REACHING BEYOND THE NET

Shadows and Light

Sitting in the familiar, quiet room, I found myself staring at the soft pastel walls, trying to focus on the patterns instead of the thoughts swirling in my head. The chair beneath me was comfortable, a little too comfortable, making it easy to sink into. But I couldn't relax, not entirely. There was too much to unpack, too much that I had been avoiding for far too long.

Kiyoko, my therapist, sat across from me with her usual calm and attentive expression. She had a way of making me feel safe, of creating a space where I could talk about things I didn't even want to think about. But today was different. Today, I felt the weight of it all pressing down on me, and I wasn't sure where to begin.

"Shoyo," Kiyoko said gently, breaking the silence. "What's been on your mind lately?"

I took a deep breath, my hands fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. "A lot of things, I guess. My height... It's something I've always struggled with. I thought I had made peace with it, but lately, it's been harder to ignore."

She nodded, her eyes filled with understanding. "It's something that's been a part of your life for a long time. It's natural for those feelings to resurface, especially when you're facing new challenges."

I nodded, but the words felt heavy in my throat. "It's not just that. It's... Atsumu."

Kiyoko's expression softened even more. She knew about Atsumu, about the relationship that had left scars deeper than I liked to admit. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I hesitated, but then the words started spilling out before I could stop them. "He was everything I thought I wanted. A strong, confident player, someone who could push me to be better. But it wasn't like that. Not really. He used my height against me, made me feel like I was less because of it. He... he was abusive, Kiyoko. In ways that still hurt."

She didn't interrupt, letting me get it all out. "It took me so long to see it. To see how he was tearing me down instead of building me up. He'd make comments, little jabs about how I'd never be good enough because of my height. And when I started to believe him... that's when it got worse."

The memories came flooding back, and I had to force myself to keep talking, to not let them overwhelm me. "He was always so perfect on the outside, but behind closed doors, he was different. He knew exactly where to hit, not just physically, but emotionally. I couldn't leave—I didn't know how to."

Kiyoko leaned forward slightly, her voice gentle but firm. "Shoyo, what you went through was not your fault. You were in a difficult situation, and it's okay to still be affected by it. But you've taken steps to move forward, to heal, and that's incredibly brave."

I swallowed hard, feeling the sting of tears that I refused to let fall. "I thought I was over it. But then... I met someone. Someone who made me feel something different."

Kiyoko tilted her head slightly, her curiosity piqued. "Someone new?"

I nodded, trying to find the right words. "His name is Kageyama Tobio. He's... well, he's everything Atsumu wasn't. Strong, yes, but there's a kindness to him. A depth that I didn't expect. He's a setter for the Olympic team, and when I met him, it was like... I don't know. Like something clicked."

She smiled softly. "It sounds like he made an impression on you."

I felt a small smile tug at the corners of my lips despite the heaviness of the conversation. "He did. His blue eyes... they're so intense, but not in a bad way. And his black hair, it just... it just fits him. But it's more than that. There's something about him that draws me in, that makes me want to know more."

Kiyoko's expression was thoughtful as she listened. "It's natural to be drawn to someone who makes you feel seen in a way you haven't been before. Especially after what you've been through."

I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest. "But I'm scared, Kiyoko. What if I'm just repeating the same mistakes? What if he's not who I think he is?"

She reached out, placing a comforting hand on my arm. "Shoyo, it's okay to be cautious. You've been hurt before, and it's understandable to want to protect yourself. But it's also okay to open yourself up to new possibilities. To give yourself the chance to experience something better."

Her words were reassuring, but the fear still lingered. "I want to believe that. But every time I think about getting closer to him, I remember Atsumu. I remember how easily I was fooled, how much it hurt when the truth came out."

Kiyoko squeezed my arm gently. "Healing takes time, Shoyo. It's not something that happens overnight. But you're stronger now, and you're more aware of what you need and deserve. If Kageyama is someone who truly cares about you, you'll know it. Trust yourself."

I took a deep breath, trying to let her words sink in. "I don't want to be afraid anymore. I just want to move forward."

"And you will," Kiyoko said softly. "One step at a time. Remember, you don't have to rush into anything. Take the time to get to know Kageyama, to see if he's someone you can trust. And most importantly, trust yourself. You're stronger than you think."

Her words gave me a sense of peace, a reminder that I wasn't alone in this journey. I nodded, feeling a small weight lift off my shoulders. "Thank you, Kiyoko. I think... I think I just needed to hear that."

She smiled warmly. "That's what I'm here for. And remember, you're not alone in this. I'm here to help you through it, every step of the way."

As I left the session, I couldn't help but feel a sense of clarity that I hadn't had before. The shadows of the past were still there, but they weren't as overwhelming as they had been. And as I thought about Kageyama's piercing blue eyes and strong presence, I couldn't help but feel a spark of hope. Maybe, just maybe, this was the beginning of something new. Something better.