Lovertation

I Can Go Anywhere I Want, Just Not Home

TW: Abuse, mention of suicide

Reputation:

School was finally over and I tried to find 1989.
Maybe she was with Midnights?
1989 and I hung out after school most of the times, so I wouldn't have to be home for that long.
After searching for a bit, I decided to just call her.
„1989?"
„Yeah?"
„Where are you? Do you wanna hang out?"
„No, I'm with Midnights. Sorry."
„Oh, it's ok."
It wasn't though.
What am I supposed to do now?
I sighed and got in my car.
Maybe my dad wasn't so mad.
I mean, I hadn't done anything today,
but that doesn't matter most of the time.

I entered my house and saw my dad laying on the couch.
„Reputation, come here."
Oh no, that's a bad sign.
I went in the living room and said:
„Hey dad."
„Your teacher has called me, Reputation.
Can you imagine why?"
Shit, I thought he wouldn't say anything today.
„I..I don't know?"
„OF COURSE YOU KNOW, BITCH!"
his voice suddenly raised and he jumped up from the couch to step closer to me.
„WHO THE FUCK IS LATE ON THE FIRST DAY? WHY CAN'T MY DAUGHTER BE NORMAL? YOU DISAPPOINTED ME, REPUTATION. YOU ALWAYS DO."
I tried to not take his words too personally,
but I couldn't.
Disappointment.
Bad daughter.
Never enough.
He told me that every day.
Suddenly, his fist punched me in my stomach.
„ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING, REPUTATION? YOU DON'T EVEN DESERVE TO LIVE. I'D BE HAPPIER IF YOU WOULDN'T EXIST. YOU'RE A FUCKING MISTAKE."
I wasn't sure if it was the pain in my stomach or his words that made me cry now.
It was so weak, but I couldn't help it, so I ran out of the living room and upstairs to my room.

He'd be happier if I wasn't here.
Everyone would be.
Honestly, who would miss me?
1989 didn't need me and everyone else hated me.
Maybe I should just end it.
Finally end the pain and the abuse.
I laid down on my bed and cried for a good hour, until I fell asleep.

Lover:

From now on I'd have volleyball practice on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday.
I really wanted to be in that team,
because PE was the only subject I wasn't an A student in.
Rep made that pretty hard for me though.
For some reason, she clearly didn't want me in that team.
Why?
Why does she hate me so much?

I decided to take a shower to get the sweat off my body, but also to clear my mind.
My clothes fell on the floor and I stepped in the hot shower.
After 20 minutes, I dried my body with a towel, just to let it fall on the floor then.
I took a look in the mirror.
My body had always been my biggest insecurity and I had put some weight on this summer.
My thighs were too big, my stomach wasn't flat enough, my hips were too wide and my ass was too big.
How am I supposed to ever find a boyfriend?
I was 16 now and never kissed a boy.
Maybe I was just too fat.
Was that why Rep hated me so much?
Her body was perfect.
She was skinny, but still had amazing curves every woman would want to have.
Would she like me if I worked out more often?
Stop, Lover.
Why do I even want her to like me?
Folklore and Evermore said she was mean to everyone, so why would she like me?

I sighed and put my pjs on.
Then I went in my room and decided to go to sleep early.
My cat Olivia jumped on my bed and cuddled up next to me.
She was the only friend I had in this house.
My parents were never home,
because they were always traveling for work.
I saw them like 10 times a year,
so I basically lived by myself.
Falling asleep was very hard tonight,
because my thoughts always ended up going to Rep.
She was so gorgeous.
Does she have a boyfriend?
Probably.
Maybe I should ask Folklore or Evermore tomorrow.
After overthinking for hours,
I finally fell asleep.

I was alone in the changing room,
pulling my skirt down, revealing my white panties.
Suddenly I heard a voice behind me:
„Nice Ass."
Rep. It had to be her.
My face turned burning red,
as I turned around to face her.
She was smirking, which was the closest to a smile she'd ever done.
Then she suddenly grabbed my hips and pulled me over to her.
Her hands grabbed my cheeks and she pressed her lips on mine.
The kiss was aggressive,
Rep's desperation was hot.
The tall girl pinned me against the wall of the changing room and started leaving marks all over my throat.

My alarm rang.
Oh my gosh, what was that?
The dream I had was so embarrassing.
That had never happened before.
My face was red once again and
I felt a weird feeling in my stomach.
Did I enjoy the dream?
No, I couldn't.
Why was I even dreaming stuff like this?
I've never even had a kiss,
but in my dream it felt so good.
Why a girl though?
I was straight.
But the thought of a boy doing those things to me felt very weird.
I got up and decided it would be better to just forget about this dream.
Even if I liked girls, I couldn't like Rep.
She hated me.
But a little part of me was excited to see her again.

A/N: Yeahh
I hope y'all are enjoying this story.
I have a little question tho:
Would you guys want me to write smut?
Not at this point of the story,
but maybe later?
Let me know..
And if you have any questions or feedback, I'm always here for it!
~M <3