Burden of Choices

Reality Check

Atlanta, GA

May 16th

My head was pounding, a dull throb that matched the weight in my chest. I blinked, trying to make sense of where I was, until I felt a soft weight against me, Aulani, still asleep, her head resting on my chest.

The events of last night came rushing back. The drinking, the talking, the way she leaned into me like she needed me. And I'd let her because for once, it felt like someone wanted me for more than just what I could give them.

I didn't want to move, didn't want to break the fragile peace that had settled over us. But reality was already creeping back in, reminding me of all the shit I had to deal with, business, girls, the mess I'd made of my life. This moment, as perfect as it felt, was just that, a moment. And moments like this didn't last for me.

Aulani stirred, slowly waking up. She looked up at me, her eyes still heavy with sleep, and for a second, everything felt right. Then I saw her glance at her phone, the screen lighting up with more missed calls and texts. The bubble we'd been in popped, and the weight of the world came crashing back.

"I should probably get up," she said softly, her voice still raspy from sleep. "I've got to deal with my dad."

"Yeah," I replied, my voice just as quiet. "I got shit to handle too."

But neither of us moved. We just stayed there, tangled together, trying to hold onto the last remnants of the night before everything went back to normal—or whatever passed for normal in our lives.

After a few minutes, she finally sat up, running a hand through her hair. "Thanks for coming over last night. I needed that."

"Anytime," I said, pushing myself up and stretching. My body ached from the couch, but it was worth it. "You know I'm here for you, no matter what."

She gave me a small, appreciative smile, but I could see the worry creeping into her eyes. "I should've gone to that dinner."

"You did what you needed to do," I said, trying to reassure her, even though I knew she'd be dealing with the fallout later. "Don't stress it."

"I know," she sighed, getting to her feet. "But I've got to face it eventually."

I watched as she gathered her things, trying to get herself together. She was always so strong, always taking care of everyone else. It made me feel guilty for the shit I was dragging her into, for the way I was living my life when she was trying so hard to pull herself up.

As she headed to the bathroom, I grabbed my phone, checking the messages that had piled up overnight. Trey had hit me up, asking about a drop we had planned for later today. A couple of girls had sent me DMs too, their messages full of the same old shit. I wasn't in the mood for any of it.

Aulani came back out, looking more put together, but I could still see the tension in her shoulders. "You heading out?" she asked, her voice casual, but I could hear the underlying question—Are we going back to the way things were?

"Yeah," I said, slipping my phone into my pocket. "But hit me up if you need anything."

She nodded, walking me to the door. There was an awkward pause as we stood there, both of us unsure of what to say. I wanted to tell her to come with me, to spend the day together, but I knew that wasn't what either of us needed.

"Take care, KJ," she finally said, her hand resting on the doorknob.

"You too, Aulani," I replied, giving her one last look before I stepped out into the hallway.

As I made my way to the elevator, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was leaving something important behind. But I knew better than to dwell on it. This was how things were—me, caught up in my world, and Aulani, always trying to make the best of hers.

The elevator doors opened, and I stepped inside, leaning back against the cool metal wall. I pulled out my phone again, scrolling through the messages as I tried to distract myself from the gnawing feeling in my gut. Trey was already blowing up my line, talking about the drop and asking if I was good to go.

Trey: Yo, you still down for today?

KJ: Yeah, I'm on my way.

I sent the message, shoving my phone back into my pocket as the elevator doors opened. Time to get back to reality.

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The apartment was quiet, the kind of quiet that was both comforting and unsettling. I sat on the couch, her thoughts drifting back to the morning. I hadn't heard from her dad since I'd missed dinner, and part of me was relieved. I wasn't ready to face him, or the questions that would come with it.

Leilani had texted me a few times, asking if I was okay, but I hadn't replied yet. I didn't have the energy to explain myself, to justify why I hadn't shown up. Instead, I spent the day unpacking, trying to make my new space feel like home.

As the sun set, casting long shadows across the room, my phone buzzed again. This time, it was my dad.

Dad: We need to talk. Call me when you can.

I stared at the message, my stomach twisting. I knew this conversation was inevitable, but that didn't make it any easier. I wasn't ready to hear his disappointment, to feel the guilt that always came with it.

But I couldn't avoid him forever. With a deep breath, I typed out a quick reply.

Aulani: I'll call you tomorrow. I'm sorry about dinner.

I hit send, hoping that would be enough for now. I needed more time to figure out what I wanted to say, and how I wanted to handle the situation. Right now, I was too drained, too overwhelmed by everything that had happened in the past 24 hours.

As she set her phone down, her thoughts drifted back to KJ. I wondered what he was doing if he was still thinking about me like I was thinking about him. But then I pushed those thoughts aside. I couldn't keep getting wrapped up in his world, not when I was trying so hard to build her own.

I stood up, stretching out the stiffness in her limbs, and walked over to the window. The city lights twinkled in the distance, a reminder of the life I was trying to build. It wasn't perfect, and it wasn't easy, but it was. And that was enough for now.

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