The Everlasting Effect 💖

Chapter Twenty: Arawn

"So Rhys, how old are you?" I ask tentatively, capturing her attention. She's mid bite into her pizza, munching away happily.

"Eight"

"And when's your birthday?" I ask carefully.

"March second!" She smiles in glee at the thought of her birthday, and the feeling has me grinning with her, although I'm still heartsore to have missed all of it. Rhys is a confident child and always challenges others around her. Her birthday passed before I could even come to town and before my dad passed away. 

Next here, I'm going to make the happiest person on her birthday and every birthday that follows after. She smiles at me curiously, her smile easing any unease and tension in the air.I dropped two pieces of straws on the table, put them in my mouth, made seal sounds, and clapped. I know I must be getting a few frowns from parents around. It doesn't matter about any judgemental looks I receive once I see the smile on my daughter's face. The word is still foreign on my tongue.

 Everything happening feels overwhelming but I know it's something I need to do. Pushing away any unwanted feelings, I see Rhys and Denara laugh at my antics. Denara's eyes soften as she watches Rhys laugh. Stealing a few Rhys chocolate brownies I quickly learn that she does not enjoy sharing. She pouts and yells a dramatic "No" but giggles soon after.

There's an announcement that rings throughout the restaurant about the musical taking place for the kids. I have no idea how anyone can stand this much noise and uncoordinated 'animals ' singing. A few weeks ago I never would have considered even coming to this place. We see kids beg their parents and some run past our table to go watch and Rhys is no different. She puts on puppy dog eyes and bats her eyelashes a few times.

"Mommy, Can I go watch?."

"Sure, baby but make sure you stay where I can see you." Denara has stern tone but scoots out nonetheless and always Rhys to leave. 

Then there was two. We have some things to discuss and clear the air. It helps that this is a kids' restaurant because it means we will both be on our best behavior and whatever animosity this conversation will bring will be handled with ease.

We enjoyed our time together and I won't let that ruin our day. Mason said that Denara is willing to try to. I'm sure that I can meet her halfway. She takes a sip of cola and fidgets with something around her neck. A piece of jewelry that has delicate, dainty features. I don't even think she realizes she was moving it between her index finger and thumb.

she still has it?

The necklace she's wearing is one that I'm familiar with and can never forget. I would have thought that she would have lost it or thrown it away. The sunshine necklace that I gave her spewed some nonsense about her being my whole life and light in the chaos. I would have given her my life back then. She was my entire world until she crashed it.

I will never forget the awe in her face and how her love adorned her eyes for me. Smacking my chest and cringing at the cheesiness of it all. Her smile reached cheek for cheek. I clear my throat before I get caught up in the moment and get her tension. I make a gesture between to signal that we need to talk, my lips purse and I need to figure out a way without getting ahead of myself.

"Right, we should talk," I say finally.  My eyes catch the anxious look on her face and I can't find it in me to ease her mind. I  can tell she's a bit hurt by my nonchalance. She nibbles on her bottom lip and twiddles her thumbs. It takes everything in me not to grab her lip.

"You're right. Arawn, I thought what I was doing for you was the right thing and that as long as you were happy, I would be too. You do not know how many times I considered telling you, but sometimes stories would make their way around time about how you would enjoy yourself. Playing at concerts and scoring woman left and right."

I can see trying to compose herself when she says the last part. She takes a breath and lets out a shaky laugh that holds no humor in it. Her words leave me confused, but I don't even know what to say, but she's right about that. It was like it was the beginning, but it wasn't her just regretful decisions to fill the anguish and hurt.

"I thought that you finally found happiness and I couldn't bear the thought of taking it away, especially when you started dating someone else. "

She closes her eyes and I can understand how hard it must have been for her. She's showing me her vulnerability and not hiding behind a mask and I can't help but feel grateful, knowing that this is real and not a facade. I want to go to the other side of the booth and comfort her, hold her in my arms, and whisper sweet nothings, but I restrain myself.

"I had to find another way without you, especially after I heard you got married."

"I know, and I don't fault you for it. After Danny and I got married, we struggled, and I turned into a zombie. I was triggered easily and fell into postnatal depression and everything took a toll on me. If it wasn't for Danny and Jamie, I don't know what would have happened to Rhys. Jamie took on my responsibilities as Rhys' mother while I was just a shell of a person" Her voice is shaky and losing all strength it once held. 

Her confession takes me by surprise, but I still tell that she's holding back details, but that was the main point. She reaches for her drink and gulps it, trying to ease her emotions.

"Nara, if this is a sore topic, then we can leave and focus on Rhys," I say tenderly reaching over the table to grab her unused hand, stroking the back of her palm gently. Using her old nickname. The aim catches both of us both off guard and by surprise. Her eyes widen. I guess part of me still has some feelings for her. I can never let myself go through that pain again and quickly release her hand. She doesn't look surprised but the hope she had held on her face dimishes.  She looks away and gazes and Rhys playing with other kids.

"I wanted you to know. Rhys is an amazing kid, and she deserves the world. She deserves to have a biological dad in her life and if you want, we can do that and let her gradually adjust" She glances at Rhys again' way before quickly wiping at the end of her eyes to remove the tears.

"I agree," I say softly following her gaze.

Soon enough, we leave the restaurant and I feel lighter knowing that things will be okay eventually but for now baby steps.