𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝙗𝙤𝙮

the (after) party

the first thing i remember is waking up laying down in the back seat of boris's car. my head is turned to the side and all i can see is a blurry figure driving the car. "we have to the hospital!", i hear a voice say, but i can't make out if it's theo or boris's. "no hospital.", i say groggily. i try to sit up but an arm wrapped around my chest limits my movements. i turn my head and look up to see boris's head floating above me. my head is on his lap and his arm is draped around my chest. "is she awake?! tell her we have to go to the hospital!", theo, who i now have decided was the voice i heard when i woke up, say in a panic to boris. "please no hospital, im fine just drunk.", i say a little bit clearer now. there's a deafening silence for a moment. "you get drugged lucy. is okay is okay, you're okay.", boris tells me swiping the car out of my face. "what?", i say utterly confused. i watched my drinks the whole night, i never took a drink from anyone, hell i literally poured both of them myself. wait. both of them. i only had two drinks. why do i feel so drunk if i only had two drinks. "the boy put something in the vodka bottle kochanie. it fall out of his pocket when im hitting hit.", boris tells me, his eyes having a mixed expression of anger and sadness. it suddenly all comes back and hits me like a semi truck. the boy, the grabbing, his hands on me, him on the ground, bloody as boris lands blows on his swollen face. i start to lose my breath. i try to inhale air but i feel as if the wind has gotten knocked out of me. "calm down calm down, you're okay.", boris says tightening his grip on me. "take me home.", i manage to choke out, "take me home now.". "lucy we have to go to the hospital, we don't know how much that guy put in your-", theo tries to speak but i cut him off. "TAKE ME HOME NOW.", i scream so loud that any other car near us might honestly think im being kidnapped. "take her home.", i hear boris say in a whisper. we make a sharp turn and i feel instantly sick to my stomach. "almost home, five more minutes, just five minutes.", boris tells me rubbing my cheek gently with his thumb. i close my eyes and feel the hot tears roll down my cheeks as i try my best to escape to anywhere else but here. i imagine im on the couch, with my mom, watching a shitty lifetime movie. i imagine im five years old still in new Orleans, sitting on my dad's shoulder while he runs around through the sprinklers in our yard. the sick feeling in my stomach dies down a little, but comes right back when the car comes to a sudden stop. i open my eyes again and im back in the nightmare. boris looks at me, "lucy, your mom is home, the truck is there. do you want to go there, or do you want to go with me into my house?", he asks me in a soft tone. more than anything i want my mom right now. i want to fling myself into her arms and smell her apple scented hair while i cry into her shoulder. this isn't an option though. i have to clear my brain no matter how hard it is, and think. my mothers probably inside asleep. she's probably going to blame herself for not being home more, she'll quit her job, and she'll stay glued to my side feeling guilty. i look up at boris, "i wanna go with you.", i say to him. he nods his head and picks me up off the seat carrying my inside as theo trails behind nervously. i can hear theo talking to himself as we get inside boris's living room, "we should've taken her to a fucking hospital, this is not good-", boris cuts him off. "potter stop, are scaring her!", he says sharply. theo quiets himself quickly. the room is spinning and i feel my mouth filling with saliva. fuck i'm gonna be sick. i look at boris, still in his arms, as i try to point to the bathroom. i have one hand covering my mouth and one pointing frantically at the bathroom. boris understands and rushes my into the bathroom, gently placing me on my knees against the cold tile floor in front of the toilet. he holds my hair back as i immediately puke into the toilet bowl. i look up at him after i'm done, absolutely horrified that he has to see that. the one thing good that came out of this is that the room isn't spinning anymore. i feel tired and weak, but not exactly fucked up anymore. i try to stand up but my legs give out before i can make it all the way up. boris catches me, "don't walk, will take you wherever you want to go, yes? just don't walk.", he says picking me back up. i nod embarrassed. now that i feel more sober i realize that he's a lot stronger than he looks, i mean he beat that guys face in tonight, and he's now carrying me through the house. although i can see it's a little bit of a struggle for him, i would have never imagined he would be able to do this at all. i point to the kitchen, not wanting to put my vomit breath right in his face. he takes me there, "do you want water?", he asks looking down at me. i nod yes. "okay, i lay you down on the couch and bring you water", he says as he walks into the living room laying me on the couch. as he walks into the kitchen i see theo walking towards me. he still looks horrified, but he sits on the floor next to the couch and grabs my hand, "i'm so sorry.", he looks straight ahead not even turning to me to say it. i rub my thumb on his hand as a way to say, "it's okay, i'm okay.", but truthfully it's not okay. i was drugged tonight. i probably almost raped. i feel angry, not sad. i'm angry at the fucking man who drugged the booze, i'm angry at the fact he just waited for someone to come along and drink it. i'm angry that out of all the people who watched him forcefully grab me, not one of them stepped in even when i screamed for help. but i'm also greatful. i'm grateful that boris was there and stopped him as soon as he saw what was going on. my thoughts are interrupted as boris comes in front of me and hands me a glass of water, which i chug in lightning speed. he brushes my hair out of my face and leans down to me, "i take care of him, yes? i'm not done with him.", he says his eyes fixed on mine. theo chimes in, still sitting beside the couch holding my free hand, "we'll fucking kill him.", he says giving my hand a quick squeeze. i nod, too exhausted to tell them to leave it alone. i'm sure the guy got the message, from what i remember seeing, his face was a bloody mess when i went outside. "can take you to bed?", asks boris as he continues looking down at me. i let out a small, "okay.". he scoops me off the couch and tells theo something along the lines of, "you can sleep down here, im going to bed". theo releases my hand as boris begins to walk, and plops himself onto the couch, staring up at the ceiling. boris carries me all the way up stairs and into his bedroom, before gently laying my on the bed. he lays beside me, "i shouldn't have left you alone, am sorry, so sorry.", he says taking my hand as he lay flat on his back. "it's not you're fault boris. it's no one's fault but the assholes.", i say to him. my voice cracks on the last word and i realize im crying. he looks over to me and sits up, propping himself against a few pillows. "come here.", he says holding his arms out to me. i sit up and just as quickly lay back down, flinging myself into his arms. my crying becoming louder as i sob into his shirt. "i was so scared.", i mange to get out in between sobs. admitting this to myself and saying it out loud only makes me cry harder. i feel weak. i know i shouldn't, but i do. boris holds me gently and stays quiet for a moment. "shh i know lucy.", he says. lucy? when has he ever called me my real name? it's always been new girl or some weird polish/Russian word. i look up at him with swollen, confused eyes, and i do something that shocks me. i laugh. he looks at me confused, "what is it?", he asks my like he's worried im having a psychotic break (honestly i might be). "i've never heard you say my name.", i tell him in between laughs. he thinks for a moment and cracks a smile before chuckling, "i say it all night to you, when i beating up douchebag, when i waiting for you to wake up in car, i say all night, "lucy, lucy, lucy". is beautiful name. i want to say forever.", he tells me while we both slightly giggle. i laugh, "ohhh fuck i love you.", i say whipping a tear away from my cheek. my face turns bright red. i didn't mean to say that. it just sort of...came out. he looks as shocked as i do when his face contorts into a half smile, "i love you lucy. hey! is kinda like the show no? the i love lucy?", he say's tucking a peice of my hair behind my ear. my embarrassment washes away and i laugh again, "how do YOU know that show?", i say in between laughs. "it help me learn English, was always playing at restaurant i go to all the time when i first move to US. is true though, no? i love lucy!", he say the last part in a forced american accent that makes me laugh even harder. when my laughter dies down i look up at him as serious as i can, "boris, thank you. thank you for tonight, thank you for every night i've been here. thank you for always being here with me.", he smiles back at me. "no no, thank you. you make my life happier, yes? i think of you ever since first day when i see you. you are a special girl.", he says back to me. i blush lightly, at least i hope it's lightly, and lay back down in his chest. "is okay, go to sleep. i stay right here.", he says as i close my eyes. the last thought on my mind before i drift of is, maybe it's true, maybe i do love boris.