can't cry,
i actually figured out it's impossible to cry...
like something inside my head is holding back everything in my eyes;
warm tears form in the corners,
i need to cry but i can't get anything out of my eyes
...or maybe my head,
soft brown eyes all blurry but nothing comes out,
just a growing warmth,
a pounding in my skull never ceasing,
and disassociating till my ending;
they're just sitting in my eyes,
silently.
strumming a polished ukulele,
they keep humming,
something... something...
i'll never exactly understand.
"robin! agh! shut up!" i'd yell, completely aggravated;
i'd glance down to the open book in my lap,
its pages yellowing,
wrinkled,
with black ink, still wet and smeared on the pages.
robin looks up,
blinking their hazel eyes filled with...
pure innocence;
their rust red curls bounce,
and they put down their ukulele on a stool nearby.
they sit there, knees tucked to their chest,
and posture sitting relaxed,
they're silently watching me in contentment,
"well, are you going to rant, lovely? i know you need to."
and i'd shake my head angrily,
turning away in a huff as i pull a tiny pen-knife from my jumper's pocket;
pressing the cold metal against my skin...
instantly, it stings;
tiny bubbles of blood pop up and suddenly,
i can feel again,
in the only way i know how.
robin's footsteps hurriedly approach behind me,
in the blink of an eye,
their pale fingers wrap around the bloody blade,
they'll just pry it away...
i sigh, they always do.
"angel, we've talked about this before."
they acknowledge softly,
and i think i hear that knife clatter behind me;
eventually, i can confirm when blood splatters my white shoes...
i collapse to the cold floor, knees against my chest,
robin sits with me, silently and lets me rest
"you look sick."
they say, gently, nudging their palm against my cheek, making my stomach flutter and feel weak.
i can feel a certain coldness emitting from their golden favorite golden ring.
"robin... i need to cry, i can't but i need to!"
robin nods slowly, finger tracing my upper lip; tenderly which was bloody and red from my biting down upon it.
"i'm so fucked up...! how are you supposed to deal with life?!"
robin sighs softly,
rising up from the concrete floor,
and i dunno why but they...
they walk towards a shattered mirror on the wall;
staring deep into it.
"see, darling, this is when... you have to take a deep breath, figure out, what shit is going on."
robin turns back towards me,
their form morphs ever-so-slightly,
and they blink slowly...
one eye turning a hazy blue and the other an almost... chocolate color.
"but what if... i never figure out what's going on?"
i sigh sadly,
eyes staring up at the vacant ceiling,
nothingness,
tears glint,
making my eyes blurry and they're silvery,
against pale cheeks
but robin comes up behind me.
"you'll figure out someday, lovely."
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
||can't cry, even in my dreams|| ~ angel
(robin is one of the people inside my head for reference, i don't exactly what to call them but the best term is a very vivid imagery friend that i can talk to, see and hear and this is an interaction i had with them.)
