She would not miss Sonia and Priya when they left. Yes, they were her friends, but right not, they were pains in her ass that she wanted to get away from.
"Material Girl"
It was not the first time they called her that.
They said it when she was buying her hygiene products. They called her that when she was buying groceries yesterday.
"Look at her buying instant dhal, instant meal, prepared potatoes and chicken! Such a material girl!" Sonia and Priya said it over and over again, while Lucy was paying her bill, which was actually cheaper than both of their own bills. Sonia even came to clap Lucy on the shoulder when she thought Lucy did not hear the snide remarks and said to her "Lucy! You're such a material girl!", then she and Priya both laughed. Then they simply kept laughing. Did they even know what that meant? They did not seem to, given that it was totally out of context.
Lucy did not smile. She did not laugh. She barely acknowledged Sonia with a look. She did not think it was funny for them to make such a scene over her groceries like that. She knew the people around could hear them since they were being so loud. She looked at the clerk and realized she was not the only one feeling uncomfortable. She saw the clerk give Lucy's friends a sideways glance and then looked to Lucy before looking down and pulling her lips in. Lucy found that odd, since the clerk would often be the one judging her. She saw the looks of disdain from the other clerks when they processed her groceries. Some of them were quite brazen about it while some others were slightly more subtle. But she did not expect to see the look of pity on the clerk's face when she looked at her. It nearly undid her.
Their jeering and judgmental comments made Lucy feel shame. Lucy bought vegetables just like them. Eggs, meat, fruit, just like them. Yet, because she bought a small meal of fried chicken and potatoes since she was hungry and would not want to cook at this late hour, because she bought food items that would save her some time in the kitchen, rather than cooking everything from scratch, they called her "Material girl". She felt the embarrassment sit heavily on her heart and felt the shame cover her like a large blanket.
When the taxi driver arrived to bring them back to the hall, Lucy grabbed her bag to put in the trunk. He reached for hers and said "Here, let me help you". Lucy looked at him surprised. She had not expected his sudden offer to help her as he took the bag from her hands. His seemingly small act of kindness touched her so deeply that it penetrated the shame and caressed her heart. She stayed in the same spot with her eyes turned to the ground and said "Thank you", looking at her empty hands. She could even hear the surprise in her own voice. Somehow, it felt as if she did not deserved to be helped. As if, since she was a material girl, she did not deserve it. Did not earn it.
As she sat in the back of his vehicle, she closed her eyes, afraid for any emotion to cross her face. When they got back to their hall, Priya asked her if she wanted to go for a walk later or if she was not feeling well. Lucy found it strange, but then remembered. Just like Adam, Dr. Evans and Sonia, Priya wanted to make sure her words had an impact on her. She wanted to know how much Lucy was affected by their cruel words. Maybe to even get Lucy to vent to her so that she could go back and tell Sonia. The problem with that plan, was that there would have to be trust for that to happen; innocent, gullible trust. To prove that she was not affected, Lucy agreed to go and said that she felt fine.
Lucy now learnt how to effectively put her emotions to one side of her, and let herself seem dimwitted and simple-minded. On the walk, she laughed and spoke with Priya as though she did not now see her as half of the instrument that had wounded Lucy so deeply that very night. She realized though, how true it was that body language speaks louder than words. She realized that she was unable to touch Priya as she used to. Normally when they laughed, the two of them would push each other playfully grab onto each other, high five each other or just reach out and tap on another on the hand or leg.
This time, she realized that when Priya would come close to doing that, Lucy's body instinctively moved out of the way. The entire time they were out, for maybe four hours, she did not touch Priya. If they made contact, it was because Priya reached out and touched her. She squashed the urge to wipe her hand on her clothes; as if the hurt she felt were a tangible thing that she could wipe off.
As soon as she stepped foot into her room that night, Lucy's brain went right to "material girl". It was so ironic, nay, it was hypocritic. Sonia bought a vape device that was four times the price of the instant dhal. She dyed her hair purple because she felt like it. The cost of the dye alone was insane. She made meals for herself as well as guys from her school, including the one who molested her. She bought a new phone case from one of the most expensive brands. Lucy barely knew the girl, but this is what she saw when she only began to scrape the surface.
She has also failed multiple courses and needs to rewrite them. Lucy knew what it was like to fail so she did not judge Sonia because of it. But she did want to tell her that maybe if she spent more time studying instead of wasting her time and her money on crap like the aforementioned, then maybe she would have passed all her courses. And of course Lucy would be the villain for pointing out such a thing.
Priya was complaining about having to carry back four suitcases when she goes back to India and that she wanted to take a suitcase full of food. What single woman needed four suitcases of stuff to stay in an apartment! She even said that she likes ALL the clothes, even those that do not fit her, and she was going to bring back all of them with her. The most ironic part was that both Sonia and Priya bought boba tea that same day, large cups as they had no choice since the cashier claimed that there were "no small or medium sizes". She tasted it a few times before, but she never understood why people bought it when they could just make their own tea at home, which took no more than five minutes. Yet, Lucy was the material girl.
"Judge not, lest ye be not judged. For with whatever measure of judgement ye judge with, ye shall also be judged"
She hoped that their snide remarks and hypocritic judgments would one day come back and bite them in the ass, as this verse promised. Although it was petty and Lucy knew better than to entertain these thoughts, they did cheer her up when she was feeling low. Lucy decided not to let melancholy get the best of her and tried to recalled the other parts of the day. Like back to the tall, handsome junior doctor that she saw in the grocery store that day. Priya was wearing another sundress and Lucy did not have any expectation of being looked at.
This was why she was so surprised when she saw the doctor looking at her. She knew it was her, because no one else was around her. Priya and Sonia had gone to look at frozen chicken. She noticed when he recognized her. He was at the checkout area and was on the phone when he saw her. She saw him do this maybe twice before she walked out of his line of vision. She saw another young doctor that she recognized from the hospital and he looked at her as well. Was there something in her teeth? Why were they paying any attention to her? Did she do something she was not aware of? These questions started pricking at Lucy's mind, because she could not understand why they would be watching her. The tall one even walked passed the check out area and turned directly to face Lucy as he walked passed. Of course this was when 'material girl saga' began.
Lucy understood that she would never be able to 'attract a man', so she gave up and just decided to be herself. So before they had left for the store, she pulled her hair back in a high pony tail, in honor of her new found confidence that morning, her comfy T-shirt, small hoop earrings, and a pair of plain black jeans. This was Lucy. She was not a people pleasing, attention seeking, man catching girl. She was simply Lucy; funny, a little sarcastic and very awkward. And very, very distrusting.
As she sat on her bed now, stitching up a section of her bra that had ripped open for maybe the hundredth time, she said "Material girl, my ass". She just knew if either Priya or Sonia's bras ripped they would simply buy a new one or use one of their hundreds that they had. Lucy had four bras in total. She had to wash at least every four days just so she had clean ones to wear. Both these girls came from sickeningly rich families. They had no idea how to sew, even Priya admitted that when Lucy told her how she had to sew her purse strap only recently. For goodness sake, she did not even know what a sewing kit looked like! Yet, the audacity of these girls to call Lucy a material girl was so ridiculous, Lucy had to laugh.
She was watching a show that night about a plague and there was a line that hit her:
"If this plague shows us anything, it is that we are to choose paths for ourselves we wish to keep and the paths we wish to throw away".
She could not help but replace the word "paths" with "people".
