Perfect Suicide

Ch. 5 - A seedling

Thank God, we didn't have school today. I don't think I could handle even seeing Myla.

I was so conflicted, so hurt.

The cruelty in her eyes when I ran back inside last night haunted every waking thought I had. All I wanted to do was sleep, but how could I?

I got back in last night before 10 p.m., which meant I was here when my father returned.

Between what happened last night at Myla's, his anger, the rice, and the coffee this morning? My mind just wouldn't turn off, and my feelings were all over the place.

I was sad, mostly.

Everyone, including me, knew how Myla felt about Zhollo. I couldn't even count the number of times we had stayed up all night discussing Myla's future marriage to him and what she'd name their kids. I knew better than anyone how she felt, and even though she always used feelings as a way to manipulate people, she seemed to genuinely like Zhollo.

The problem was... she tended to get a little possessive and crazy when she started to like someone.

I just thought that she knew me better.

Yeah, I mean, I thought Zhollo was super attractive. Who didn't? But I never intended to do anything. I didn't even mean to run into him.

Ugh...

If all I had to deal with was Myla being delusional, I'd be able to do that. What bothered me was that not only did she embarrass me in front of her dance besties, but they had taken pictures.

Videos.

I just knew they did.

I wish I could tell what they were planning on doing with it. Hold it over my head? Make me suffer with the thought of them showing people? Myla might've been mad, but at the end of the day we were best friends, and best friends disagreed. Sometimes they even fought.

But they never betrayed each other.

Tomorrow things would be better, things would be back to normal, and Myla wouldn't be mad anymore. We'd look at each other and lose ourselves in our laughter.

Turning on my side, I pulled my legs in towards my chest and curled into a tight ball. I was trying to stay positive, but regardless of what I thought, my feelings kept pushing their way to the front. Making it almost impossible to ignore.

Making me just want to disappear.

As I closed my eyes, I wished yesterday never happened. I wished I never went to that sleepover, and I wished I never knew who 'Zhollo' even was.

- - - - - - - - -

Walking up to the front doors of the school, my heart was beating so hard it felt like it was about to burst out of my chest.

Breathe. Just breathe. It'll all be okay.

I pulled open the front door and was bombarded with a thunder of voices.

It took every ounce of courage I had to put one foot in front of the other and walk towards my locker. All I really wanted to do was turn away and run.

What were once hallways filled to the brim with overly animated voices and laughter turned into nothing but hushed whispers and stares as I passed by.

What the hell?

There was no way Myla had told the whole school about me and Zhollo, even though there was no 'me and Zhollo'. But she had to have said something because of the way everyone was acting.