Strawberry And Cherry Chapstick

Strawberry And Cherry Chapstick (Pt.8) |too far?|

charlie sat down with ellie on the couch, staring blankly at the tv, colours flashing at them. "oh, i got a text from jay, riley is asleep if you wanna go back?" ellie offered. "sure, might be good to just reflect and talk to her in the morning" she agreed and stood up, hugging ellie tightly "thank you, for everything." charlie smiled warmly, a genuine smile, that was new. "anytime, also jay might be on their way aswell" ellie smiled back, and walked her out the door, sending her off with a hug, her phone and dedication to talk to riley

charlie slowly walked down the hallway, up to the stairs and to her floor. seeing jay and hugging them tightly, then moving on back to her room- her and Riley's room.

she walked to her bed, looking down at Riley. she put on light shorts and a shirt, her scars showing a bit. charlie put her head to the side of the pillow as she flopped on the bed gently, seeing riley lie asleep, not having a worry in the world. how did she manage to have someone like riley is the thing she'll never know. the sides of her mouth pricked upwards but she didn't feel happy. for some reason. she got up from the bed after a while of staring blankly at the wall behind riley, she turned and walked to the bathroom, closing the door and turning on the light, a silent click and buzz of the light filling the room. charlie put her hand on her collar, tugging downwards to see the scars on her chest, they were fading.

how could someone like riley like someone like charlie? if she even did like charlie. the tears filled her eyes as she wiped it away. she sighed and put her head in her hands, charlie involuntarily realised it would be one of those nights again. nights where she couldn't control anything about herself other than the small, shallow, breaths and blinks she took.

its common sense to her that times like this were times she couldn't control at all, but the urge to crawl out of her own skin, escape from it all; was overwhelming to say the least. at this rate
everything was overwhelming for her. even living.

she tried repelling herself from crying but the sting of her repressed cries hurt more than a bullet in the chest, which she would much rather at this moment- or to be comforted, but who would comfort her? not riley because she might not even like her.

charlie sobbed into the sink, and turned around at the sound of the door unlocking. "char..?" riley asked, looking into the door and covering her mouth, before running to charlie and embracing her. Charlie's hands resting on Riley's waist, it felt like she was only doing this for sympathy.

"i-im sorry.." charlie apologised softly and cried into Riley's shoulder. "don't be sorry" riley ran her hands through Charlie's short black hair and comforted her as if she were Riley's own family. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. you were right." riley apologised sincerely.

in some ways, they were connected like family, but that gap that separates relationships and family remained distinct. charlie knew the reason though, riley must not want to be with charlie lobg term. that is the only reasonable explanation. who would want to be with someone that falls apart every day over such little things?

the clock on the wall ticked away, 1am. "do you want to go down to the store? i can buy you something ?" riley suggested, bringing herself off charlie and rubbing her shaky shoulder. "..oh.. no it's alright" charlie declined. of course she thinks charlie needed items to make herself happy! she was fucking mental! shes not normal. she will never be. she'll never be normal.

charlie repressed tears again, leaving the room and pretending to go to sleep, riley coming over to the bed and sleeping as well. 2 hours passed, and charlie made sure riley was asleep. she tiptoed out of the door, getting her wallet and leaving her phone there, for safety measures.

she walked over to the closest pharmacy, going through the large, cold, glass doors. charlie looked around, wiping her eyes again as she walked to the counter.

"hey, um- could i get 40 milligrams of melatonin?" she asked politely, "of course, having trouble sleeping?" the person at the counter had no idea what she needed it for, but charlie knew. she knew just fine. tears pricked in her eyes as she blinked them away, nodding, grabbing the pills and paying.

was this going too far? no, not for someone like charlie. a fucked up, lunatic. she knew it wasnt because of riley, but she felt it would be better off if riley didnt have to deal with her and her mood swings, charlie knew the moments they had together were greatly cherished.

but nothing lasts forever.

charlie walked calmly down the street, reaching their dorm room, riley sprawled across the bed and sleeping. charlie slowly placed the melatonin in the bathroom drawer where riley wouldnt see and closed it shut gently. charlie crawled into riley's arms as the night sky loomed over them, like a pair of arms, tightening their grip around the world.

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the morning sun raised agonisingly slowly, a new day stabbing her in the heart; again. charlie came to a conclusion that every day was the same, just in different ways. there was no such thing as 'new things' just same thing, different form. it seemed to be that way with everything for her.

just repeating, slow days. like nails on a chalkboard, annoying and agitating.

although dhe knew she had many people she could open up to, she couldnt even open up to herself, she didnt kkow the reason she was sad, charlie just finalisef the answer as 'she was irritating and everyone hated her' it was just this little voice in her head telling her shes worthless, like nothing really matters when she does it.

she tended to agree to that voice, listen to the one thing that deprecated her in order to have validation to feel this way. her head was the only thing that made her feel.. bad. but unlike the people around her, she couldnt control what her mind thought of her.

it was easy to get caught up in her thoughts as charlie slowly gazed across the room. Riley deep in a sleep. maybe it was time. time for the thing she doubted, but knew she needed. well, not so much she needed but everyone else around her. since she was so much of a burden. Charlie thought too much about her mind, honestly it was confusing. she hated thinking about herself, yet she always found ways to think she wasnt good enough.

but it wont matter soon.

author's note:

hey everyone!! i just wanted to put a disclaimer for the next few chapters, it does NOT end happy. if you want to skip it, go to chapter 11.

it is similar to chapter 3 (have a look if you are unfamiliarized) but i want to put a disclaimer for sv1cid3 and again, very self depricative words.

i care very much about my readers' wellbeing and please heed the warning!!