Number on me

15. Crux

The walk was exactly what she needed.

It felt weird feeling so right. She had just been in the ICU, but she hadn't felt this good in a while. Sleeping was still a problem, but she was less tired than before she got admitted. She also felt an extreme sense of relieve now that she wasn't tempted by her medication. Leah hadn't told her where she was keeping the pills, and Maxine was thankful for that. If she had known, it would've been like Tantalus' fruit, so close, but still out of reach.

There were only two things truly bothering Max at the moment; her kiss with Sadie, and the upcoming holidays. She solved the Sadie problem the same way she had been the last couple of days, by not solving it, and not even thinking about it. Christmas was a much more dire problem. Her plans had been cancelled alongside her parents visit, and she desperately needed to find a way to keep herself occupied, and more importantly, out of Leah's way. She refused to be more of a burden than she already was to her vice captain. Her mind kept going a hundred miles an hour for the rest of the walk, but she couldn't find a solution, yet.

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'There you are, how was the walk then?' Leah was sitting at the table as Maxine closed the door behind her.

'Cold! I hope we get a white Christmas this year!' An immediate frown formed on Leah's face. Max instantly knew she made a mistake bringing up the holidays, and mentally scolded herself.

'Maxie can we talk about Christmas please? And your family?' Leah looked Maxine in the eyes, making the latter a bit uncomfortable.

'There isn't much to say Le, I'm fine and they're busy.' Maxine looked away.

'What you said about your sister, and your parents not caring about you, did you mean it?'

'Just let it go please. I'm fine.'

'Maxine please just say what's on your mind.'

Maxine took a deep breath, worried she might come across as ungrateful. She didn't like talking about hard topics, but it was as if the words just came out.

'Yes and no. I love my parents and I know they love me. But sometimes I do wonder if they love me like they love my sister. Fay is perfect in their eyes. She is incredible at basketball, is really faithful and likes everything my parents do. Meanwhile, I chose to play a different sport, moved away, I got ADHD, and I can't even bloody sleep! And I don't want to sound ungrateful! I love Fay, she is like my best friend and my other half, but I hate that I'm not more like her. We look like two sides of the same mirror, but we're not. My parents know this, and they chose Fay time and time again. I don't even blame them.'

She took a deep breath before continuing, finally letting some of her frustration out.

'And it's not fair that everyone looks at my parents like they're some sort of saints. For me, it was like flipping a coin. Will they be cold or loving today? They were tough on us, saying I had to work harder if I wanted to be better, and telling us we weren't good enough. Now every time I mess up I feel like I'm not just disappointing them, but proving them right. I hate that I don't even hate them. I really was looking forward to their visit, but I can't blame them for not coming.'

Maxine wasn't necessarily done talking, but when her eyes crossed Leah's her voice lost its way. Leah looked at her, with watered eyes. Only now Max noticed she was crying as well.

She quickly wiped her tears away. 'Sorry, I don't know what that was all about.'

Leah didn't reply. She got up, and engulfed the younger girl in a hug.

'You don't ever let anyone tell you you're not good enough. Even your parents. If they don't want to see what an amazing girl you are that is on them. And it's okay to blame them for blowing you off. I know I do. And Katie almost had a fit after you left for your walk.'

Maxine replied by softly pushing her head in the older girls shoulder. They stood like that for a while before Leah spoke up again.

'And no way you're alone for Christmas. You're coming to my house and will spend it with my family.'

This caused Max to look up. 'No please Leah, I'm fine and I don't want to intrude.'

'You're not intruding, I'm inviting you. And I want a pound every time you say I'm fine alright?'

This caused Max to laugh and break away from the hug. She wanted to say something else, but was interrupted by the doorbell.

She walked over, and opened the door.

'What are you doing here?'