amor's glow (jianxin)

SPECIAL CHAPTER XI

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"Jianuary?"

"Hmm?"

Jianuary, his eyes heavy with sleep and exhaustion, responded to Xin's tender touch as he gently played with his hair. The familiar scent that he had missed so deeply, the one that had become his solace over the years, was now enveloping him once more. Each breath of it was a balm to his soul.

He had yearned for this moment throughout their separation, each day marked by an aching longing for Xin's presence.

Jianuary missed these intimate moments—the quiet serenity and warmth they shared after their lovemaking, their bodies entwined in a tender embrace, whispering sweet nothings as they basked in the afterglow of their love. It was in these precious seconds, wrapped in each other's arms, that he felt truly at home.

Xin feels the same way. He has never experienced this kind of feeling for anyone else—and he never sought out anyone other than Jianuary.

"I know I don't have the right to ask this, but..." Xin exhales heavily, his voice trailing off as he searches for the right words. His gaze drifts towards the sky, where the first faint traces of dawn are beginning to etch themselves onto the gray view of the horizon.

"How were you all those years?" He finally gathers the courage to ask, his eyes never leaving the sky.

"Did you... ever love someone else other than me?"

Silence follows, filled with the unspoken weight of words in mind that seems so hard to be spoken – and yet they are begging to be told.

Jian blinks, as if waking from a deep slumber, and looks into where Xin' eyes are gazing.

"I was..." Jian's voice is a ragged whisper, as if the very act of speaking these words is tearing him apart. 

"Broken..."

The words hangs in the air like a mournful sigh, and Xin feels the ache of it resonate deep within him. He had always known, of course, but there was something about hearing it from Jian's own lips that made the reality of it all the more painful.

"It was... difficult, Xin." Jian's words come out in a halting, painful cadence.

"Moving on was like climbing a mountain made of glass. It was... agonizing to accept... to the point that I can't love somebody else because all I could think is you... Ikaw... Ikaw nalang lagi..." He lastly said. The silence returns, wrapping around them like a shroud, thick with the echoes of unspoken hurts and the lingering shadows of a love that neither can fully let go.

Xin tightens his embrace to Jian, who closes his eyes as let his head rest on Xin's chest. He could hear the heartbeats, almost as if a beautiful melody.

"Jianuary," Jian smiles hearing the deep voice of the older.

"Hmm?"

"I'm not perfect, not exceptionally good, nor particularly talented. I'm not the funniest person, nor the best cook, and I'm certainly not as smart as you. But I want to do my best to be better for you. I'll try my hardest to make you laugh, to cook meals that could rival the best chefs, and to work hard enough to make you proud. I know you have everything the world can offer, and I'm just nothing but a man who loves you—a man who's eager to give you his last name and become a part of your life."

Each word was a beat of Xin's heart, and as Jianuary listened, tears fell from his eyes like warm, loving rain.

"Jianuary... will you let me love you deeply, deeper than the deepest ocean? Will you... marry a man like me?"

Jianuary's tears began to fall, and Xin could feel the warmth of them. The younger embraced him even tighter, chuckling softly as he wiped away his tears. Xin smiled as Jianuary buried his face in his neck, allowing him to inhale his familiar scent once more.

"I won't marry a man like you," Jianuary whispered, his voice filled with emotion. 

"Because I'll marry you."

***