Strawberry And Cherry Chapstick

Strawberry And Cherry Chapstick (Pt.9) |if only|

Charlie sighed slowly, she had to remind herself that this was for the best. she set a timer for 10 minutes, she texted ellie and jay that she loved them, 2 minutes gone. she wrote some notes. 4 minutes gone. 4 minutes left, in that time, she made her bed and put the stuffed animal her and riley made together on it, 1 minute left.

in that one minute, charlie subconsciously counted down, each second her finger moved artistically to grab pills, she grabbed enough to put her to a deep sleep which she hopefully wouldn't wake up from, and as she heard the timer go off, she swallowed the pills. she slowly climbed to the bed, it was neat, and there was no sign of riley coming back anytime soon, she was at her last class. the timer's constant irritating rings became muffled in her cold ears as she laid down on her bed, she closed her eyes and felt the burning sensation in her throat, she closed her eyes, and floated. the kind of sensation an angel would feel. but she was no angel, not one bit. not to herself she wasnt.

the ringing of the timer stopped, but a thud was heard, although the sounds were muffled, she could tell it was riley, a slow and desperate tear left her eye, Riley shouldve known they'd never work out. charlie felt her body relax, but woke up from her rest, what once felt like her escape, turned back into reality when she saw rileys face full of tears, and she was screaming. charlies puffy eyes blinked slowly. and she closed them, expecting to go where she was meant to. where she thought she was meant to. the distant screams of riley shouting for her to wake up made falling into unconsciousness hard. "CHARLIE PLEASE WAKE THE FUCK UP PLEASE." riley screamed, holding charlie close to her chest, as a way of simulating a heartbeat by using her own.

There was a pattern that charlie noticed, every time her mental health would get bad, riley was always the one to stop it from getting worse. if it wasnt for her, she wouldn't have got into the championships for skateboarding, if it wasnt for her, she wouldve died a long time ago. if it wasnt for herself though, charlie wouldve lived a normal life. one where riley wasnt screaming and crying and begging for her to wake up.

'oh riley, you dont know just how much i want to wake up.' the words trampled through charlies head like a chant, 'i want to wake up' until it was just, 'wake up' but the chants of 'wake up' werent just in her mind, she only realised that until small tears trickled down onto charlie's face. "please.. i.. i cant loose you. i love you charlie. please.." the desperate sobs came out of rileys mouth like a plead to be set free. like the ones running through charlies mind just a few minutes ago

"riley, i love you.. so much. Don't wait for me please." charlie softly spoke, her lips gracefully moving, like a melody. "what do you mean. charlie please. CHARLIE. CHARLIE DON'T LEAVE PLEASE. PLEASE! CHARLIE I SWEAR. PLEASE. CHARLIE I- I CANT DO THIS PLEASE WAKE UP" Riley yelled, a desperate beg. how pathetic. "CHARLIE! CHARLIE WAKE UP THIS ISNT FUNNY. PLEASE. WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP"

it was quite sweet how much she cared, but words werent enough to take back what charlie had done, more so; the pills that are causing this.

it had to end like this some way didnt it? it was always meant to result in charlie being unconscious, hey? oh well, if thats the case, then theres nothing she could do about it. poor, poor riley. sobbing while holding the once conscious body in her tense hands. how silly. how silly of her to think charlie could live normally. although both riley and charlie knew she wouldnt survive, Riley still had hope. exceot it was pointless to hope now.

charlie's cold body lay in Riley's hands. riley trembling as she called an ambulance, the hospital were quite frequently called for her this year werent they? she always wondered why, although the answer was more than clear.

she wonder why charlie did it.

she wondered why it had to end like this

She wondered if she did something.

she wondered if it was the fact charlie had been depressed.

she wondered why she didn't notice.

riley just wondered, why.

riley tried to compose reasoning for the event that had occurred to her only love. but nothing made sense. maybe it just had to be this way.

how unfortunate. and how sad it was to see riley hopelessly sob watching her love being taken away in the ambulance, in the cold, plastic bodybag.

Riley turned off into her room, a cold look on her face, hearing the sirens dissapear. just emotionless from the previous events. she grabbed the alcohol that was stuffed in the side of their mattress and chugged it like water, feeling the warm, tingly, familiar sensation go down her throat, sore from the yelling and crying. she swore she wouldn't after their argument.

riley looked off to the wall, zoning out into her thoughts with the alcohol in hand.

what would she do without charlie? would it be something she could handle? can she actually deal with this? how does she cope with this? was it because of her? was the cutting meant to be a sign she was struggling? was something going on that she didnt know about?

tears stroked her red face as riley sobbed, loudly crying and praying through tears that her love would be returned.

if only it worked that way, then all her wishes would come true, but this was the only one she really wanted to come true. but she knew it couldnt. the damage had been done, the irreversible had been executed.

riley knew she had to keep going for charlie though, the longer she strayed from motivation, the longer she'd have to suffer. but for now, she could mourn this loss.

riley sobbed into her knees, trembling and sniffling , wishing Charlie's arms were around her. but they weren't. they wont ever be.

because Riley couldn't stop her.

why? she wouldn't know that, but she wished she did.

although, she knew the answer wouldnt be something she would like. if only there was a different way. if only she stopped charlie.

it lingered in her hurting mind that she could've done something, it was an endless cycle that she thought of. maybe that was what charlie was going through. no. how selfish of her? to compare her stress and guilt to her only love. how selfish.

although, charlie was just as selfish. leaving riley. she knew it was up to charlie, but riley felt she had a part in the decision, considering she was her girlfriend.

'girlfriend'

she didnt know what she would be like without charlie, riley thought that would be the end of her too. but, the thought continued that charlie would be proud if she kept going.

it hurt seeing that she couldve done something to prevent the actions that had happened, if only she came home earlier. if only she saw how much charlie was struggling.

if only.