𝑳𝑰𝑴𝑬𝑹𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬

𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

I sat on the edge of the small clearing, my back pressed against a rough patch of bark. The sun was directly above us, its rays relentlessly, even in this narrow part of the Glade. I could see Zuri walking towards me, her long strides purposeful but light. She was always so sure of herself, so composed. Meanwhile, I could barely keep my hands from shaking.

She plopped down beside me without a word, close enough that our shoulders brushed. Normally, I’d make some stupid joke or nudge her playfully, but today, my heart just wasn’t in it. I could feel my chest tightening, that heaviness growing, but I swallowed it down, forcing a tight smile.

“You’ve been quiet,” she said after a moment, her voice gentle.

I shrugged, trying to play it off. “Just thinking, I guess.”

Zuri tilted her head, studying me with those sharp eyes of hers. She didn’t say anything, but I knew she could see right through me. She always could.

“Jeff,” she started, her voice softer, “what’s really going on?”

I took a deep breath, my mind racing. Part of me wanted to tell her everything. The words were right there, clawing at my throat. But I couldn’t. Not after what Newt had asked of me. He was my friend, and he trusted me. I wouldn’t betray that, even if it felt like I was suffocating under the weight of it.

“Nothing,” I said finally, but my voice cracked, betraying me.

Zuri didn’t let it go. “Jeff, it’s me. You don’t have to pretend. Not with me.”

Her words broke something inside of me, and before I could stop myself, it all started spilling out. “I’m just so tired, Zuri,” I confessed, my voice barely above a whisper. “Tired of pretending that everything’s okay. That I’m okay. Because I’m not. Not even close.”

I could feel my hands shaking now, so I clenched them into fists, digging my nails into my palms. “I try to stay positive, you know? Try to keep everyone’s spirits up. But inside… it’s like I’m drowning. Every day, it gets harder and harder to keep going.”

Zuri shifted closer, her arm wrapping around my shoulders. I leaned into her, letting her warmth seep into me, grounding me.

“I’m scared,” I admitted, my voice trembling. “Scared that one day, I won’t be able to keep it together anymore. That I’ll just… break.”

She didn’t say anything, just held me tighter, and I felt a tear slip down my cheek. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried. Maybe it was before I got here, before everything turned into this endless nightmare.

But now, the tears won’t stop. They came in a torrent, all the fear, the frustration, the hopelessness I’d been holding back for so long crashing over me like a wave. I buried my face in Zuri’s shoulder, and she held me through it, her hand running soothingly through my hair.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, her voice steady. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, Jeff. It’s okay to let it out.”

I wanted to tell her everything. How I’d almost lost Newt today. How he’d been so close to… I couldn’t even think about it without feeling like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. But I couldn’t tell her. I had to respect Newt’s wishes. So I let the words die in my throat, just crying until I had nothing left.

When I finally pulled back, I felt drained, like all the energy had been sucked out of me. Zuri looked at me with a soft smile, her eyes full of understanding. She didn’t push me for more, didn’t ask the questions I knew were on the tip of her tongue. She just sat with me, letting the silence between us say everything that words couldn’t.

“We should get back,” I said eventually, my voice hoarse from crying. “Winston probably needs help in the Blood House.”

Zuri nodded, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze before standing up. She offered me her hand, and I took it, letting her pull me to my feet. My legs felt shaky, like I wasn’t quite sure how to stand on my own, but Zuri stayed close, her presence a steadying force.

As we made our way back to the Blood House, I tried to shake off the lingering heaviness. I knew I had to pull myself together. There was work to be done, and the others needed me. But as we stepped inside, the sight of Winston struggling with a deep cut on his hand snapped me back into focus.

“Winston, what the shuck happened?” I asked, moving to help him.

He grimaced, holding up his bleeding hand. “Stupid mistake. Wasn’t paying attention.”

Zuri was already grabbing bandages, her movements efficient. I took a deep breath, trying to push everything else out of my mind. I needed to be here, in the moment, not lost in my head.

“Let’s get you patched up,” I said, my voice steadier now. I focused on helping Winston, falling back into the familiar routine. The work was a distraction, something to keep my hands busy and my mind occupied.

As Zuri and I worked together, I could feel the tension in my chest easing, just a little. It wasn’t much, but it was something. And for now, that had to be enough.

Once Winston was taken care of, Zuri caught my eye, giving me a small nod. It was her way of saying she was there for me, that she had my back. And even though I still felt like I was barely holding it together, I managed to give her a weak smile in return.

We walked out of the Blood House together, the sun now lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the Glade. I knew things wouldn’t magically get better just because I’d finally let some of it out. But at least, for the first time in a long while, I didn’t feel completely alone.

And that, I realised, was a start.

I also realised I felt different, different about Zuri, different about Winston.

A/N woah it took me a while to get back into writing, I hope y'all get the hints !!

Anora x