Number on me

16. Betelgeuse

"What are you doing here?" Maxine said with a voice sounding so hollow, she barely recognised it herself. She allowed herself to look the person in front of her up and down. The truth being the person in front of her had a talent of catching her eye.

Where not too long ago Maxine would have been thrilled to be able to look into the girls eyes, Sadie's face brought nothing but a panicked feeling in Maxine's chest. "Why are you here?" She rephrases her question slightly following the silence of the red head. Her voice sounded just as hostile as the first time she asked.

"It's just, you didn't come home and then your club posted about you being in the icu? I still had your location from snap. Just coming to check on you Maxie." The sweet tone of her voice, the way she almost sang her sentences caused a stab of familiarity. The elephant on Max's chest grew heavier by the second, but she wouldn't break down in front of her neighbour. Not again.

"I'm good, thanks though. I don't know when I'll be home. I'm staying here for a while. With my teammate. I think it's best you go." Maxine didn't try to be short with her, her sentences just came out staccato. She did mean what she said. It pained her to say it, but she couldn't talk to Sadie. She knew she was in the wrong for blaming the girl for what happened, but it seemed so much more easy than the alternative, that she liked it.

Maxine tried to shut the door, but Sadie pushed it open. Realising she came across a bit hostile, she spoke again; "Max can we please talk about what happened between us?" The elephant became too heavy. Maxine's eyes filled themselves with water like a flash flood, and her sight became weary. Her voice came out wobbly this time; "nothing happened, go please!" The last part was loud. Too loud, she realised as Leah came barging through the hallway door.

Sadie stepped back from her position in the doorframe, making Maxine now able to close the door in her face. Which she did, with conviction.

She looked past Leah, not knowing if she could fight her tears if she looked into the eyes of her newfound protector. Sadie coming to her door made ignoring the storm in her head near impossible, but facing her thoughts seemed even more of a challenge. She wanted to take some medication, to calm herself, but even that wasn't an option anymore.

Her nails were digging into the palms of her hand so roughly, her skin broke open without putting up much of a fight. If it weren't for Leah being there, Maxine would've stood there for way longer than she did now. She rushed passed Leah, onto the stairs. She locked her bedroom door, thankful for Leah's understanding of the importance of privacy, and sank to the floor.

The sound of the door slamming shut echoed in her ears, louder now in the silence of her room. She had shut the girl out, but couldn't shut out the flood of thoughts that followed. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to push them away, but they broke through- pulling her back to the day on Sadie's couch, where everything she was taught had unraveled. "I can't feel this way," she whispered, her voice trembling as if speaking the words would make them true. But no matter how hard she tried to bury it, the truth clawed it's way back up, refusing to let her go. She wanted to pray, to cling to the words that once brought her comfort, but even her prayers felt like lies now, tangled in a truth she wasn't ready to accept.

Leah stood outside Maxine's room, her knuckles hovering just above the door. She'd seen enough from the hallway to know something wasn't right. The slam of the door, Maxine's voice breaking as she yelled for the girl to go away- it wasn't like her. Leah knocked lightly at first, hesitant.

"Max, it's me", she called through the door, her voice calm, but firm. Silence. Leah sighed, leaning her forehead against the wood, "Look, I saw what happened. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but... I'm not going anywhere."