The Curse

Heaux Tales

I sat there, for a moment, digesting what he had just told me. Sex was still new to me, and gay sex was even more foreign, but i knew that having HIV was a serious thing. What I remembered was that it was none as the "gay disease" that could be passed through sex or blood. It was a very big thing in the 80s and the 90s, especially in the black gay community...people were dying left and right, they were ostracized from the world, and there was no cure. Families disowned you...it was quite literally a death sentence.

"Are you on medication?" I asked quietly.

"Yes, of course! And i take it faithfully...I'm actually undetectable!"

"What does...what is undetectable?" I felt soo dumb, not knowing, but hey...it's better to ask, right?

"It basically means that I have less of a chance of passing the disease on to someone else!" He replied before hesitantly asking, "soo...are you upset with me for not telling you sooner? I mean if you wanna break up with me, then i completely understand."

"I mean....you said you're on medication, and that you're undetectable....if, and when, we decide to have sex well....we'll just make sure we have plenty of condoms and that we're extra safe. I don't judge you though, it's just a part of your story. The fact that you told me just makes me love you more...you could've kept it to yourself, and risked possibly exposing me to it, but you didn't."

Barber looked up at me, a surprised look on his face, as i smiled back at him. I was raised never to judge a person by their shortcomings, but by their actions. For me, although outer appearance helped, I am mainly attracted to a person's spirit and energy. How they make me feel, how they treat others...and I had already begun to attach myself to Barber's spirit. He made me feel seen, important, physically and spiritually attractive. The way he made me feel was similar to how Tae did, and I'd be lying if i said that i didn't miss Tae. We both sat there, silently, unsure of what next to say.

"How about you come over, to my place, on Friday? We can spend the day together."

I thought about it, before finally agreeing.

"Sure...send me your address, and I'll figure out how to get there."

*******************************************

"Wait...so you're still gonna see him? And...umm...date him?" Marty asked as she and I cleaned the kitchen from that night's dinner.

"I mean...yeah! To both questions..."

There was a slight silence, as we continued drying and putting away dishes.

"Look, I don't want this to come off wrong" Marty started, "but...why? Aren't you afraid that you two might slip up and...well....you know!"

"I know, and I've thought about that...but I've gotten the chance to know him, you know what i mean? He's always been honest with me. Barber didn't have to tell me his status, but he did...and it took a lot for him to do that." I sat on the bar stool, by the kitchen table, bowl in one hand and towel in the other...staring into space. "If I'm being honest, I......I miss Tae! And talking to Barber makes me feel the way I felt when we were together."

Marty was quiet, taking in what i just said, as she too took a seat at the bar stool. I've said it before, she may have been a year younger than me, but Marty took her aunt role seriously. She always gave advice that was never judging, but was said in a way that not only acknowledged and received what I said, but explained the logic in why she may have taken the opposing side.

"Do you think it's fair to Barber, though. He just let his guard down and was vulnerable enough to tell you his truth. So now, even though you've expressed that you accept him, he has the fear that at any moment you may want out of the relationship...not only that but the fear of, God forbid, giving you something that could affect the rest of your life!"