Stefania & Me

Uno - The Beginning

Have you ever thought about how much a person you don't actually know could change your life? How someone so distant from you could have an influence on the person you are today? Me either.

Hi. Im Ella, im English and Italian and right now as I live and breathe im 17.
One thing about me that make me, well me, is that I have autism. I was diagnosed a few years ago, late, as most females sadly are. But this isn't a story about that, this is a story about the greysverse, and Stefania Spampinato the icon she is.

A common thing with autistic individuals is a special interest. Something that brings the person so much joy and excitement that they can't physically contain it. Imagine getting so excited that you have to jump around and squeal! A special interest is an intense fixation on a particular topic or thing. It could be a book series, types of rocks, a specific art style, or in my case a TV universe.

You wouldn't have clicked on this if you weren't a greys fan or a station 19 fan so join the club. I have been watching greys and station 19 for 6 years now, I would have started sooner but I was only 11 when I started and to say it lightly, the greysverse isn't the most PG! I watch these shows and write about these shows and collect information about these shows, which seems a tad stalkerish and obsessive but the smile I have on my face when I think about them is priceless. My room is plastered with posters and drawings of the actors and characters, my bed with greys anatomy blankets and pillows, my phone case and other possessions all greys themed. To say I like the greysverse would be the understatement of the year. I turn to it on days that are hard, days where I struggle to function. Which is sadly a lot because living in a world that wasn't created with the autistic mind in thought in bloody hard! But this isn't a sob story.

My poor poor friends all have to listen to me openly obsess and fixate on the characters and actors, specially Stefania Spampinato and Carina DeLuca and the Marina ship! When they let talk about it at then and info dump it makes me realise how lucky I am to have friends that allow me feel safe and valued. Anyway, Stefania. She as we know is Italian, and so am I, which is maybe why I fell in love with her character Carina. But it could also be just because she's an amazing actor and the definition of a human cinnamon roll! She's just such an icon I mean you can't even try to deny it!

I live in the UK and back in May Stefania announced she was coming to a con in London in July. I was beyond excited! The idea that I could potentially have the opportunity to meet my favourite person (that sounds quite weird but I promise I'm not a stalker!) ah I was so happy! This is where I started jumping around, happy stimming. I looked at the tickets for the con, and the tickets for the hotel, and the train and it was super expensive.

At the time I was studying for my end of year exams and I did not have the greatest track record with exams. I had just moved to a new school and for some reason I had lost my access arrangements which where that I sat my exams in a separate room. The last time I sat an exam in a big hall I had a complete meltdown and failed all my mock. Whoops. But to get to the point, I told myself if I got through my exams without a meltdown I would use all my savings to get myself ass to London to meet Stefania.

Unfortunately despite my efforts I wasn't successful. I had a major meltdown in my psychology exam. I was beyond disappointed because psychology was my best subject, I had better control of my meltdown, and it meant I couldn't go to London. The most disappointing thing was the fact that is wasn't my fault that I didn't do as well as I had hoped. The school knew I had access arrangements but failed to provide them despite my mum contacting them and asking if they were in place. That's what hurt. I did however walk away from the psychology exam with 92% and an A* but that was not the point, the meltdown was emotionally draining.

I was really upset I couldn't go to London because the condition was I made it through my exams without a meltdown, and I didn't. And I'm one for following the rules so I wasn't about to break them. Eventually I came to terms with the fact that I wasn't going and I was ok with it. Then! Fan Fusion UK posted on Instagram that they were doing a ticket giveaway. My god I was excited! I went and asked my mum to nominate and she did and I was eager. They said they would announce the winners on the 18th of June and you bet I was waiting for that day like my life depended on it. As time went on I had convinced myself I hadn't won because in my knowledge, only my mum nominated me. What I didn't know is my mum had sent it to my friends and asked them to nominate me, my dad nominated me, and so did my siblings.

On the 20th of June, a Thursday, I didn't have school for some reason that I don't really remember but I had planned the day to finally watch the Station 19 finale. I had been putting it off because if I watched it it meant the show was over. When I heard Station 19 was cancelled I was beyond upset, it was sort of like someone had died. I don't really know how else to explain how upset I felt without sounding crazy but it felt like someone had crushed me and I couldn't stop crying for days, and whenever someone mentioned it I broke down. No one really understood because it wasn't their special interest, but I was very upset, still am, still am. Anyway the day was to watch the finale and cry about it, good day hah! At 12:30pm I got an email.

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A/N: this is a little different to what I am doing at the moment. But this is a story I wanted to tell, it's all true and all happened. The greysverse fandom is a beautiful fandom. People of all different backgrounds coming together to love. Ahh. Anyway feel free to leave comments it would mean a lot.