems, awful even, I just mean that my mum never let her emotions show when it came to big events in our lives.

In a way, she was the only thing holding us all together as a family, and I couldn't really thank her enough for that.

"I understand, it's hard for all of us. it sucks that Luke won't be there for my surgery." I shuffle my feet under the blankets.

"Yeah, but you know how much he wishes he could be there, and he'll be back as soon as he gets a free day." She explained calmly.

"I know, but it's not the same. I won't see him before I go under. I know you know about the survival rate of this surgery with my other problems. I might not even wake up, and when I do, he won't even be there." I complain.

I didn't realize that tears were flowing down my cheeks in even streams.

"Don't you say that, you are going to be fine, Hannah." She argued.

I rolled my eyes at the same time as my bedroom door burst open.

The person stumbled over to my bed, and wrapped his large arms around me, nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck.

I realize quickly that it's Luke and hug him back tightly.

"I'm so sorry that I can't be there, I love you so much." He mumbled drunkenly into my collarbone, shoulders shaking with trembling sobs.