Hopeless

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Today was the last day of Lucy's senior medicine rotation. Her consultant, a tiny lady with a robust personality, had rounds with the group today.

She asked Keisha:

"A twenty-two year old female comes to you with hypertension. What are you thinking? "

The answer that Lucy began formulating in her head was voiced by Keisha, and the consultant nodded. Then she pointed to Lucy.

"Give me another cause."

This was what Lucy loved about being exhausted. Your brain does not have time to process the anxiety as fast as it would under normal (non-sleep deprived) conditions. She answered before her brain had time to sabotage her:

"She may be using recreational drugs, so I would want to do a toxicology screen for her."

The consultant opened her eyes widely and exclaimed to the senior resident "Oh she's smart! That would be excellent to check!" She continued to praise Lucy for her answer for maybe a full half a minute. Lucy felt pride mingle with embarrassment in her chest and felt a blush bloom on her cheeks.

She had never gotten praise from a consultant. Never. To be called "smart"...and on rounds? For maybe thirty more seconds, that word rang in her ears, and she needed a minute to just calm down. After being told quite the opposite by other consultants, even subtly by the very man she had a crush on, she could not help but feel like this was not deserved. That it was a lie and she were not smart at all. She knew that in itself was a lie. Lucy in fact, was intelligent and anybody who tried to make her believe otherwise, could go to hell. She felt like she was going to cry from happiness.

Thank God the anxiety did not get the best of her this time. She actually had lost a lot of sleep last night due to a bombardment of dreams.

One of those dreams included a certain Dr. Fineman.

In the dream, she was walking through a set of OT doors when she suddenly heard a voice she knew to be the Holy Spirit say to her, "Not that one."

So she opened another door and entered a corridor. She saw him there. This had to be the most masculine version of Adam she had ever seen. He was dressed in a simple black shirt and black pants that covered a beautifully muscled body. Even though he had a naturally lean frame, he was bulked in all the right places. He was tall. So tall that Lucy held his hands and looked at his shoes while asking him, "How did you get so tall?" She thought that maybe he was wearing taller shoes, but what he donned were a pair of sexy black boots.

He did not answer her. Instead, he hooked his arms under hers and heaved her up into the air like she weighed nothing. Instinctively, Lucy wrapped her legs around his waist. He felt so strong and sturdy between her legs. She wrapped her arms around his neck and started kissing his neck lightly, whispering to him that she was so happy he was doing well.

She felt him scratch her back lightly, and she shivered while she ran her arms up and down his back. He held her tightly and buried his face into her neck, inhaling deeply. It felt like he needed that hug just as much as she did.

The second part of the dream was a bit strange. Apparently, he was supposed to teach her and her team of students. Lucy ventured to a side booth in the classroom they were suddenly in, where beautiful pink and red rings were being sold. She tried them on and realized that all of them were too big for her. She went to sit in front of Adam, who was perched on the edge of the desk in front of the classroom. "You finally ready, babe?" He asked her.

That was where the dream concluded. She woke up that morning with a blush on her face and a smile in her heart. She could still feel his muscled arms around her waist and his strong hips between her thighs. Now, on rounds, it was a bit hard to focus when she remembered just that. She had even felt his need in the hug he gave her. When he held her tightly and buried his head into her neck, she imagined that his face being buried other places on her would be equally amazing. She was relieved that she could at least attribute her sweating to the general punishing heat in the hospital.

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