𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝙗𝙤𝙮

the shared secret

disclaimer: don't do drugs, drugs are bad, rehab isn't fun, blah blah blah
-the author (a former addict)

i wake up to darkness outside. i turn a little to look at the alarm clock, then realize im in boris's room. i look up and boris is still awake, smoking a cigarette as i lay on his chest. i lazily put my fingers up and he gives it to me. "did i wake you?", he asks blowing smoke from his nostrils. i shake my head no as i take a drag from the cigarette. i hand it back to him, "what time is it?", i ask;still looking up at him. he puts the cigarette out on the ashtray beside him bed, "2:37 am", he tells me after grabbing his phone and checking. "ugh", i groan back in reply. whenever i wake up that's it for me, i have no hope in going back to sleep. "is late, sleep.", he whispers to me while stroking my hair. "i can't, im already up.", i say with a slight sigh. i start to wonder when he sleeps. i see him sleeping when i wake up in the morning, but he's obviously not planning on sleeping tonight, and im always the first to fall asleep. "do you want something to help you fall asleep?", he interrupts my thoughts. i think about this for a second. i know i know, "lUcY YoU jUsT gOt DrUgGeD", don't y'all think i know that. but i trust boris, and i want to sleep. i'm not gonna let what happened to me change everything about me. any other night i would say fuck yes, so tonight i'm saying fuck yes. i don't care if yall don't think it's safe, it's my life. "yes please" , i say smiling at him. he gets up and walks over to his closet, opening it up and pulling a bottle out of a shoe on the floor. he uncaps the bottle and takes out one long white pill. he holds it up to me across the room, "you like xanax?", he asks in the most nonchalant tone. my eyes widen. fun fact about lucy: almost my whole sophomore year i was drowning in xans. They are utterly amazing. usually im the type to want an upper, but xanax is my ultimate weakness. and by the way how dare he only tell me NOW that he has it. i shake my head yes excitedly as he walks towards me chuckling. "this is just to help sleep, yes? not getting high off these tonight, probably shouldn't even be giving you one since we don't know if other stuff is still in your system...", he trails off overthinking it. "boris. i puked it all up, i feel fine. i promise i've mixed worse than xans and some unknown date rape drug.", i say trying to convince him. this is true by the way, i in fact have definitely mixed worse. he looks at me suspiciously before breaking the pill in half, popping half in his mouth, and handing one to me. "fair.", i say sticking my half in my mouth and swallowing it. he lays back on the bed and pulls me back onto his chest. i feel safer with this man than i've ever felt with anyone before. i lean up and give him a short, yet passionate kiss, he smiles. "what was that for?", he asks chuckling as i lay back down. "i dunno, just felt like it.", i say shrugging and closing my eyes. i hear his heart beating under my head. it's almost too hard to believe he's real.

i don't know if it's the placebo effect, or the fact that i have nothing in my stomach except the pill, but i feel its effects almost instantly. i become almost zombie like, nodding in and out of consciousness, my mind relaxed and my nostrils filled with boris's aroma of cigarettes and spearmint gum. it's as if nothing has existed in my life and nothing will happen in my life, i've only been , and will forever only live in this moment. the best part of this wasn't the drugs though it was boris, who i assume believes im asleep, humming some kind of song i didn't recognize as he played with my hair. i nod out for good, shortly after the song ended and i hear his breathing change.

i wake up with the sun is in my eyes, feeling like someone ran me over last night. i'm tired and i don't feel boris beneath my head. i sit up sleepily and hear the shower running. hey at least he's taking a shower. i wasn't gonna say anything but he certainly has the look he doesn't believe in personal hygiene. the shower stops and i decide to just look at my phone while he drys off and comes back into the room. as i glance down at my phone i see that it's almost 3pm. fuck, i guess taking a xan last night knocked me out for longer than expected. i try to kick the scrunched up sheets at the end of the bed off my feet but i hit something hard. "OW!". WHO THE HELL?? i pull the blanket up over my head and see a half asleep theo at the foot of boris's bed stretched out sideways. "YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME.", i tell him catching my breath. "mmmm", he groans as he opens his eyes and clutches his ribs, "you kicked meee". is this man serious. "how long have you been there???", i ask still holding the blanket up to look at him. "i don't know maybe a few hours, i came in at like 11am to see if you guys were awake but you were still sleeping and you both looked so comfortable.", he says rubbing his eyes. he crawls up from the foot of the bed and out of the blanket, ending up right next to me. "how ya feelin this mornin lucy lu?", he asks putting his head on my shoulder; something that i've recently learned he does to both boris and me whenever he's hungover or drunk. i rub my left eye with the back of my hand and lay my head on his, "better.", i reply. i feel his head twist until him only his chin is resting on my shoulder. i take my head off of his and look at him. he's examining my neck? "whatcha doing?", i ask slightly concerned as he takes his chin off my shoulder and holds up my chin to examine my neck closer. "shit did that guy do this to you last night?", he asks reaching for his glasses, which are lying on boris's bedside table. "do what?", i ask confused as he continues to examines my neck. "dude look", he pulls on his phone from his pants (which he never changed out of last night), and hands it to me. i look at myself in the selfie camera he has pulled up and i visibly see my checks burning red. the fucking hickey. the concealer must have rubbed off last night while i was sleeping or something. "oh i uh-", i stutter as he looks at me waiting for an answer. just then, like a gift from the heavens, boris comes out of the bathroom. his hair wet, only in boxers, and his smell of drugstore shampoo hits my nose like im smelling roses on a spring day. i'm about to say something but theo cuts me off before i can get anything out when he sees boris walking up to us. "dude, come here", he pats the part of the bed beside me that's open, "look at what that fucking dickhead did to her neck last night. boris looks confused at first, sitting down and leaning across me to look at the mark theo's pointing at. i'm sure he notices what he's talking about, because after about two seconds of looking at it, he snaps right back up to a forward position and darts his eyes to me knowingly. ladies and gentlemen i have never seen a boy so scared as boris is right now. his posture is amazingly straight, his eyes are widely open, and he's starting at me in a way that says, "oh shit.". theo looks over at him confused, "why do you look like you just shut yourself bor? we gotta fucking kill this dude, i mean who the fuck does he think he is?", theo says to him, but boris doesn't take his scared eyes off me. listen now, theo isn't stupid, but he's exactly not the brightest. "bor? hello can you hear me?", he says still not understanding what's going on. boris finally speaks, "drop it potter.", he says almost in a tone a child uses when they're in trouble. theo shifts his eyes between the two of us, "what's wrong with you two, why don't you care about-", he starts, but halfway through his sentence i see a look of realization on his face as his jaw drops. "no.", he says like someone just told him something crazy. i see his eyebrows raise and a small smile graze his lips. "say sike right now.", he says excitedly looking between the two of us. i put my head in my heads and sigh loudly. how fucking embarrassing is this. "theo , look-", i try to explain as i'm buried behind my hands but im cut off my child like giggling. i look up and theo's eyes are still shifting between the two of up on a loop as he giggles. i look over at boris who's letting a microscopic smirk show on his lips. i immediately burst out into laughter. "I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING ON I FUCKING KNEW IT, WHEN I SAW YOU TWO TOGETHER THIS MORNING YOU WERE PRACTICALLY SLEEPING ONTOP OF HIM LUCY.", theo says like he's the smartest man in the world for having these suspicions. "calm down.", boris tells theo, wiping away a peice of wet curly hair from his face and smirking. "HOW LONG???!", theo asks turning to boris and crossing his legs like its story time. boris glances over at me from approval and i give him a slight smile and nod. "pretty much since first day.", explains boris. theo's mouth drops open again and he looks over at me, "i knew i felt tension between you two, i fucking knew it!", he says holding his index finger in the air. i pull his hand down and look at him, "tho you gotta promise us you won't tell anyone, okay?", i say as serious as i can. theo looks around the room, "who the fuck am i gonna tell? popchyk? you two are my only friends.", he tells me. "potter, she doesn't want anyone to know.", boris explains to him before glancing over at me. theo rolls his eyes annoyed and puts a hand over his heart, "i won't say a word, i swear i wont share your little secret with anyone", he says like this is the most obvious statement ever. "can we talk about something else now..please.", i say slightly not liking all the attention on boris and my "relationship". "oh booooo", theo says back to me. "ughhh seriously new topic.", i say throwing a pillow at him and laughing. "fine new topic. im hungry, i say we go get food", theo says rolling his eyes playfully. "me too, food sounds good.", boris says back smiling and flinging his arm around my shoulder. "oh yea, with what money? boris already put all of his coke money towards gas and weed yesterday.", i say giggle. the boys look at each other and and burst out laughing. "cmon księżniczka. we show you how we get food with no money.", boris says still giggling and pulling me out of bed with him. i have a very strong feeling im not gonna like how they, "get food with no money".