The Curse

In The Beginning

It's crazy what almost dying, 3 times, can do to a person's perception of the world...and the part they played in it...as I lay in the spirit realm, i began to "see my life flash before my eyes" as they say. Let me tell you! What I saw...was not cute! There were ALOT of mistakes that i made out of sheer stupidity.

I was once a carefree, happy go lucky, kid. Raised on love, positivity, and happiness. I was that kid who believed in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, monsters under my bed, and magic...yea...that was me, lol. I believed that everyone had your best interests at heart. I believed that family, loyalty, and empathy actually meant something in the world.

'Oh to be young again!' I thought, smiling, as i watched a younger me watching Spice World: The Spice Girls Movie with my cousins. We had just come in from playing Spy Kids outside. Suddenly, everything faded out, only to return to me outside of an apartment building. I looked at my surroundings, confused, until I saw myself, elementary school aged, with my back against the brick wall of an apartment complex. Approaching me like a feline cornering her prey was my girlfriend, Lola. My present self groaned as i remembered what was to happen next...my very first kiss!

Once again, everything faded to nothingness. I was surrounded by nothing but white light. For a moment I felt as though i should be afraid, but i wasn't. In fact, i was at peace. I began walking...nowhere in particular, just walking aimlessly, trying to see if I could find someone...something...anything! I continued to walk until I heard someone slow clapping. You know how in those movies when it gets super awkward after the main character just spilled their soul to a room full of people, and that one person starts off what soon becomes a room of thunderous applause. That's what i was hearing, only there was no thunderous applause...only one person, slowly clapping.

"Bravo! Braaaaavo!" The voice said with a hint of sarcasm. "You were always one for the dramatics, weren't you Sy Sy?" I froze, hearing a name I haven't heard in over 16 years...a name that one person, and ONLY one person, has ever called me. 'It...It can't be!' I thought as i turned slowly towards where the voice was coming from...but standing in front of me, looking just as i remembered her, was my abuelita...her hair was white with wisdom, her face and hands were slightly wrinkled with age. She even still had her bracelets around her wrists that used to bang together, loudly, whenever she clapped her hands as she danced to her Luther Vandross or her hispanic music.

My abuelita, Lela as the family called her, was the matriarch of my mom's paternal family. She was the glue that kept us all together, and anyone who ever met her loved her. Lela was known for befriending everyone and just adopting them into her family. She was that Puerto Rican mother who had places to be, stories to tell, things to do. She commanded respect and admiration just by being in the room. My grandfather (who i would swear was a Puerto Rican mobster) would become almost childlike whenever he was in his mother's presence. Lela was my great grandmother, and she was my everything. I was the first male, of my generation, so i was always attached to her hip! Wherever she went, whether out of town or down the street, I was with her. None of my brothers, sister, or cousins, were around Lela like i was. She passed away from breast cancer around the end of my middle school career, and it broke the family...but here she was now, standing in front of me, looking over her glasses at me like she usually did whenever one of us got out of hand.

"And just what do you think you're doing, mijo? It most certainly isn't your time!" She said sternly.

"Time for what, Lela? Where even am I?" I asked in confusion. She chuckled, as though the question itself should have been obvious.

"You're in the spirit realm, Sy Sy!"

"Spiri....wait..." I started, looking around. "As in...I'm dead?!?" suddenly i began hyperventilating as realization began to sink in. I mean, not to be funny, but this moment was definitely giving very much Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows when Harry met Dumbledore at Kings Crossing.

"¡Calmate, mijo!" Lela said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You're not dead. You're in the in-between!"

"Ok...ok...ok!" I said, slowly, as i began to take deep breaths. "Why am I here? H...HOW did i get here?!"

"Well, Silas, you had a very big seizure. You stopped breathing and your mom had to bring you to the hospital...but again, it's not your time! So-" she stopped to pop my forehead with the palm of her hand.

"With that being said...you need to get your shit together, Silas! I understand you're hurting, and everything you've been through...but it's not just you! What do you think was going through your mom and your sibling's heads, finding you like that on the floor?! What do you think is going through your mom's mind seeing her first born son laid in the hospital not knowing whether you are going to live or die?"

I could do nothing but sit there, in silence, as my great grandmother forced me to face reality. "I'm...I'm just tired, Lela. I'm tired of having to be there for everyone and feeling like nobody is there for me when I need it...I'm tired of bad things happening to me...no one knows what I go through being sick and going through what i go thro- -"

"¡AAAAH PWEEEEY, MIJO! Yes what has happened to you is sad, and hard, but at the end of the day Silas YOU made the choices that put you in this position. YOU are the one too stubborn, and prideful, to ask for help! You can not handle everything on your own. I know you'd like to think you can, but you simply can't! I'm sorry, but you can't!"

I took in everything my abuelita was saying. The only time I heard her talk to me sternly like this, was when I showed my ass. She was right, my consequences were the result of bad choices that I made, and i couldn't blame it on anyone but myself.

"So...what do I do?" I asked.

"You pull yourself together...be the Sy Sy that I raised you to be...start learning to live life and put yourself first. It's ok to give the way that you do, but remember not to give it all away! It's ok to say NO when it's not for you, Silas! Your health and your sanity come before anything or anyone else, remember that! How can you help others when you don't even help yourself? That means getting your health in order, getting your mind in order, figuring out who exactly Silas Holloway is and isn't! And know that I will always love you and be here for you, my little Sy Sy!"

She walked closer to me, arms open, and wrapped them around me. Lela held me tightly, as only a grandmother could, and kissed the top of my head. I closed my eyes, melting into my Lela, as I took in her smell and warmth. When I opened my eyes...she was gone. I was once again alone in this room of white light with nothing but my thoughts. She was right, as usual. I had to do better than what I was doing. If not for my family, then for myself. I closed my eyes, breathing slowly and deeply. "Ok....ok...ok" I kept repeating to myself.

Everything slowly went from bright white, to the darkest black. After a brief pause.........I finally opened my eyes.....................