Lovertation

I Can't Love Her

Lover:

I unlocked the door of my house and offered Rep to get in.
„But..I don't want to bother you or anything!
I can go home, Lover. You already did so much for me."
„You don't bother me and I'm always grateful for some company. Also, someone needs to take care of your arm."
I said, a little concerned.
„Ok, thank you."
Rep finally agreed and entered my house.
It wasn't huge, but Rep seemed to love it.
„Let's go upstairs."
I said and Rep followed me.

In my room, I told Rep to sit on my bed,
while I went in the bathroom to get some band aids.
I was seriously worried about the older girl.
What would've happened if I didn't stopped her?
„Can I pull your sleeve up?"
I asked Rep and she nodded.
Her entire arm was full of dried blood and her cuts were very visible.
„Let's clean it up first."
I said and we went in the bathroom.
„Do you wanna take a shower or something?"
I offered.
„Yeah, if that's ok for you."
„Of course. You can grab some fresh clothes from my closet, if you want.
I'll get you towels and stuff."
„Ok."

Reputation:

I entered Lover's room again and opened her closet.
Oh damn, why was this girl so obsessed with pastel colors?
Nothing in her closet was my style,
but I didn't want to be ungrateful,
so I grabbed a white skirt and a pastel blue top.

I felt so bad, because Lover was taking so much care of me.
I didn't deserve that.
Didn't deserve her.
She was so kind and generous,
while I already made her cry at school.
The truth was, I liked her.
I really did.
Probably more than she liked me.
And that was my problem.
I want more than a friendship.
That short sweet girl made me crazy,
but I'm sure she doesn't feel the same.
She is straight and she's just being kind to me,
because she's kind to everyone.
I can't be around her.
I wouldn't survive her breaking my heart.
I'll just take a shower and then leave.

„Rep, you're ready?"
I heard Lover from the bathroom.
„Yup."
„Here you go."
Lover said and gave me some towels,
just to leave me alone in her bathroom.
I undressed myself and got in Lover's shower.
The water was hot,
much hotter than the water I was used to.
My dad would never let me shower in hot water.
It felt good, but the hot water was terribly burning on my open wounds.
I hissed and tried not to let a scream out.

When I was done washing most of the blood off, I grabbed the towels Lover had given to me and wrapped one around my wet body.
I put on my own underwear,
because that wasn't soaked in blood and
then Lover's skirt and top.
A look in the mirror showed me,
that I looked like a completely different person.
Ugh.
I opened the door and Lover came in immediately.
She stopped for a second and scanned my body.
„What? Am I really that hot in your clothes?"
Lover blushed and looked down.
„Um..sorry."
That wasn't a no.
But she was straight.
I had to leave now.

„Hey, um, thank you for everything you did for me today, but I think I should leave now."
Lover looked up at me, almost sad.
„But..I still need to put a band aid on your
arm."
„I can do that by myself."
I said, maybe a little too harsh.
The short girl took a step back and
looked like she would cry any second.
„Well..ok. But please don't hurt yourself again, Rep. You don't deserve that."
She looked so sweet right now and if I could,
I would just kiss her immediately.
Stop, Rep.
You can't love a straight girl.
„Yeah sure. Bye Lover."
Lover opened her arms and offered me a hug,
but I ignored her.
I couldn't control myself,
if I touched her now.

Lover:

Did I do something wrong?
Why was Rep leaving already?
Why do I always mess it up?
I thought to myself, as I sat on my bed.
Tears were streaming down my face.
She opened up to me today and I truly felt so bad for what she went through and is still going through.
What if her dad beats her up tonight?

My silent tears turned into anxious sobbing
and I couldn't stop thinking about what Rep was doing right now.
How can I help her?
She first wanted my help and then rejected it.
Maybe I could talk to her tomorrow.
Tomorrow we'd have volleyball practice together.
Oh no, I totally forgot about that.
Rep and our teacher said I should work out before.
How late was it right now? 6pm.
Maybe I could still go to the gym.

I got up from my bed and wiped my tears away.
Maybe working out will distract me a bit.
I put on white shorts, a pink sports bra and a blue hoodie.
The gym was just 5 minutes away by feet.
Working out was something I never did,
but today I really felt the need to.
As I entered the gym,
I noticed that it was almost empty this time.
There was a boy from my school working out and two girls gossiping in a corner.

I took my hoodie off, so I wouldn't be sweating too much, as the two girls walked over to me.
„You're Rep's new toy, huh?"
the tall brunette asked.
„Rep's what?"
I asked, not believing that she just said that.
„You took her home yesterday.
I didn't know you were such a slut.
Just so you know, Rep isn't into fat girls like you, so don't even try to get in her pants."
The girl's words hurt me a lot and I tried to hide the tears, that were now forming in my eyes.
She was right.
That's why Rep left.
I'm fat and unattractive.

„Just one thing, blondie.
Stay away from Rep or we'll make your life a nightmare." the other girl added.
„Y..yes, I don't want anything from Rep though-" I started, but the tall girl interrupted me.
„Shut up! And fucking leave the gym.
I don't wanna see your ugly face anymore."
I quickly grabbed my hoodie and left the gym.
Putting it over my sports bra and finally covering my body again.
I couldn't hold my tears back anymore,
so I was crying on my way home.
Why was everyone so mean?

A/N: Ok so I wrote this at 4am😭
Let me know what you think...
~M <3