Zamageda his heart

Chapter 16

I wake up to his piercing eyes, their usual warmth and softness replaced by an unreadable expression. The dark color of his eyes seems almost intense. To avoid his gaze, I rest my head on his chest. 'How are you?' he asks softly. 'I'm okay, baby,' I respond. But he presses on, his voice firm, 'ubani lo okukhalisayo akazi yini ukuthi unendoda udubulanayo wena?' The vibration of his voice sends a gentle hum through my body,a gentle brush on my clit, making me laugh at his question. 'Shuthi abazi baba' , I tease back softly. He lets out a soft chuckle and kisses my head reassuringly.

'Ngiyingoduso yomuntu Mbulazi and I just got a very harsh and triggering reminder of that ' I start of and he tenses up holding my face up form to face him but I resist I'd rather not have him look at me right now and he lets me.' he is the reason I moved here, I was trying to run away from everything he put me through. I feel his body easing up, he brushes my arm lightly and I continue pouring out. ' during my internship I worked in the pathology division, I had to be an expert witness on a murder case I had worked on. While I was on the stand a man in the audience kept stealing glances of me, when court was adjourned he asked me out to coffee and I politely declined. 

2 weeks later he Walked in on me while I was on a solo date which now that I think of it was no coincidence. He pursued me relentlessly ngaze ngaqoma, a couple of months went by and I moved to lab and field work under SAPS there was only five of us and the work load was insane so I had to put in extra hours, late nights, early mornings and weekends. At first he was understanding that I am trying to work towards a better ranking so he got me an apartment closer to work, I never knew what he did for a living but I knew it was shady.

 Months went by and he was no longer happy with my work schedule, he was also not doing well with his work he became irritable by Small things like me not texting back or taking his call. It started with him shouting and light threats then a slap or 2, I loved him so I never spoke up about the change in his behavior. One day he brought me lunch at work and walked in on me and my male colleague discussing a case, he acted cool but I knew how it would end for so later that day I slept with bruises all over my body with him occasionally forcing himself on me. He kept me locked up endlini for a week while my face was healing but he continuaslly forced himself on me that's how Iyana was conceived.

 3 months later I found out that I was expecting and I told my friend Landiwe and she agreed that she'll support me through the termination process because I didn't want a reminder of that experience I had even moved out of the apartment he had gotten me and there was no contact between us. When I came back from work I found him sitting on my bed with anger written in his face his eyes filled with fury and animosity.

He threw a few punches at me and threatened worse if I ever entertained the thought of killing his child, that my friend should stay hidden wherever she is because he will kill her the same day she lands in south Africa. I later found out he had been listening to all my calls, bugged my car and apartment there was no running from him. At 6 months he paid lobola and we had umembeso the same day i tried fighting it but he tampered with my mothers breaks and told me she wouldn't survive the second time so I did everything to prevent that. 

One of my colleagues passed away and there was only four of us and the work load increased so did the hours, I was now 7 months pregnant and was set to take meternity leave the following week so I put in extra hours just so I could wrap up every case assigned to me. I knocked off at 9 pm and found him waiting in my lounge as I was trying to register his presence he threw a glass me ngavika which aggravated him further, he beat up to a pulp and threw me on my glass table.'

I am now sobbing as the scenes play in my head, zipho keeps brushing my arm and I appreciate that he is not commenting on anything he is letting me tell it all at my pace. ' I don't know how I ended up in the hospital with my mother looking like a shell of herself next to me . I brushed my stomach and realised that I was no longer pregnant, I thanked God for saving me and trading my life for my daughters . I sighed with relief because I no longer had to nurture a constant reminder of him but my mom cut my excitement short when she asked if I wanted to see my child, I hated her so much I couldn't bring myself to seeing her, I wanted nothing to do with my child. My father named her Iyan' imvula nensikelelo zayo (a rain of blessings) because no one thought we'd both survive with the state they found me in.

When I got discharged I didn't even bother checking on her but my mom went to the hospital everyday to check on her, one day she came home fuming and forced me to go to the hospital but I couldn't stand the sight of my own child for even 5 minutes I was depressed and didn't even get out of bed unless I had to use the bathroom, her crying nauseated me until mom forced me to attend therapy after a month I could sit in the same room as her but I still didn't feel anything but hatred for her, from conception to birth she made my life a living nightmare.

The second month was better I made efforts to bond with her and we eventually got used to each other and I grew in love with her every passing day but the trauma never left so I emersed myself with work, my life revolved around my work and my daughter. I got a promotion to lead crime scene investigator and I worked even harder when the position for senior investigator opened SIU approached  me with an offer I couldn't decline but I was a bit sceptical, when I walked out of work I saw his car parked outside our offices and that was reason enough for me to leave durban.

I never heard anything from him or his family after the incident until yesterday when his sister called me and asked if you're the reason I left her brother she further told me that I deserved everything he put me through and that brat is probably not even her brothers child. Now I received a call from mom that his Mom wants full custody of my child 

'I'm so sorry you went through all that, nhliziyo yami' (my heart)," he says, struggling to contain the anger and venom in his voice. "I'll get my father's lawyer to handle the custody issue, and he's a beast," he adds reassuringly. I hesitate, unsure about involving his family in my business, given our relatively new relationship."He's a man of integrity," he continues to reassure me. "Only the parties involved will know the details, so my family won't be privy to your business." He tries to alleviate my concerns, but I'm still uncertain.We sit in silence, the only sound being his occasional soft kisses on my forehead. Later, we prepare a meal together, sharing a light conversation as we eat. I try to beg for a drink, but he refuses, saying 'uyazazi uzovele umelwe inhliziyo'