Heavy is the Head

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                                                                                                                                                                                 Atlanta, GA

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Atlanta, GA

August 24th

The familiar buzz of my phone's alarm pulled me from the haze of sleep, signaling the start of another day. I groaned and rubbed my eyes, I reached over to grab my phone off my nightstand. I looked at my phone and the light shined so bright I dropped it on my face.

"Ow." I whispered to myself.

I looked over to see Kaleb sleeping curled into a ball. He must've snuck into my room while I was sleeping. It's been a bad habit of his for a while, but I never said anything to him because I didn't have the heart to tell him to get out. He is only twelve but sometimes I felt like he was carrying the same weight as me, or more.

I carefully slipped out of bed and tiptoed into the bathroom. I looked at myself and was disgusted. I barely could recognize myself anymore, I had dark bags under my eyes and my hair was a mess. I hate it when my hair isn't done. I need to get myself together, not only for myself but for Kaleb and Leilani.

I finished up using the bathroom and went back to my room. I saw Kaleb sitting up and looking at me.

"Morning already?" He yawned rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah, it's time to get up." I scratched my neck. "We can't be late, you know how mom gets.'

He nodded his head and dragged himself outta bed. He ran his fingers through his hair as he passed me. He smiled at me and I softly smiled back. I hated that he had to go through this and grow up so fast. Sadly there was nothing I could do to change it. It's just some fucked up shit we go through together.

I walked to the kitchen and it was silent, the only thing I could hear was the humming sound from the refrigerator. Leilani was already at the table, her face lit up by the screen of her phone. I could see the TikTok logo on the top corner, the video's sound playing softly through her earphones. At sixteen, Leilani had a way of tuning out the world around her, something I envied more than I'd ever admit.

"Morning," I greeted her, grabbing a box of cereal from the pantry.

"Morning," she replied, glancing up briefly before returning to her phone. "Kaleb up?"

"Yeah, he's getting ready," I said, pouring myself a bowl. The kitchen felt too quiet, too empty, but that was the norm these days.

As I sat down with my cereal, Leilani finally put her phone down, looking at me with a serious expression. "Mom was up late again. Arguing with Dad on the phone."

I paused, the spoon halfway to my mouth, my stomach twisting at her words. "About what?"

"Money, I think," she said, her voice low. "It was hard to tell, but it sounded bad. I couldn't sleep."

I sighed, setting the spoon down and leaning back in my chair. It wasn't the first time, and it wouldn't be the last. Our parent's on-and-off relationship was just another source of stress that hung over our heads, never letting us forget how fragile everything was.

"I'm sorry, Leilani," I said softly, reaching out to squeeze her hand. "I hate that you have to hear that."

"It's not your fault," she shrugged, but I could see the hurt in her eyes. "I just wish things were different."

"Me too," I admitted. "But we'll get through it. We always do."

Kaleb shuffled into the kitchen just then, his hair still tousled from sleep. He looked between Leilani and me, sensing the tension but saying nothing. We'd all gotten used to pretending everything was fine, even when it wasn't.

Breakfast was a quiet affair, the three of us eating in silence. I kept glancing at the clock, knowing that any minute now, Mom would be up, and the peace would shatter. As if on cue, the front door slammed, and her voice echoed through the apartment.

"Aulani! Where are you?"

I tensed, exchanging a glance with Leilani before standing up. "In here, Mom."

She stormed into the kitchen, her eyes narrowing as she took in the scene. "Why are you all just sitting around? You're going to be late. And this place is a mess, do I have to do everything around here?"

The words hit me like a slap, even though they were nothing new. I forced myself to stay calm, to keep my voice steady. "We're just finishing up. We'll clean up before we leave."

Mom's eyes bore into me, frustration etched into every line of her face. "You'd better. I don't have time to deal with this today."

She turned on her heel and left the room, leaving a tense silence in her wake. I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding, feeling the weight of her words settle on my shoulders.

"I'll handle the dishes," I said, trying to keep my voice light. "You two go get your things ready."

Leilani nodded, quickly grabbing her bag and heading to her room. Kaleb followed, casting one last glance at me before disappearing down the hallway. I busied myself with cleaning up, trying to push down the frustration and worry that bubbled up inside me. This was just another day in our life.






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