Tear In My Heart: Ashton Irwin AU

.9 I don't know how to protect you from yourself

Tears brimmed the outer layer of Luke's eyes. He seemed so vulnerable that I almost felt bad, but what I had confessed was completely true.

With my condition and everything falling apart, maybe I wasn't destined for life.

Maybe I had already completed my mission in life, and now it was just my time to go.

He stood up shakily, taking my small hand in his massive ones, and squeezing tightly.

His sadness turned to firey anger. He leaned in, our noses almost touching.

"You are not going to leave me. You are stronger than this." He spat at me, tears spilling out.

I shook my head and looked away, unsure if what he said was the truth or merely a lie to try and make me feel better about the situation.

His breath was staggered and labored, nose puffy and eyes red. "Look at me!" He shouted at me. "How can you be so selfish?" He exclaimed angrily.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, what did selfishness have to do with anything going on. The only somewhat selfish thing is him leaving to go on tour while I am undergoing a critical surgery.

"Can't you see? No one wants you to die except you. Have you ever thought how I might feel? You're my only sister. I have to protect you and keep you safe, but I don't know how to protect you from yourself." He screamed at me, falling limp into the floor beside the bed.

"So, what? You're saying that if you had another sister you wouldn't care? It's because I'm a girl. Did you ever care about me? Because I swear this would be twice in one day." my voice cried out like I was in pain, but no one was around the room to assist me.

Luke struggled to his feet before looking at me. "You don't get it. I don't know if you ever will. "

He stood and walked away from me with a limp and his shoulders slumped.

I took a moment to see and observe his cuts all down his arms, fresh from knocking the glass out of my car window to get me out.

I looked down at my own limbs to find the same marks, except worse and deeper since they fell in towards me.

Part of me wondered how my noodle of a brother managed to knock the glass out of a window, but the other wondered why he would have.

I was tired,

Exhausted even.

I pushed my head into the back of the chair and rested it there for a few seconds.

My body was tired and my mind wasn't working to its full power.

I let my eyes droop shut since there was no one to talk to or reason to be awake.

I was just tired, really tired, and I needed rest. I needed a break, anything to relieve the tension building in my brain.

But I wasn't sure if I would want to wake up.