Number on me

12. Alnilam

It was December 11th. Maxine had gotten back from an exciting national campaign. Winning four nil to Belgium, their place in the playoffs for the nations league were secured. In the new year, they would be playing for a ticket to the Olympics.

The day started like any other day the last months. Max woke up and lost her glasses, which made her stress a bit more than normal. She took two Adderall, feeling slightly guilty for taking too much again, but pushing that feeling down immediately.

She had training today, so she packed everything she needed into her bag and ran out of her apartment. She was late to being early. She would never be late, but, she was running late to be the first one in the dressing room, and it was stressing her out.

Maxine had always hated being late. So, she made sure to be the first one everywhere she went. It gave her control.

When she walked in the changing room, slightly stressed, and a breathing heavy from running part of the way there, Leah was already there.

'There you are, I was getting worried about you!'

Maxine knew Leah was joking, she said it with a big smile. Yet, Max didn't find it funny. She felt like she had failed, and she already disliked this day.

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Training was rough. Maxine wasn't as focussed as she had been the last couple of weeks. But, on the other hand, the extra work that she was continuing to put in every single day really paid off. She wasn't having fun like normally, but she did get some compliments from her teammates.

She was glad when training was finally over, meaning she could get over to Sadie's apartment. She was first out of the shower, and realised she didn't bring her normal clothes. She did however have a clean practise jersey, which would work as well. She put on her running shoes, as she didn't have others with her, and smiled her team goodbye.

She spent less time than usual getting to her house. She was exited to hang out with Sadie.

Three knocks. 'Get in here you!' She hugged Sadie before entering her apartment.

'How was training?'

'Not good, glad I'm here now, how was your day?'

Sadie shot her an apologetic look and put her hand on Max's arm before telling her about her day. Weirdly, it made Max's day better. Sadie was enthusiastically telling her about her job working in a book store, and how she helped a young girl pick out a book for her eight birthday.

After a while, Max stopped listening to what she was saying. Not because she wasn't interested, she just couldn't focus.

'What are you smiling at then?' Sadie's voice brought Maxine back to the room opposite her own apartment.

'Nothing just.. Nevermind.'

Sadie didn't answer. Instead, she looked Maxine in her eyes. She wanted to look away, but didn't.

Sadie brought her face closer to Max's, and Max felt her lips touch hers. She froze for a second, before leaning in a little bit, kissing the red haired girl back. Her mind went blank, for the first time in what felt like forever there wasn't one thing going on in her brain. Everything felt okay.

It felt okay, until it didn't. Max bolted backwards, looking at Sadie with big eyes. Her breathing became a bit more unsteady, and her heart was beating so loudly she knew the other girl could hear it to.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.' She couldn't reply.

'Maxine, are you alright?'

Max got up and ran past a worried looking Sadie. In the hallway, she didn't want to enter her own apartment. It felt too close. Instead, she went outside. she started running. She didn't know where she was going, she just tried to get away from her head. She couldn't believe a girl kissed her. She kissed a girl back. She wasn't meant to kiss her back.

When she was growing up, Maxine's parents would talk to her about boyfriends that she would get. They were catholic, but they had always told her it was okay for her to have boyfriends. Girlfriends were out of the question. Her parents believed it was wrong. Max was sure they only thought so because of church, but it didn't matter. Maxine didn't want to fight with her parents, so she never went against it.

It first bothered her when a nice lesbian couple moved in across the street. Max went over to their house to play with their son, and her mother got mad at her. She got a talking to, and she didn't even understand what she did wrong. She was grounded for weeks, only being allowed to go to her basketball practice and church. Of course she had to go to church.

Running along the streets, Maxine felt a tear dripping down her cheek. She didn't know what to do. She felt like the walls were closing in on her, even though there weren't even walls around her. She ran faster, trying to outrun her mind.

In high school, she got in trouble again. She was at a party, and her dad was picking her up. Her sister wasn't there, as they were new friends from football. When she got picked up, there were two girls from her team kissing outside. Max didn't mind, the girls were in a relationship, but she didn't tell her parents because she knew there would be trouble. And there was. Max was older now, so she got punished more. Her mom yelled at her for being friends with those girls, trying to explain to her that it was wrong. Max was older now, so she felt comfortable telling her mom It was not.

Her dad hit her for the first, and only time in her life. She wasn't allowed to go to parties for months, and her parents made her go to special classes from church. She hated it.

Running further and further away from her apartment, Maxine couldn't help wondering what her parents would say to her, if they found out that she wasn't just kissed by a girl, but that she kissed her back.

Maxine didn't stop running that night. She wasn't totally aware of how long she had been running. She was aware that it had started raining. It being mid December, she had to keep running to feel any kind of warmth.

She kept on running until she found a nice field. Even though it was pouring down rain, she could see the stars in the sky. Right above her there were clouds. But to the left, she could trace the constitutions.

She spent the night in that field. In her training kit, soaked and in the rain. Tracing constitutions, trying to focus on the stars instead of the storm in her head.

The following morning she woke up with pain in her whole body. Her neck hurt from the fact that she slept in a field, but more so, her lungs hurt. She had spent the day before running around recklessly for hours, and was now paying the consequences. She felt weird, both cold and extremely hot at the same time. She knew she had to go home. She looked on her phone, trying to see where the hell she even was. Lucky for her, she had apparently been running in circles yesterday, because it was just a 15 minute walk back home.

When she finally entered her house, she felt more exhausted than she had the previous night, when she had been running for what must have been over 7 hours. She didn't look at her phone, managed to take four Adderall pills and fell down on her bed.