Bend, not break

Part 3 - Accompanied and surrounded by love

It hadn't helped that Carmen had told her well before the actual end of the day that Fina should take the rest of the day off. But after two hours of patiently watching Fina rearranging the same shelf with the same soaps over and over again, Carmen had come to the conclusion that there was no point in being a spectator to this tragedy.

Not that Carmen couldn't understand. Fina had told her about the brief conversation. And even though it was on her lips to say something about it, she had merely listened silently. The decision that Fina now had to make was not an easy one. But it wasn't up to Carmen to make it. Especially not in such a short time.

However, she wouldn't have known what to advise her either. A fortnight ago, a week ago, even yesterday, she would have advised her not to answer Doña Marta's question, she was sure of it. But now it no longer seemed so easy to make a judgement about the woman who had tried so hard to do the right thing. And who, in the end, had risen above the shards of her pride, conquered her fear and came here. Who was now prepared to go much further, literally.

Carmen wanted this for Fina, she really wanted it. Someone who was prepared to put everything that might have meaning behind them for their love. But she wasn't sure whether this still dangerous path was the right one for Fina. For Fina, who not only had a secure financial future here, but also a loving, supportive family and friends who cherished her. What is love worth, Carmen asked herself silently. Is it really worth everything?

But she also knew that this kind of love would never have a chance to flourish on this hacienda, in this place. Not only did the de la Reina family hold all the reins tightly in their hands, there were also many people who thought like her former colleague Petra. And without the support of her own family, Dona Marta would not be able to hold her protective hand over Fina or even herself for long. The world wasn't fair, but for the moment it was the only one that existed and in which one had to live. Perhaps times would change at some point, Carmen hoped for her friend's sake, but it wasn't that time yet.

She herself also wanted love. But she wished that she would never have to make a decision of this magnitude in her life.

As the two women said goodbye with a hug and a smile, Carmen briefly wondered whether she had perhaps seen the last of Fina. But then she shook her head vigorously. It was hard to imagine that everything would happen so quickly. And even if it did, there would be ways and means of seeing each other again or talking on the phone, at least once the smoke from the impending explosion had cleared. After all, this was 1958 and no longer the time of stagecoaches.

-

Fina had walked to the river after Carmen had told her to take the rest of the day off. There was no point in lying alone in the bed in the accommodation. And in the canteen, people would inevitably wonder what she was doing there at this hour. She would have been reluctant to meet even her father now. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts.

She had been staring at the water flowing by for a long time, with most of the city behind her. At this point, the Tagus meandered gently through the hills of the city. Although the craggy walls here were less steep, it was a quiet place. Perhaps because there was little view from here. But the place also allowed little insight, it had always been perfect for secret meetings. But even here, you couldn't shake the feeling that made you look around every now and then for overly curious glances. This one place where you didn't look around didn't seem to exist. If you didn't count lockable hotel rooms. And even there, one occasionally listened intently when the footsteps of uniformed men could be heard in the hotel corridor.

Fina had been thinking of Carmen, Claudia, Gaspar and all her other friends. And, of course, Digna, who had set her straight so many times. How she would love to ask her for advice now. And finally, she also thought of Isidro, her father, who had outgrown himself in recent weeks. What would he say to all of this?

"Accompanied and surrounded by love," were his words when asked what he wanted for his daughter. Fina didn't doubt for a moment that this would be the case with Marta by her side. Nevertheless, there were many things to consider. Including the fact that another "no" would probably mean the final end. Could she bear that again?

The Tajo could take them from this point to Lisbon, they just had to let themselves drift, Fina thought as she looked at the flowing water again. Why couldn't everything be easier? What exactly was so wrong with their love? Nothing, Fina thought grimly. There was nothing wrong with loving another person, absolutely nothing.
She looked at her watch. She would have finished work twenty minutes ago. So it couldn't be much longer before Marta would arrive.

The minutes passed slowly without Fina hearing any footsteps. She kept looking at her watch, but that didn't bring the desired result either. She didn't believe for a moment that Marta would stand her up. Not after today. But perhaps something had happened that made it impossible for Marta to come to her. She heard an ambulance from far away and immediately had images in her head that made her shiver. Another eternity passed, the siren long gone, when she finally, finally heard footsteps behind her.

Fina wrapped her arms around Marta's slender figure just a fraction of a second after Marta had said "Hello" with an almost shy smile. Fina had loved the fact that this strong woman sometimes seemed so shy and insecure. She had often wondered how great Marta's hidden fragility really was. The fact that she could at least sometimes show this side to her seemed like a gift to Fina. She also loved it when that shy smile sometimes gave Marta the look she must have had when she was a young girl.

They held each other for a while until Marta finally broke away and studied Fina's face so carefully, as if she wanted to memorise every little wrinkle and dimple.

She wanted to kiss Fina. Her whole body, her whole heart, screamed and demanded it. But after today in the shop, Marta knew that if there was only one more kiss like that, she would be lost forever. She feared Fina's decision and her automatic self-protection, which had so often prevented her from simply collapsing and not getting up again, forced her to take a step back.

Fina seemed to be able to read everything she needed to understand in her face and took a step towards her at the same time as Marta took a step back. She gently placed her hands on Marta's cheeks. Warmth shimmered in her eyes. This warmth had such a power over Marta that she was sometimes more afraid of it than of all her father's words and decisions. There was no rebellion against warmth, against love. In Marta's world, there was only attack, flight or freezing when the love and thus the fear became too strong. Anger and coldness were her means of escaping this fear, which nevertheless clung to her heart with a firm grip.

It was ironic, because even now she was planning an escape. But she hoped that this time it wasn't an escape from love, but towards it. Perhaps for the very first time in her life, she was prepared to really fight for something and give up everything else. Perhaps it was also the very first time that something meant so much to her that it was worth fighting for.

"Where you go, I want to go. Where you stay, I will stay," she heard Fina recite softly, words that she already knew from the Catholic boarding school for girls that she had been sent to at a young age.
Don Augustin would not have thought of them, but Fina looked at her with certain eyes as she repeated the words several times, but firmly: „Where you go, I will go, and where you stay, I will stay; your people are my people, and your God is my God. Where you die, there I will die, and there I will be buried." Only slowly did they seep through Marta's mind. All the way to her heart.
There they exploded into a thousand shooting stars. Tears welled up in her eyes. Marta almost collapsed with relief. She sobbed as Fina caught her in her arms. And when Fina leant over her, she willingly opened her lips for a long kiss.