She wakes up with his name on her lips yet again, yet another nightmare of losing him brutally permeating her soul. He isn't hers to lose yet it feels like it today, the day of his marriage she shall be witnessing and silently giving away her husband to the woman she has come to love so much. It isn't either of their faults and it is not within her right to give him away yet on this day, where her pain is slowly reaching the zenith and she is still raw and achingly human in all her vulnerabilities, she lets herself believe this. She lets herself believe she is losing him, truly losing him forever because she needs that acceptance to survive this, to survive what is yet another rejection in her life. She does not blame him for anything but she cannot invalidate her pain, cannot brush it away and live with it like she knows she has to for the rest of her life. So she lets that thought echo in her mind, lets herself caress her mangalsutra, remember the moment he made her wear it, remember the moment she became his wife and she lets herself feel the sharp stab in her heart. She will stitch herself back tomorrow, after she gives him away. Yes she will because that is who she is.
_
She drapes the blood red and green saree and wears the ruby colored set that goes with it. It is the most grandest thing she has ever worn and had even refused it when Choti Kaki had first given her. But Kaki had convinced her, citing the marriage was the grandest ritual of all and she has to be dressed just the same as others. She had hugged her then, overwhelmed by the acceptance Choti Kaki and this family had given her despite being introduced to them as their maid.
Her thick mane cascades down her back, only a little of it gathered for the half pony that she plaits. The earrings of the set given are elegant jhumkis and they tingle subtle sounds as much as her red bangles do. She puts the bindi then, finishing her look with it. The girl staring at her in the mirror is beautiful but there's nothing to be done about the melancholy that clouds her gaze.
So she looks away and walks away, taking a deep breath to go downstairs and depart with the Tripathis to the venue of the marriage.
_
From the moment he spots her, he finds himself unable to tear his gaze away from her, especially as the shade of her saree brings in the flashes of her bridal saree, considering it is the same combination of colors. For a moment he wonders if it is the same but then decides even she wouldn't be that petty or cruel. When she finally reaches the bottom of the stairs and is surrounded by everybody appreciating how she looks, is when he decides to curb his line of thoughts. What does it matter when he has nullified the marriage. He walks away to the car, pushing aside the flashes and trying to focus on his anticipation to see his real bride!
_
The venue is beautiful, the mandap adorned in radiant and fragrant flowers. The chatr is pale red and is put up all around. The chairs have been arranged on the carpeted floors. The caterers have arrived and have been put up in the kitchen of the venue. Aditya is sent to the room in the building to the right of the arrangement even as the family divides itself to the assigned responsibilities. Malini and her family would be here soon and they shall begin the ceremony with an aarti of the groom followed by the barati dance right outside the gate considering their serious son did not seem any bit fascinated with the idea of riding a horse and protested vehemently against any such entry of his!
_
The casket of sindoor firm in her hand, the same one her Amma had brought for her when she had rudely pushed them away, she hesitantly approaches Aparna who is busy instructing Adi. The family has occupied various rooms in the same building and for a moment Imlie considers going back to the room assigned to her and embarking on this endeavour again when Choti Kaki was not talking with Babasaheb preferably but before she can act on it, Aparna spots her and calls her name, a warm smile on her face. It makes her gulp and take hesitant steps in their direction, her gaze fixed solely on Kaki, refusing to meet his gaze fixed on her and refusing to see the hatred she knows she shall see there.
"Choti Kaki, I have come to give this casket of sindoor..." she says and continues explaining the significance of this sindoor in her village and the need of it to be used in the ceremony today considering it is Babusaheb's gift for Malini Didi.
All the while he stares at her, not understanding why this action of her feels so monumental and guilt inducing at the same time. When his eyes had first fallen on the casket clutched in her hand as she made her way towards them, it had taken him to that moment in the temple at Pagdandiya and his heart had stuttered in his chest, fright gripping him. Her hesitant steps towards them and the sight of the sindoor along with the priest's words said to them then repeating in his mind, for a moment he feels terrified that she shall divulge the truth of something he believes he has truly nullified. But her words as she speaks them, not looking at him even once, are opposite to it and despite them calming him down, they bring about a heaviness in his chest. His eyes fill up even as a thought comes to him, the first positive one in days with regards to her -
She has gifted him with the gift he had intended to bring for Malini, the very same that fate had forcibly given her! It feels like she has returned something to him, like she silently has conveyed to him that she understands and it is okay.
Note:
The last part might seem a little absurd but bear with my thought process. At this point, Aditya has not accepted whatever happened and all his efforts have been to nullify it even in his conscience. Imlie's action of giving the sindoor is exactly what he interprets, the only part of it he is not able to recognise being the sacrifice behind it!
She is truly letting him go, telling him it is okay while not dumping her hurt on him.
I hope that was clear like I'm not sure I clarified or confused more to be honest.
Love,
Pratyusha
YOU ARE READING
Lakeerein - Ties That Bind Us
Fanfic------ Can Be Read As General Fiction ------ One night. One event. Lives of two people altered completely. When Aditya Kumar Tripathi, Chief Executive Reporter at Bhaskar times stepped into Pagdandiya and met Imlie, he did not know how his life woul...
